


06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4)

by ReiClien



Series: In Regards to Haizaki Shougo [4]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Haizaki Shougo-Centric, Haizaki Shougo-Gets All, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21553075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReiClien/pseuds/ReiClien
Summary: Haizaki Shougo already died twice.This is the third time.(Heavily inspired bybaby, don't forget my name. Basically, this is a fanfic of that fanfic.)
Relationships: Akashi Seijuurou/Furihata Kouki, Haizaki Shougo/Kise Ryouta, Haizaki Shougo/Nijimura Shuuzou, Kagami Taiga/Kuroko Tetsuya, Midorima Shintarou/Takao Kazunari, Murasakibara Atsushi/Himuro Tatsuya, Original Characters/Original Characters
Series: In Regards to Haizaki Shougo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1447255
Comments: 96
Kudos: 143
Collections: Time Travel and World Travel





	1. To See You Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kolbietheninja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbietheninja/gifts).
  * Inspired by [baby, don't forget my name](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168064) by [kolbietheninja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbietheninja/pseuds/kolbietheninja). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mistakes in grammar, punctuation and fiction rules (which, honestly, I'm not even aware of).

◦ ❈ ◦

#### 373:20:04

ENDLESS WHITE greets him when he opens his eyes as subtle colors of everything slowly swirl around. Oddly, none of the colors—despite their uncountable number—touches him, instead, they go around his body. A circular blue light which looks soft and fragile glides around to avoid touching his eye, it's warmth giving Shougo's face a tingling sensation. Raising a hand to lightly scratch at the skin, Haizaki gasps when he feels nothing. The weight of his hand, the stretch of his arm muscles and shoulders—he can't feel them.

With dread gradually freezing his limbs, the teen looks around, studying his surroundings more critically. The reality strikes him and it makes his whole body tremble. 

_He's back._

Slowly, he looks up, knowing that there will be numbers above him. Frozen numbers which will confirm the end of every hope and dream of more tomorrows where he can live among the family that he found and created. He actually needs to blink repeatedly to clear the moisture gathered on his grey eyes. The numbers which greet him aren't the familiar series of zeroes, the hundreds of numbers visible above are like rays of sunlight giving Shougo's bleak feelings a sliver of hope.

An igniting hope that dies immediately before it can even take root when Haizaki realizes that the numbers represent his time spent as a living. A sob escapes from his dry lips. 

Slowly bracing uncontrollable shaking hands on his bent knees to prevent him from toppling over, more sobs wreck Shougo's body. Gasping for oxygen that his body doesn't need, the teen tries to calm himself which proves to be impossible. Giving up, he lets his body to slump on the indiscernible ground, his face contorted in grief as his tears flow. Each tear dropping like gems shining under bright sunlight only to lose its glow within the shadows.

"Death follows you, knowing that you had been one with them once. Do not grief Haizaki Shougo, this isn't on you but for the one who chose to waste time."

#### 330:13:01

HAIZAKI IS sitting on the bench near the restrooms. To others, he might look like just a teen lounging around who has a menacing glare for the unfortunates who glance too long but the truth is, he's finally spent, he can't move. Past the adrenaline, he can't even manage the strength to walk back to their team's waiting room.

After the game, he needed the restroom and as the adrenaline of the game subsided, his muscles also started protesting. Thinking back, he can't even believe that he lasted this long. It might be because of hanging out with Nijimura; the past Captain is still the only person who Haizaki knew to have the most incredible stamina. Playing with him after school hours back in middle school definitely helped Haizaki's endurance. Unfortunately, that endurance can last only for so long.

He glares at his useless knees but even that is weak. He finally considers if he needs to ask for help. Glancing at the clock, he still has 15 minutes before the awarding ceremony. Feeling the chill of the afternoon starts to settle on his skin as his sweat dries, Haizaki is seriously considering swallowing his dignity and maybe text his father to bring him a jacket. However, in the end, Haizaki is a man of stubborn pride. 

He rests his face on his bent knees which are trembling faintly. Maybe his pride will be his own killer.

A weight flops beside him, filling the narrow bench. Haizaki smells the expensive perfume first. If Haizaki isn't familiar with the scent, having smelled it in the past when he was utterly humiliated, he might have been more interested to look from his battered shoes.

"Fuck off, Kise." He hopes that it still has the appropriate threatening effect despite his strength rapidly leaving.

A warm jacket envelope his body, the fur still smelling so much of the musky scent. 

"Get 't off, " he grumbles in a reflex of ingrained assholery. He only realizes what's the recuperation when the warmth briefly leaves his back. Thankfully, Kise must be really kind (sometimes) because the blonde only lifts the hood of the jacket so that it covers his head.

Alarmingly, the warmth and scent are actually making the exhausted teen drowsier. In his state, he unconsciously snuggles into the warmth, slightly pressing on Kise's side. He doesn't know how long he stayed like that, only when gentle hands shake him does he blearily look around.

"Shougo, the awarding is in two minutes. We need to go back," Kise whispers as if even the blonde is reluctant to disturb their rest. Haizaki definitely is, he felt so comfortable that he hates the blonde for waking him. He grumbles unintelligible, trying to glare at his companion. 

Kise just grins. It's small, unlike the smile that grazes the magazines, but it looks genuine as if it's really what it should be.

"Here." The model kneels in front of the sleepy teen who doesn't even protest with the piggyback. Pressing his cheek on Kise's shoulder, Haizaki must have drifted back to sleep because he startles awake when something warm blew on his face. Staring ahead, he sees the room reserved for his school. Blushing, he stands, unable to look at Kise. 

"Congratulations, see you later," Kise says, surprising Haizaki because of the lack of taunts. 

Still, the teen is grateful when the blonde leaves him with another of that small smile, not commenting about what happened or the blush consuming his face. Only when he opens the door did Haizaki realize that he still has the jacket, still warming his skin.

◦ ❈ ◦

Before they step in the court, Haizaki's phone buzzes. Lazily checking the message, his body startles awake with the familiar number.

 **SHUUZOU:**  
Congrats, brat.

Fingers typing quickly, he asks if the man is watching. An additional 'where the fuck are you' follow it because Haizaki can't help it okay? It's the first time Nijimura initiated contact with him. Still, he received no further text, he even tried calling in a fit of excitement but the former captain's phone was already unreachable.

 _Whatever, Nijimura is really a bastard._ Nonetheless, Shuogo decides to carry his phone even during the awarding ceremony.

◦ ❈ ◦

IT'S 6:00 IN the afternoon and the awarding ceremony is ongoing. The Champions, Fukuda Sougou Academy Basketball Club, forms a line in front of the other Top 4 High School Basketball Teams in the Winter High Gymnasium court.

"Coach: Hoshitani Shuichi." Loud applause follows the announcer as the young coach bows. A judge hands the coach a plaque which the man receives graciously, a warm smile lights up his face.

Medals are soon being awarded to each player as their positions are recognized. Next, a large trophy is given to the team which Captain Ishida receives.

"Our MVP, with a total of 43 scored points, Haizaki Shougo." Another trophy is given to the team, this time, the ace receives it with a rather rare blush (for those who don't know him). Cheers agree with the decision, booming in the large enclosure.

A ball from the organizers, the same ball used in the final game is given to Song Sam who has slightly teary eyes.

"Everyone, again, your champions." 

The orange-clad players of Shoutuko High School bow first then the black wearing Seirin High followed by the white of Rakuzan and finally, the red of Fukuda Sougou Academy.

Respectful final applause accepts them. Breathing hard and fighting tears of pride and exhaustion, the players disperse; ready to go home and rest, happy to know that they did everything they could but vowing that tomorrow they will get up to practice and get better.

◦ ❈ ◦

SHOUGO IS currently looking at the darkening sky brought by the late hour, silently cursing his fate. Beside him, his team is trying to look occupied, either by looking at their phones or nodding their heads on nonexistent sounds from their earphones. The reason is just three steps away.

Standing with them, waiting for their own car are the members of team Rakuzan. Not far away, Shoutuko, Seirin, and Kaijo are all looking without even trying to hide their amusement. Takao Kazunari, in particular, is doubled in laughter, unable to stop his tears of amusement.

"Hahaha hahaha~"

"Takao, stop it, nanodayo."

"Hahaha~" 

"Kise, shut up! Don't follow him, I'll kick you."

Unaware of the noise, the two team finalists are still trying to stay oblivious to the presence of each other. 

Ishida coughs lowly, entirely fed up. "Haizaki, how long before that car comes?"

"Another two minutes."

"So, are we going to drown from this whatever this we are doing for another two minutes?" the captain asks with a raised eyebrow. "Or will we actually act like real men and say 'hi'?"

Shougo checks his phone then opens his favorite game.

"I'm bent," Song answers belatedly.

Mibuchi Reo of Rakuzan giggles while Akashi smiles serenely, still standing with impeccable posture.

Another tense silence blankets them, the passersby's conversation ringing too loud along with the distant shops.

"Fuck this! Let's just go." Walking briskly, Haizaki moves away. "I'd rather walk goddamn home."

Quickly, Ishida pulls his arm, dragging him back. "You promised your parents to wait here."

Haizaki snarls. "Then they should fuckin hurry up!"

Akashi finally glances at them. "I heard that Asahi-san is treating your team for dinner as congratulations for the whole team's victory."

Haizaki stubbornly looks forward. "They'll probably just bring us to a restaurant where they serve green shit for food."

"Asparagus soup? It's quite nice," the redhead gently answers.

Rolling his eyes, Haizaki shots back, "I'm not even going to ask how the fuck did you know that detail." A moment later, he adds, "No, I meant seaweed."

"Ah, yes, that's quite unappetizing," the red heir easily agrees this time (Akashi hates seaweed).

At last, a black car comes from the bend. Sighing loudly, Haizaki squints. "Is that our car?" he asks his team despite the possibility that none of them are familiar with his parents' car.

It's Akashi who answers him, "No, it's my father's car, I believe."

"That's still great, just go the fuck away already." 

True enough, two black cars stop in front of the Rakuzan players. Akashi bows slightly to them before joining his teammates inside. The others bow back awkwardly.

When the cars passed, the team sighs in relief. 

"I thought I was going to die," Kasumi confesses.

Haizaki looks at him, amusement prevalent. "Your earbuds are not even connected to your phone," he says, pointing at the connector freely swaying outside of the teen's sports bag.

Laughter bursts from them, lighting their surroundings. Their playful banter accompanies them to the restaurant, not even letting unease settle upon entering the new place.

They are already eating their desserts when the topic of conversation shifts more seriously.

"We are going to have a lot of school work," Kasumi contemplates. "Considering we didn't enter for a week."

"Near exam week too," Song adds.

The team sighs. 

"There are also mock entrance exams for college," Ishida points out. "Even with the scholarships, we need to take the exam. It will be embarrassing if we are on the lowest."

Haizaki glances at the other seniors who don't have scholarship offers. Noticing, Usami grins. "Don't worry about us."

The grey ace glares. "As if I care." He looks away as the senior snorts, not believing him.

Coach Hoshitani clears his throat. "Actually, Hikari University offered each graduating senior a scholarship."

His head snaps to his coach' direction. Looking excitedly like the other first years, Shougo smiles at the older students. "Fuck yeah!"

Despite his happiness at the news, Usami looks pointedly at the ace, unable to stop teasing his kouhai. "That's not caring?"

The first year throws him a table napkin. 

"Shougo," Asahi reprimands. 

Haizaki at least has the decency to look away.

"Eh? So someone does reprimand you."

"Shut the fuck up, shitty senpai!"

"Again, Shougo!"

"Fine."

"Exams aside, there's also the retirement ceremony."

"Good to see you go."

"Shougo!"

"Fine, fine."

#### 332:40:04

THE BASKETBALL players left the building first, leaving the adults to exchange pleasantries and whatnots that Haizaki does not have time to figure out considering that he also has his own.

He is trying to compose his own 'pleasantries' while they are waiting outside but he's failing miserably. Again. After another discarded idea which is just so lame, he's so close to throwing a finger and giving all shits up.

He feels a hand touch his own, stopping him from fiddling with his own fingers (something that he isn't even aware of), looking at his side, he sees one of the first-year managers. Who is the guy again? Haizaki can't remember the name. He's really shity.

"It's like this." Raising a fist, the first year offers it to Haizaki. "Tap yours to mine."

Haizaki frowns. "That's lame."

"Of course not," Ishida answers as he taps his own clenched fist with the first year's. "Every team does it all the time."

The others follow until a mess of connecting fists is built. Haizaki looks at it skeptically before he tentatively adds his own, trying to control his strength so that he won't give someone's fist a bruise. They stay like that far longer than necessary, just staring at what their team forged.

Ishida grins. "See?"

Shougo pulls his hand and stuffs it inside Kise's jacket which he is wearing because he is apparently a weird shit.

"It's nice to play with you," he says so fast that even he can't understand it. "I guess…" he says too slowly, this time. He stares at the road decorated with polished stones, willing the stupid car to come already. So slow.

The silence feels awkward.

Haizaki peeks at the basketball players standing beside him and notices that they are also looking forward, smiling. The atmosphere slowly brightens until it stays comfortable.

◦ ❈ ◦

THE FIRST VEHICLE carts the coach and Haizaki's teammates. The second, Anna's smaller car, takes the extended family home.

Sitting snugly to the leather seat, Haizaki closes his eyes. "So, who sponsored the scholarships?"

There are clearing of throats and stilted whispers before Anna finally answers.

"Technically, it's Shiori's company. His entertainment company has scholarship plans for artists, we decided to extend it to sports players this year."

"When was that decided? An hour ago?"

"Two, actually," Yuri cheerfully corrects.

"You can't just do that, you know. Even if it's maybe what I want."

"We're just building good rapport to help you since you are emotionally constipated," Yuri answers still cheerfully which is so annoying.

"I'll answer that when my muscles are not trying to flow out of my bones. Stupid shit."

"Ohoh, I like this tired version of you, lil' bro."

Haizaki attempts to kick the asshole but his shoe did not even touch the older teen.

"These scholarships are normal, Sho-chan. Himura-san has his own foundation, your father also sponsors some and I do, too. It's because we are capable, and, admittedly, for tax deductions," Anna explains as Asahi shoots his first son a reprimanding look.

"And I honestly saw something from the venture. My company has only offered to singers and similar entertainment artists, now we can expand to sports. Your teammates are perfect for the job, they are diverse and poor so that will make a good story. Additionally, they are strong players who the public saw evolve. If I ever convinced them, they can have some fame with a contract in my entertainment company."

Haizaki opens his eyes, reddened sleepy eyes struggling to stay awake. "I thought it's scholarships already given, no strings attached."

"It is but it also comes with a sideline in entertainment if they like."

"Usually, it's a need to work for Dad's company while the talents studies," Yuri informs his brother, wanting to give all details he thought the younger teen might be interested in.

Haizaki closes his eyes again. "Businessmen are sharks."

"Business.It's a venture."

Haizaki leans on the backrest, putting his headphones on. "Really."

◦ ❈ ◦

AT HOME, as the car stops in front of Himura House's door, Haizaki walks to his room as quickly as his tired limbs allow. He just wants to sleep for the next 24 hours.

He checks his phone again even if he knows there's no text. Refusing to admit it, Haizaki stomps on the painful emotions clawing at his heart.

Placing the phone on his pillow so that he can feel its vibration (if there will be), he debates on taking a shower. Exhaustion eventually wins so he sheds his clothes, apologizes mentally to the house helps then dives in the blankets.

He groans miserably when his door opens not even a minute later, the noise disturbing the first tendrils of a wonderful rest.

"Sho-chan, I almost forgot your appointment tomorrow."

Haizaki answers, the sound trapped by the pillow where his head is buried.

"There's a doctor in America who I think will be great for you. I'll be going there tomorrow for business, do you want to come? I just want you to meet him before you decide if you want us to continue with him."

The topic is still important and sensitive enough that Haizaki actually woke up enough to consider it.

"American? I can speak English, but not enough to have an easy conversation."

"Oh, he's a Japanese who studied then eventually practiced permanently abroad."

Okay. Makes sense. 

"I will be in the US for only a day, but if you decided by tomorrow to stay longer due to exhaustion from the flight, your father will also be there the next day for a conference. You can just go home with him."

The ash teen grunts, reluctant but wanting to give it a go due to his promise. "Fine, but I'll be coming home with you. I want to start my remedial on Monday."

"Okay, we will have an early flight so sleep well!"

#### 336:10:00

APPARENTLY, Himura meant EARLY because before Haizaki can even feel asleep, the man is already rousing him. After a painful shower, food he can't even taste, the man is immediately pushing him inside the car.

"Is it even 'tomorrow' already?!"

"Yup, it's past 12. You can sleep on the plane."

"I fuckin regret my life decisions. Oh god, I just want to sleep, fuck!"

When they land after almost 10 hours, Haizaki is still a little grumpy even if he slept most of the flight.

"You didn't tell it's going to be in New York."

"It's America."

Shougo doesn't acknowledge that as he glares at everything and curses the cold. The view isn't even that beautiful, it's just dark buildings which produce white-ish smoke— heaters?

"This is so stupid." He grumbles, unsolicited anger bubbling inside him with familiarity. Trying to remind himself that he's not that person who just explodes to everything, Shougo tries to calm himself with great difficulty.

"Food?" Himuro asks, oddly, in a low voice. 

Haizaki found the action helpful, his anger's intensity also going low. He nods. Getting an idea, he pulls his headphones and puts on some lame slow heartbreak songs to try to calm himself. By the time they arrived in a restaurant—with the other employees of his step-father—his anger is manageable enough.

◦ ❈ ◦

"Next, you should come with us to Paris. Yuriha and I will be going next week. With winter break, we can stay longer and actually explore the place."

Haizaki shrugs. Honestly, he isn't one with those who enjoy flying for long to see some sights but he is feeling a little guilty with his behavior a while ago so he doesn't turn down the offer immediately.

Himura smiles happily to him as if Shougo is the greatest son ever. It's fucking nice that it hurts. 

"We will have the business event near where you'll be," his father (soon-to-be) says, "so if you found that you want an out, just call me."

Haizaki agreed, knowing that his father meant the clinic he would be going to.

"Are you done? I'll walk you there, it's in a building near here."

"Yeah." Standing and putting the table napkin on his seat, he quietly watches as his father gives instructions to the people sitting around the table. The employees bid them safety and Shougo doesn't say anything because _whatishesupposetosayagain?_

It's surely near, after only five minutes, they step into an average-sized office. The color cream and yellow gives the room a warm look. There are also potted plants to give it a fresh look along with the plush apple green couches with a lot of decorative pillows. 

Himura presses a button and a man in his thirties greets them. The man is wearing a simple white shirt with black pants.

"Hello, Haizaki Shougo, right? I'm Ran Arata. You can call me by my first name or Arata-san. If it makes you feel comfortable, you can call me doctor or counselor."

"How about you call me anything and I do the same?"

The man smiles indulgently and answers, "That can also work."

Haizaki feels his brow begin to twitch. He doesn't really feel comfortable with this counseling and he's beginning to feel that it will just be useless crap filled with fools believing whatever and thinking that he's just a shitty business they need to complete once a week.

"Sho? Are you okay with talking with him alone? Do you want me to stay?" Himura whispers as the counselor retrieves something.

"Are you nuts? You have something to do. Go on, I'll be fine."

"Alright, but remember that you can call anytime and I'll get you."

Haizaki grunts.

"I already completed the necessary papers so he will just let you read through the confidentiality agreement. You can rebut anything from the rules that he will tell you if it doesn't suit you."

Haizaki nods as he receives a printed paper from Ran.

"I would like to discuss the contents inside if you are comfortable?" Ran asks.

"Okay." He shoots his father a pointed look which makes the man leave after another round of reminders.

"Shall I give you a brief tour?" 

Haizaki shrugs which the man takes as affirmative.

"This is the waiting room, this door leads to the restroom—it's quite simple. This green button tells me if someone arrived, so if you press it, a chime will sound inside my office. Right now, I don't have a receptionist but before, they sit here. Finally, this is my office where we will spend most of our time."

The office is like an average living room. Two couches around a circular wooden table; a long sofa pushed in the corner facing the wide floor to ceiling windows. There's actually a worthy view this time.

"Please get comfortable, Haizaki-kun."

Trying to be a little shit, Shougo slumps on the sofa. After gathering more pillows around his body, he stretches on the soft material as he reads the paper given to him. It discusses all that secrecy thing which he doesn't care about. 

“Okay, you can start now with your thing.” 

The man smiles serenely again, seemingly not bothered with Shougo’s admittedly lack of manners. “Do you want tea?”

“Not really.” Turning a little to face the window, Shougo gazes at the bland sky.

The man sits on the couch at the side, facing Shougo but not crowding him. “How are you today, Haizaki-kun?”

“Fine.”

“Can you tell me what brought you here today?”

Shougo looks at the man incredulously. “Don’t give me that shit. I know you already learned anything you need to start this.”

When the man just looks at him blankly, Shougo snorts. “I’m certain that my biological father told you everything that he stalked about me. Don’t even try to deny it, I know them.”

The psychologist finally nods. “I want to hear it from you though. Your thoughts are what matters here.”

Shougo rolls his eyes. “That’s annoying.”

“Hmmm, why?”

The man is still looking at him serenely with that damn smile. Shougo’s brow twitches again. “What the heck! Seriously?! This will be a lot of ‘why’ and ‘tell me more about it’?”

“I would need to know what you are feeling.”

“I’m feeling that I want to stab you right now.”

“Really? Why?”

Haizaki groans as he plants his face on the pillow.

The man laughs. “How about we start by getting to know each other? Do you want to ask me anything?”

“No. I honestly don’t care about you.”

“So, it’s my turn to ask you then?”

“You are so annoying.”

“Tell me why and maybe I can work on it.”

“Fine, ask your stupid questions.”

“Thank you. I’ll ask questions that will enable me to get to know you more.”

“Like?”

“What are your expectations from me, your goals, likes, boundaries that you don’t want me to cross, experiences, thoughts about some issues and what you feel about them.”

Sighing, Haizaki nods as he gazes at the window. 

He knows he's not really helping the man when he begins answering the questions with single words and not really forthcoming with any details. When the hour ends, the psychologist stands to prepare some tea. Placing a warm teacup in front of Haizaki, the counselor finally sits directly in front of the ash teen.

“So, I think that it will help if we use this.” Placing a thick folder on the table, Ran pushes in slightly towards Shougo. Looking at it, Haizaki curses. It’s divided by year and the teen just knew that it’s a compiled detail of his life.

“My father’s work?”

“Yes. He gave it to me with threats of my death if any of these gets out. Rather serious threats.”

“So you have this. You know every shit I did, then just go on with your thing. No need to ask me useless questions.”

The man hums. “I want to go into each information actually, not every detail but the most notable part. For the next session, my idea is to read this with you and we can start sharing thoughts about it.”

Shougo doesn’t answer, he just absentmindedly cups his tea.

“It’s your decision if you want to stay this way,” the man touches the folder—the first label reads 16. “Or if you want it this way,” he turns the folder so that the first label is the year of Shougo’s birth.

After thinking about it, Shougo turns it back. “We can just talk on events I remember clearly.”

“If you say so.”

They sip their tea quietly for a few minutes.

“Do you want to start so that you can have a feel of what’s it going to be like?” Ran asks, still not looking at him.

“Isn’t this for a damn hour only?”

“You are currently my only client.”

Haizaki smirks at that. “They bought the whole day? Typical.” After a moment, he adds, “I guess, we can go on.”

"Yesterday, you won the Winter High."

Haizaki nods. "Before you ask, it felt fucking nice."

"I watched it, it's intense. I almost cannot believe its Japanese high school game. Japan has amazing talents."

"I guess, they will just get goddamn better. When they actually start to mature, they might even rival international players."

"Who are they again?"

"Akashi, Midorima, Kuroko, Aomine, Kise, Kagami, and Murasakibara. They have been owning the court since middle school. There are others, like Takao but those seven are the best."

"How do you describe yourself beside them?"

"I just got lucky since my teammates are strong players. I cannot believe we won." Also because he has knowledge of the future. If he didn't, he's just a weakling behind Kise's shoe.

"After that, what happened next?"

"Awarding, food and sleep."

"Did you eat outside with your team?"

"Yah."

"What did you talk about while having meals?"

"The game, school, retirement."

"Which of these did you bring up?"

"Hah?" Haizaki pulls from looking outside with boredom, frowning, he tries to think about the question. "What kind of stupid assessment is this?"

"It's just a question."

"Tss, none?"

"I see. After your meal, did you celebrate further?"

"No, we're tired shits."

"So you said goodbye."

Haizaki buries his face to the pillow. "Mmm."

"How did it happen—goodbye, I mean. So, you wished them goodnight?"

"Nmm."

"No? What did you say then?"

"Sshh t fmm mm."

"I can't do that, you know, it's part of my job to talk a lot. So I'm guessing that you didn't say anything."

Shougo cannot stop feeling down as he hears the truth from a stranger.

"C'mon, tell me the details and I'll tell you what I think."

After debating with his own mind, Haizaki sighs as he tries to tell the man all the details he can manage. After his not so great retelling of the events yesterday while he and his team were outside the restaurant, Haizaki looks expectantly to Ran.

"So, what do you think of me?"

Ran opens a box of biscuits, offering it to Shougo. "Think of you? As a person or my assessment of you as your psychologist?"

"Both. Start with the stupid assessments." He picks a lonely ugly looking biscuit from the box, dumping it on his tea before eating it whole, he's a disgrace to good tea.

"You have some symptoms similar to those people who have Clinical Anxiety. If you are not aware, this type of anxiety means, but not limited to a person's mind telling them that they can't do something, that everything they do will end badly, that they can't do right so usually, they have difficulty trying to do things—especially something new."

"You are talking shit. Do I look like someone who hides under baggy shirts and tries to stay on the sidelines? I'm not!"

"A lot of people have clinical anxiety and they act differently."

Haizaki huffs. Disbelieving. "That's all?"

"I think that you are already starting making progress. You realized that you were being mean so you are trying to change but you are having a hard time figuring how."

Picking another distorted brown cookie, Haizaki aggressively pushed it in the liquid. He glares at it to avoid looking up. Of course, he knows he's shit at it. He knows what's cruel and mean so he avoids doing them but it's still difficult to be 'nice'. He's just so awkward at it. He can barely say the appropriate words despite having an idea (he isn't that dumb) about what they might be because he knows those words won't sound nice from him. He's a cruel bastard. Shite, he even looks like a villain unlike others like Tetsuya who look nice, soft and normal. Shougo isn't like them, he sounds so rough, acts like the thug he is. His very instincts scream murder. He's always angry, sometimes for no reason at all. Aside from basketball, he is entirely different from his peers. It's so frustrating that sometimes it's almost worth crying for.

"When you are trying to do something and your mind tells you can't do it right or if you can't trust in yourself, try to trust others. Based on what I heard, you have teammates who are ready to help. Remember when they taught you how to fist bump? They were nice about it, right?"

Haizaki reluctantly nods.

"Of course, the final decision is up to you. I encourage you to have people in your age range who you can easily talk to. Like someone you can ask easily on how to talk nicely to a lady. Or just someone to play video games with. Of course, you can choose based on your own criteria like a person who won't babble, who like similar games and such."

"Next."

"Alright. What I think of you as a person right?"

"Yah."

"Let's see. I already knew about you when you were just 11."

The age his parents came back. "Oh?"

"Your parents contemplated bringing you to me. It didn't happen though. That time, when I heard about what happened and saw your pictures, I thought of you as an abused kid who came out as a fighter. For the second time, I heard from your parents when you were 12, I thought that you were someone who was beginning to spiral. This actually saddened me, I had hoped that you will continue to fight. Next, when you were 13, by this time, I was tempted to try forcing some sessions because it looked like you were getting on edge. You appeared to be self-destructing by this age. 

"Early this year, I heard a bit of you again. You seem to be the teen I expected, angry. Finally, I met you. When I saw you a while ago, I saw a person so different from his past. You look mellowed. Right now, I think that you are someone who has issues with trusting yourself and others; loving yourself, and believing. I also think that despite all that, you are the type of person who tries. You are kind, hesitant to forgive and love but if given, comes in full and excessively. You are also not ready yet to bare all your feelings to anyone which, I am certain, is entirely fine."

◦ ❈ ◦

"HAIZAKI-KUN, before you go, please take this." Ran opens a drawer, looking for something. "Also, I know it's not comfortable to have someone poke to your life and thoughts but thank you for sharing today." Pulling a grey leather journal, he hands it to the teen. "Writing your thoughts and what you are feeling might help you sort them out. It's also therapeutic, a way to vent out."

Shougo lifts a brow. "I don't need it. I don't even make my assignments. I just don't like writing shit."

Ran just smiles. "Still, I want you to have it."

Sighing loudly, Haizaki gets the bound papers. 

"Last thing, don't be afraid to talk to your parents. You might be a many-almost-tentative-client but not them, they came to me all four times. They wanted to be able to understand you. Their knowledge won't be perfect—no one can—but they can help. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, they will love you just the same."

Shougo walks through the door, his head too full to acknowledge that last piece of advice. He just wants to go home, sleep and maybe play basketball until his mind shuts up. Walking briskly, he doesn't even stop when his father's employee who was waiting for him greets him. Smashing the button of the elevator, he punches it when it doesn't open immediately. It opens.

Stomping inside, he slams to the person who is walking out of it. His eyes meet familiar black. Haizaki knows those eyes, they are black with tiny specks of white which easily change to different colors. Only one person has a pair.

"Nijimura."

The older man snaps to attention then he simply nods. And leaves. 

Shougo stands there until his mind matches his quick heartbeat.

"Hey! Stop!"

Bolting out of the closing doors, he runs after his former captain. 

"What the fuck? Shouzuu!"

After following hallways and peeking into doors for long minutes, he finally stops and admits that if Nijimura doesn't want to, he won't be found.

◦ ❈ ◦

GLANCING AT the building one last time, Shougo finally follows the employee to a car who will bring him back to the airport. The steel and glass structure makes the complicated emotions settle in what might be grief. It doesn't help that his head is also full of different thoughts.

The traffic at least helps him to shove each one to different corners of his mind, to be dealt with later when he feels vaguely capable.

His father is already there when he climbs the few steps of the private jet.

"Sho-chan! Come sit, it will just be us for now."

Shougo tries to ignore everything that happened as he acts like his normal self.

"Why?"

"The others will stay here for three more days. I just came to meet the head of the convention, to build a good impression and rapport. I have an important person to meet this evening though so I need to leave immediately."

The captain says a few words from the intercom before they are wearing their seatbelts. When the seatbelt lights go off, Himura asks, "How are you?"

"Fine."

"Do you want to continue with Ran or do you want to try another counselor?"

Haizaki honestly doesn't know. "I guess he's fine."

"Oh, did he give you that?"

Glancing at the journal he is holding, the younger nods.

Himura hands him a pen. "He didn't give you a pen. Right?"

"Yah. I don't think I'll even use it." 

"Well, that will also be fine. Hungry?"

"No. I think I'll just sleep."

◦ ❈ ◦

ANNA PERSONALLY carts them home—well, Shougo home since his father went directly to his meeting.

"Yuriha is not back yet and Himura-san will not be back until late. I'll stay with you tonight," Anna informs him when they arrive at the Himura house.

"I'm surprised we didn't just go to the old house."

Anna looks amused. "Yuriha wants to see you before he leaves early tomorrow."

Shougo snorts. "I'll just stretch my legs." He leaves the car to walk around the lawn as he pulls his phone to check on his messages.

Anna closes the car door after she parked. Looking at the wide lawn to check on her son, she sees him sprawled on the trimmed glass. Smiling, she walks towards the figure.

Getting a clearer view, she notices that there's something odd about the picture. It's just wrong. That posture can't be comfortable.

"Shougo!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never liked the number 4 when I'm writing since I often encounter problems but here it is. 
> 
> Hopefully, I'm not really unlucky with the number.


	2. Must I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long, sorry. I must be really unlucky with the number 4 when it comes to writing. Seriously, all I've experienced the past month.
> 
> I'm just using phone so this might not work (again).

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Middle School, Tokyo, Japan

WHEN KISE was young, his parents separated. As a young child, he wasn’t able to understand the reason but he simply didn’t like the miserable state of his Mama so he traveled two cities to meet his Papa and beg him to come home. He can still remember the cold of the night, a door banging open and his Papa’s angry face but not the whole event. It’s just like snapshots of a horrible memory. Something stayed clear though.

_You’re so dramatic! If you had been…maybe, we didn’t end up like this. You are so clingy, go away!_

Those words always chased his sleep and it changed him. How exactly and to what extent, Kise can’t even remember now but he knows that as a child, he tried to be better in his own way. He learned to perfect his smiles to give that right curve of the lips—both sides should be raised equally; he tempered his voice and words so that he can act like a gentlemanly prince if the need arises—all flattering. 

He tried cheering his family, tried his hardest to fill in the space that was left by his dad. Shrieking, loud, cute, pouty and demanding. He tried all and kept the characters that worked. He kept changing and modifying it as he grows to please people and get their approval. One time, he tried to determine which was real from all the masks; he wasn’t really able to tell so he stopped.

In middle school, he became a model with the help of his sister. He made his Mama and sisters proud, he also gained fans who adored him but there’s still something missing. Kise thought back then that it’s _excitement_ , after all, nothing challenged him—he was able to learn and excel in everything he tried. Due to a ball hitting him courtesy of the basketball ace named Aomine Daiki, he joined the Teiko Basketball Club in his second year. Will basketball fill that feeling of loss? Kise wasn’t sure and he didn’t hope much.

Then he met Haizaki Shougo. Someone who smelled of freedom—unbound by anything—and one who walked like a warrior. No, not an undefeated warrior in battles but someone who fought and lost against life itself and crawled out battered but still **himself**. Still Haizaki Shougo.

Kise found himself filled with envy. Envious and impressed. For reasons he can’t really dissect and identify, Kise cried himself to sleep that day. After that, as if crying was some kind of purification, he started to breathe easier and he smiles more genuinely like that single existence made the world a little better. Kise also began annoying, challenging and subtly trying to win over the ash-colored basketball starter. He did all these without restraint because he knew Haizaki was strong. He won’t break. Unlike Kise. True enough, Haizaki openly sneered, fought back, taunted—untamed and unafraid of social or any worldly rules. 

Kise fell helplessly.

Then, suddenly, Shougo left the team. Later, Kise learned it’s because of Akashi’s doing. The young captain removed the liability to the powerhouse team. From Kise’s everyday life. That made finding the ash teen difficult. Few days later, when Kise felt totally bereft of Haizaki’s presence (yes, he’s a ridiculous person in general and, in particular, ridiculously in love), he ventured stupidly to the shady places where the delinquents thrive.

Not even five minutes in, he ended cornered without a phone or money left. Worst of all, he was punched—in the face! Didn’t they know he’s a model?! His mom will be horrified.

Like a knight (an angry and reluctant knight in disarray polo shirt and slacks), Shougo helped him. And taunted him all the way back to school, smirked wolfishly before leaving with a tongue sticking out which made his usual angry face look childish and young. 

_Oh._

Kise blushed fiercely. He never knew Shougo can be so cute.

When he played in games and became the official 5th man of the Generation of Miracles, basketball became less fun. The uniform feels wrong and dirty. Being indifferent to his opponents’ emotions came so easily and settled in him like it’s just normal—they should try to entertain him more, that’s all.

High school came, a taste of foreign defeat from his favorite teammate Kurokocchi wakes him and forced him to see what he did; what he threw; what it feels to enjoy playing again. Defeat. That horrible feeling Shougo shoved in him back in middle school. A reminder of the person who sneered as he cruelly entered Kise's heart, looked around, and decided to stay with constant snarled curses.

Like Fate was just waiting for that, she showed him Shougo on a taped match during the Winter High Basketball League. With dyed hair and cornrows. That day, Kise laughed louder than he had in his life. Trust Shougo to stick a finger to the world.

The game happened and Haizaki unearths another part of Kise—his purest love of the sport and his current teammates. Kise entered ZONE. The state he repeatedly tried to enter since he saw Aomine do it in their last year of Middle School. No, Kise wasn’t really surprised it was Haizaki who managed to push him—that it happened when he was playing against the former 5th man of the undefeatable Generation of Miracles. The blonde had always longed to defeat Haizaki. To gain his respect and approval.

Despite losing, Kise felt like he finally reached a place where he can be closer to Haizaki. As a friend? Well, Kise’s ready to start low. 

Just after talking once, Shougo managed to heal Kise. It’s not the words; honestly, those were subpar and stilted just like what Kise expects; instead, it’s the ash-teen’s attempt to help. To have someone he loves greatly try to help him by picking his pieces and breaking them again to build him better…It filled Kise with love. He’s going to be fine. He’s okay. He’s right.

 _'This reaction might be normal'_ , Kise always thought whenever he had time to think of it (a lot of daydreams). Love is a powerful force after all. It makes one’s world pink and heart-shaped. Additionally, that world revolves around that person. Having that person's attention and care can mean more than 10 000 people combined. That’s not healthy, right? Well, Kise never cared and probably never will.

Just after two weeks, Haizaki brought back Akashicchi—the leader who bound the Generation of Miracles. Kurokocchi, Kise will forever admit, was what made them friends but it was the red captain who held and lead them. It made sense that the team finally broke when the captain did.

Now, whatever might be broken can be mended back.

◦ ❈ ◦

#### 347:48:02

 **Shougocchi**  
Fuck you, we are fucking about to fly. Just fucking go and fix it then. You said it can be mended right?

**Stupid Kise**  
It’s not that easy Shougocchi! :-(  
They don’t want to meet me! After I chose the best boutique to shop, sou~ ｡゜(｀-´)゜｡

**Shougocchi**  
Who cares about shit clothes?! Also, don’t call me that asshole, ill fucking punched your stupid face!

**Stupid Kise**  
You just don’t have fashion sense, Shougocchi. (；￣Д￣） I’ll call you what I want, it's cute. 😘 Does your plane have wifi? We can chat online! ( •̀ω•́ )

**Shougocchi**  
Fuck you, like I want to continue talking to you?

**Stupid Kise**  
I know you do! Don’t lie Shougocchi! You're making me sad.  
(︶︿︶)

**Shougocchi**  
Stop calling me that! I’ll kill you, I swear!

**Stupid Kise**  
Hahaha, so cute! 😳 Check my account online okay? I'll post pictures for you. ヾ( ･`3´･)ﾉﾞ

**Shougocchi**  
Fuck off.

**Stupid Kise**  
You don’t mean that. :-) 😉 Anyway, watch the videos too! It’s my team, that’s me singing in the middle. I’m good, ne?

Shougocchi? 

Are you ignoring me? ヾ(｡｀Д´｡)ﾉ彡☆

Oh, did you finally take off?

When will you land here in Japan?

Google says almost 10 hours at best. Okay! I’ll wait for you, miss me, okay?😘

I posted another video! That’s the continuing members of Kaijo Team. We had a game of guessing my senpai’s sentences. I won, see?😉😁

Shougocchiiiiiiii. I miss you already. I’m so sad here. (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

Tell me how was your visit to NYC, okay? I need more Shougocchi news. 

Did you know that you have a Fanclub? They have a website, facebook, tumbler and one in every social media imaginable. There’s even an email, it’s HaizakiShougoFanClub@gmail.com and there’s also in yahoo, Hotmail and what’s this…xzy? I didn’t know that exists. 😶

Oh! That picture of you is so great! I want it! 😍👍

Shougocchi? Are you near now? 

Wait, Kurokocchi responded! I need to call the others! Talk to you later! 

Shougocchiiiiiii~they agreed to play basketball and eat in my favorite coffee shop! Hurry and come with us!🙌🙌🙋  
.  
.  
.

**Shougocchi**  
Do you know how many messages you trashed in my phone?

**Stupid Kise**  
205\. ╭o͡͡͡͡͡͡ o͡͡͡͡͡͡╮

**Shougocchi**  
Shit! That’s 205? I thought that’s 105. Fuck you, you damned shit! I’ve got a low battery!

**Stupid Kise**  
What?! 😫 Noooo~ you only just replied! You landed right? Right?! How is it? You didn’t crash, right? (｡>口<｡)

**Shougocchi**  
Idiot. If we crashed, do you think I’ll text you? And fuck off.

**Stupid Kise**  
Mou~so mean! Sou~😌😔 ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤ >口<)̂ꎤ⁾⁾⁾⁾

**Shougocchi**  
Why do you even type those—whatever. Fuck off. Idiot.

**Stupid Kise**  
Hahaha, I know you love me. 😏😏😏 So did you enjoy the videos? By the way, you type a lot of ‘fuck’, just saying.

**Shougocchi**  
I had it looped on the moment your captain kicked you good. Stupid.

**Stupid Kise**  
Eh!? So mean. ｡ﾟﾟ(」｡≧□≦)」 (ﾉ｀Д´)ﾉ

Shougocchi.

Shougocchi?!

Shougocchi!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (◣д◢)

**Shougocchi**  
What?!

**Stupid Kise**  
Were you distracted enough? 

**Shougocchi**  
…yeah

**Stupid Kise**  
Why did you ask me to distract you anyway?

**Shougocchi**  
Cuz I’m bored. Duh.  
Thanks, I guess. For being annoyingly distracting not that it needs effort.

**Stupid Kise**  
Hah! I know, I'm so distracting, ne~ 😋

**Shougocchi**  
Go rot in the dump asshole! Aren’t you out with those generations of dicks?

**Stupid Kise**  
*Sighs* We’re at the coffee shop. Not so good. 😓

◦ ❈ ◦

#### 344:05:00

KISE might not be the leader or the heart of the team but he prides himself as the cheerleader. The person who initiates meetups, gathering for weekend basketball matches and even to attend festivals in yukata. So he breaches the quiet and awkward space that settled in between them after the Winter High. In the early morning of the next day after the championship, he texts his former teammates to meet for a day of shopping because that’s fun. 

He uses the old group chat. No one replies immediately, not that Kise expects this to be easy. Next, he asks for a basketball game.

**Kise**  
…and maybe we can go to that coffee shop behind the park. Or we can go to that before basketball. ☕🍩🍵🏀🏀🏀

Surprisingly, it’s Murasakibara who replies after five minutes.

**Murasakibaracchi**  
So far Kise-chin.

**Stupid Kise**  
Eh?! 😟 We can meet in the afternoon. You can ride the bullet train Murasakibaracchi.

**Murasakibaracchi**  
Tiring.

**Aominecchi**  
I will just defeat you easily Kise.

**Kise**  
Aominecchi! That’s so mean! 😡😠😡

**Midorimacchi**  
I just played a game yesterday, nanodayo.

Kise pouts at the replies. They are being difficult. He narrows his eyes on the others who haven’t replied. What are they doing? 

**Kurokocchi**  
It would be great to play together again. 

_He speaks! ___

__Kise grins. He isn’t surprised when the others begin to reconsider, after all, its Kurokocchi. Kise still feels guilty about how he treated his polite friend back in middle school just as he feels very grateful that Kurokochi brought him back. Kise is sure that the other Generation of Miracles feel the same to the point that they are all ready to give in to anything Kuroko wants. Still, that guilt will probably never go away and Kise can’t really say for sure what other guilt the other bears._ _

__Kise sighs dramatically, wishing that Haizaki can talk to him._ _

__

__**Akashicchi**  
Murasakibara, a bullet train ticket will be waiting for you in the 7th booth. We can meet in the afternoon, at 1:00 on the street court in the park near Seirin High._ _

__

__And that’s the absolute order which no one dares to say otherwise. If only fixing this rift between them is as easy.__

__◦ ❈ ◦_ _

_  
_Well, it’s not. That’s why Kise is texting Haizaki while the Generation of Miracles are sitting quietly in the coffee shop. Their match was...fine? Kise shrugs at that. It was the most stilted match they ever played, before, all the matches were vicious, rowdy but fun. But that match…Kise sighs. It's filled with awkward smiles, Kurokocchi and Aominechi pulling from their usual fist bump with dimming smiles before their hands can even touch, not to mention Akasicchi and Midorimacchi avoiding eye contact. Kise sighs again, pouting at nothing. And when the tension became so unbearable that they cannot even play anymore, they decided to take a break in the coffee shop. The cute designs and décor apparently cannot dissolve the pesky weird tension, even the food wasn’t powerful enough. They have been sitting here quietly for hours! (Not really but it felt like it!) Maybe a miracle? Sighing for the third time, Kise slumps at the thought, where can he find a miracle? That’s not a pun! Shaking his head to clear it, he mumbles. Having a nickname ‘miracle’ is kind of difficult during conversations. Anyway, other than them, miracles rarely happen. Finding one will be difficult. Surely even if Kise get out to for a quest—_  
_

__

__**Shougocchi**  
Idiots. What’s the problem now?_ _

__

__Eyes widening, Kise shrieks. Shougo is a miracle too, right? Well, at least, previously. The other basketball players sitting around the table looks at him in alarm._ _

__“What’s your problem Kise?” Aominecchi asks with a frown._ _

__“Shougocchi is back! He went to New York with his step-father and they just landed. Let’s call him!” Without waiting for answers, he pressed the call icon. Changing his mind, he presses the video call next. Not even a second passes before Shougo connects. Grinning widely, Kise crosses the table to sit between Akashicchi and Kurokucchi, allowing others to see the phone screen._ _

__“Ow, Kisechin,” Murasakibara lazily complains._ _

__“Opps, sorry Murasakibarachhi!”_ _

__“That’s disgusting nanodayo, where are your table manners?!”_ _

__“I’m sorry! Shougocchi is calling!”_ _

__From the screen, Shougo glares. “You are the one who called, bastard! Like I’ll call you?”_ _

__Kise smiles at the phone, “Aw, hello Shougocchi! Guys, say hello to Shougocchi!”_ _

__“Don’t ignore what I’ve said, you shitty sunflower!”_ _

__Tetsuya smiles politely. “Hello, Haizaki-kun. Sunflowers are beautiful flowers.” He continues to smile serenely through Haizaki’s enraged shock._ _

__Aomine smirks, shooting Kuroko an amused smile before adding, “Is that how you give endearments? That’s lame man.”_ _

__Kise laughs cheerily. “I know you love me, Shougocchi!”_ _

__From the screen, there’s a loud thud before Haizaki’s background stilled. It seems that he stopped walking. “You annoying Generation of Shits! Sunflowers are the worst flowers among those stupid plants! It’s so yellow, it has weird pointy many petals and smells so disgusting, got it?!” Haizaki sneers at them, teeth bared and all threatening. Unfortunately, the said Generation of Shits just gave him smiles (Kuroko), smirks (Aomine, Murasakibara, Kise) and hidden smirks (Akashi and Midorima). Haizaki curses loudly._ _

__“You’re not very scary now, Haichin,” Murasakibara comments in his usual lazy voice._ _

__Haizaki looks worried at this. “Fuck, why not?!”_ _

__Murasakibara shrugs as Kise and Aomine guffaws in the sides, leaning at each other. Midorima grabs the phone with an annoyed expression._ _

__“You’re not holding it right.”_ _

__“Sorry, sorry.” Trying to sit upright despite the occasional chortles, Kise forces an acceptable serious face. “I'm not laughing anymore.”_ _

__Haizaki gives him an unimpressed look._ _

__“Ow!” Rubbing his side, Kise looks at Kuroko, sure that it’s the blue teen who jabbed him. Sure enough, Kuroko has his hand still at the position. “That’s so mean Kurokocchi!”_ _

__Aomine leans to give Kuroko a fist bump, the former partners sharing victorious smiles._ _

__From the screen, Haizaki rolls his eyes before bending, the screen showing a bag on the floor. Then the background begins to change as the former Miracle begins to walk. “You dipshits are still disgustingly buddy-buddy. Go rot in hell, fuck you.”_ _

__The screen turns black._ _

__“Aw!” Kise pouts, dramatically slumping on the plush chair of the coffee shop. “He left us!”_ _

__Akashi smiles at him. “He’s probably on the exit, we can call him again later.”_ _

__“Do you think he has sweets?” Murasakibara asks._ _

__Aomine snorts. “You just ate too many cakes.”_ _

__Midorima scoffs. "Your one to talk.”_ _

__Aomine rolls his eyes as he leans on the couch. “So, we all lost, huh?”_ _

__Sipping his tea and putting the delicate china on the saucer gently, Akashi answers, “We did.”__

____

____

__They share commiserating smiles._ _

__“It’s a little surprising,” Kuroko adds, also sipping his tea. “Oh, it’s cold now.”_ _

__Akashi calls the attention of the waiter, ordering a new round of beverages and cakes. As usual, he already knew their preferences. “Another snack as we talk about it will be good.”_ _

__Aomine nods. “Add chips.”_ _

__“More cakes.”_ _

__Akashi indulgently orders the demands._ _

__“Have you figured how that Zone Break work, Akashi?” Midorima asks as their table is cleared to make way for the new food._ _

__“I don’t care how it works, I will defeat it.” Aomine growls, excitement palpable around him. He points at Kuroko as he adds, “After I defeat you and Kagami.”_ _

__Kuroko looks at Aomine steadily. “I accept the challenge, Aomine-kun.”_ _

__Kise stands, narrowly avoiding the waiter who is delivering the last of their orders. “I’m going to defeat Kurokocchi and Kagamicchi too! Then Shougocchi!”_ _

__“No one asked you.” Midorima just pushes his eyeglasses, ignoring the teary eyes directed at him._ _

__“Right,” Murasakibara agrees before devouring the cake set in front of him. “Kisechin is so loud.”_ _

__Slumping back to his seat, Kise sniffs. “You are so mean. Akashicchi, they are so mean, sou~”_ _

__Aomine kicks him. “Kise fight your own battles!”_ _

__“No!”_ _

__“Idiot.”_ _

__“You’re being a coward, Kise-kun.”_ _

__“Your annoying, nanodayo.”_ _

__“So loud, Ki-chin.”_ _

__“Hey!”_ _

__“Everyone, stop picking on Kise. Despite it being fun.”_ _

__“Akashicchi! You're mean too!”_ _

__Kise’s betrayed expression prompts the five to laugh, filling their booth with happiness that Kise ends up joining in. Even as the laughter eventually subsides, their chatter continues. They talk more of the previous games then more stories from their middle school are brought up._ _

__While they are talking about the last Tanabata they attended together, Kise remembers Shougo. “Wait! Let’s call Shougocchi!”_ _

__“Yes, he must be already out of the airport or on the way home so he’s probably free now,” Kuroko agrees._ _

__They sit more closely again, not that they moved much from their previous position after the last call._ _

__“What?” Haizaki lifts an eyebrow. He looks to be in a garden or some sort._ _

__“Where are you, Shougocchi?”_ _

__“Home.”_ _

__“Eh, I remember that tree.” Aomine points the tall tree behind Haizaki._ _

__Haizaki smirks. “I’m surprised you do.”_ _

__Aomine gives the phone a good view of his middle finger though he looks part amused. “Bastard.”_ _

__“Please don’t be rude, both of you.” Kuroko looks at them with disapproval._ _

__“Stop being too nice,” Haizaki shot back. “So?” he looks at all of them expectantly._ _

__“What?” Kise looks back, confused._ _

__“Your shits fine again?”_ _

__Comprehension dawns on the 6 basketball players and they look away, uncomfortable with the topic they had been stubbornly ignoring._ _

__Haizaki snorts. “This is so funny.” He laughs, causing the image on the phone to shake._ _

__Kise pouts at him as voices of disapproval from the others rang around him._ _

__Haizaki soon raises a hand. “Fine, fine. I’ll shut it now, not like I care about your friendship shit anyway.”_ _

__“It sounds like you do, Haizaki-kun,” Akashi points out._ _

__Haizaki grumbles angrily._ _

__“What did you do in New York, anyway?” Aomine asks._ _

__“Do you have snacks?”_ _

__“None of your business and no, I don’t have.”_ _

__“Lame.”_ _

__“Fuck off.”_ _

__“What did you see?” Kise looks excitedly at the ash teen lazily strolling._ _

__Haizaki shrugs. “Nothing much. It’s winter so everything looks dull. We didn’t stay long and we didn’t visit any scenic or tourist spots—_ _

__They saw it. Haizaki’s face froze suddenly, his eyes widening before the image abruptly changes. Then they can only see an unmoving head with ash-colored hair covering the majority of Haizaki’s face._ _

__Kise doesn’t react, no. He’s never the kind who can manage to snap in attention when something bad happens. He just sits for what seemed like forever. Inside, cold runs in his body even when his skin feels too hot. The sound around him is muted, only his heartbeat audible._ _

__It took a while before he manages to feel Murasakibara pulling him from the couch. The large hand is steady and firm around his shoulders. It's reassuring._ _

__He finally notices his friends. Kuroko has their bags, Midorima throwing money to their table, Aomine is already pushing the door apart and holding it open for them while Akashi is talking to someone on his phone._ _

__“The car is already outside. Let’s go.”_ _

__And then they are all moving briskly. Inside the car, Kuroko holds Kise’s left hand as Midorima guides him to some breathing exercises._ _

__The others look at him worriedly, also offering reassurance. It feels like their old friendship when they are still middle schoolers but this time, it's stronger. As if they are family now. And maybe they are. Maybe their broken bonds created something better now that they are back together._ _

__“Shougo?” he asks weakly when the air in his lungs becomes more steady._ _

__“From what we can hear from the phone, they are bringing him to the nearest hospital. We are going there too,” Akashi answers._ _

__“Is he okay?”_ _

__No one can answer him. When they reached the hospital, they saw Momoi with Takao, Kasamatsu, Tatsuya, Kagami, and Furihata.__

__◦ ❈ ◦_ _

_  
_

#### 318:10:00

__KASAMATSU wakes on the day of the championship with dejection and grim acceptance. Going in the stadium without the need of his uniform is the final evidence that he wasn’t able to lead his team to the top. No one blamed him on their lose against Fukuda Sogo for the quarter-finals but Kasamatsu still feels responsible._ _

__So he slowly showers and changes. As for eating, he can’t really let himself look miserable in front of his younger siblings. The other third-year players meet him halfway and together, they reached the stadium which is filling faster than normal. They watch the Seirin and Shutoku match with a little chatter, again acknowledging that the Seirin players have grown stronger. Kasamatsu feels the familiar bitterness settle in him when he remembers that he lost his chance to have a revenge match against the team. Breathing steadily to shake off the negative emotion, Kasamatsu joins the applause when Seirin won with a 5-point margin, wider than before. At least, the two other teams finally settled their own revenge match._ _

__Finally, it’s time for the last and awaited match. The announcer starts introducing the red players; if asked, Kasamatsu really doesn’t know what to feel for Fukuda Sogo; they just suddenly came in from almost obscurity then suddenly they are kicking powerhouses._ _

__When the first quarter starts with Rakuzan totally wiping the floor with Fukuda, Kasamatsu’s grip to the edge of his chair got firmer. Bitter or not, Kasamatsu wants Fukuda to win. Then the second quarter happens and it’s revealed that Haizaki and his teammates apparently have amazing talents in acting. Kasamatsu curses loudly, surprising his teammates but it's fine since most of the people around them are also reacting as strongly. Fukuda Sogo students the most, they are so loud and relaxed with their questionable language; lucky for them, most of the other spectators are teenagers and those in their twenties who are familiar with this behavior though some still give them disbelieving looks._ _

__Kasamatsu finally settles in his seat weakly, admitting that their defeat by Fukuda Sogo was ‘natural’. Even a sour Kasamatsu can see _strong_ when he sees it. What Fukuda Sogo's players are doing is the pinnacle of the discipline of fighting which is something that Kaijo hasn't achieved. Yet._ _

__It came almost normal that they won in the end. Kasamatsu smirks, at least their defeaters are champions._ _

__After the awarding, the Generation of Miracles clustered at a corner, drawing other people’s glances automatically. Their combined presence is that strong. Kasamatsu feels a little tinge of possessiveness; that Kise is already Kaijo’s Ace, not the 5th man, but the captain shoves that thought since he knew the Generation of Miracles is more than just a group, it meant friendship to the five first years—six._ _

__“Let’s go. Text Kise to meet us outside when he’s ready.”_ _

__Hayakawa agrees to send the text and as one, they vacated the chairs. On the way out, Kasamatsu sees Kise’s familiar jacket. However, the wearer is wrong—it’s not Kise, the blonde had always excluded warmth and radiance but the person wearing the coat now is the complete opposite._ _

__The figure looks at them._ _

__“Kaijo, huh?”_ _

__“Haizaki.”_ _

__Kasamatsu meets the Ace’s eyes squarely, he heard the first year’s unsavory attitude and he refuses to show weakness to cocky first years who don't respect their senpais._ _

__Haizaki nods and begins to walk away._ _

__“Don’t get fooled, he acknowledges your team,” a voice behind interjects. The Kaijo players are surprised to see Fukuda Sogo Academy’s players behind them._ _

__The captain, Ishida, adds, “He’s just a little spiky on the outside but he respects Kaijo’s strength. We all do. Our last match was great.”_ _

__At that, Kasamatsu doesn’t know what to say aside from nodding. His team seems to reach the same reaction. The red players who look still on the brink of exhaustion wave a little before following their ash-haired Ace._ _

__“That’s nice,” Moriyama comments._ _

__Kasamatsu agrees._ _

__

__THE NEXT DAY, Kasamatsu feels the need to get better. Receiving acknowledgment from the people who defeated them just fueled this feeling so Kasamatsu gets up early, runs faster and longer. After lunch and some chores, his fingers still itch so he grabs his basketball and dribbles it to the nearest court._ _

__There, he starts grueling drills to further hone his foundations. It’s not long before someone manages to interrupt him. It’s a guy with dark hair covering one eye. That’s Himuro Tatsuya of Yousen, right? What is he doing in Tokyo?_ _

__Tatsuya smiles enigmatically and Kasamatsu remembers that these year’s basketball freshmen are not fair. Not only are they unbelievably talented but also winners on the visual aspects._ _

__“Kasamatsu-senpai, right? Please don’t mind me, I’m just going to sit here and pass the time.” The first-year points at one of the benches. Kasamatsu shrugs. Unfortunately, he isn’t able to get back in his practice because the loud Shutoko player descends on the court not even a minute later._ _

__“Are you two also here because of the GOM gathering? C’mon, they are going to a café near here, let’s go spy on them!”_ _

__“Oh, that’s not very nice,” Tatsuya begins to say only for Takao to drag him._ _

__“Don’t worry about it!”_ _

__Kasamatsu regrets meeting the two. On their way, they bump into more basketball players._ _

__“Kagami and Furihata of Seirin!” Takao greets loudly, making Kasamatsu wince. Why is this first year so loud?_ _

__“Takao!” Kagami points at the player with an almost funny expression of shock. The red-hair’s eyes only got bigger when he sees the other players who are being dragged by the Shutoku player. “Tatsuya!”_ _

__Tatsuya gives his brother a smile. “Yo, Taiga.”_ _

__“What are you doing here?”_ _

__It's Takao who answers enthusiastically. “We are going to spy Shin-chan and the other GOM! You should join us.”_ _

__Furihata’s face becomes ashen. “N-no—_ _

__When Takao successfully drags them all behind the bushes outside of the Coffee Shop, Kasamatsu feels an odd grudging respect for the bearer of the Hawk-Eye._ _

__“Owah, this is not going so good. They are so awkward.” Takao snickers, his hand covering his own mouth._ _

__Kasamatsu silently agrees._ _

__A female voice speaks._ _

__“Ano…what are you doing?”_ _

__Kasamatsu feels his anxiety rise. He is never the best with girls. Thankfully, Takao answers._ _

__“Momoi-san! Hi! We are spying on Shin-chan.”_ _

__The pink lady smiles in amusement before sitting beside Takao._ _

__“Are you here to spy too, Momoi-san?”_ _

__“No, Akashi-kun asked me to check on you guys.”_ _

__“He saw us?” Kagami frowns._ _

__Momoi nods which prompted loud curses from the red hair. Kasamatsu cringes, this is embarrassing. This spying is bad enough, being caught is worse._ _

__Momoi sighs sadly as she looks forlornly at the basketball prodigies gathered inside the shop. “They used to just fit with each other.”_ _

__Soon they notice Kise pulling his phone then the GOM actually started interacting._ _

__“Ahh, it looks like it’s going to be alright,” the brunette from Seirin says tentatively._ _

__Kagami squints. “About goddamn time, they are being stupid. Kuroko should really just punch them and be done with it.”_ _

__Tatsuya laughs softly. “Taiga.”_ _

__“What? It’s true!”_ _

__However, the friendly atmosphere around the Generation of Miracle’s table disappears and they appear to be in a panic. Kasamatsu frowns when he sees Kise frozen on the seat. There must be something seriously wrong. Kasamatsu only saw Kise act like that back when they had their first practice match against Seirin where Kise accidentally elbows Kuroko on the head._ _

__Momoi looks assessingly before standing quickly when she sees a black car pull in front of the café. “It must be something about Haizaki-kun.” They observe a little more before the pink-haired lady tells them to follow her._ _

__“They seem to be going in the hospital, we should take the train to the hospital near Haizaki-kun’s house.”_ _

__“Which one?” Kagami asks, there’s worry etching in his face. “He has two, right?”_ _

__“Haizaki-kun is staying currently at his father’s house.”_ _

__“Your information gathering skill is scary, Momoi-san,” Takao observes.__

__◦ ❈ ◦_ _

_  
_

#### 373:00:04

__ANNA has been preparing for her wedding. Since the wedding was planned since before the events involving her cousin, Tim Kiruna, she doesn’t have too much work now but she still needs to change the invitations and add some new decorations currently in trend. It can still become frustrating but Anna doesn’t mind, it’s part of the experience and its finally going to happen after years of uncertainty if it can even occur without sacrificing her son’s feelings._ _

__Admittedly, regarding her son, she wasn’t the perfect mother. Some may even call her cold; she refused to baby talk Shougo; she wasn’t very patient in crouching and playing with her child in the ground; she prefers going to work than staying in for the whole day doing nothing but babysitting. Those roles which were traditionally women’s responsibility went to Yuriha since their wedding. She was even the stern parent while Yuriha frequently gave in to Shougo whenever the baby shows the first sign of screaming or crying._ _

__That doesn’t mean that Anna loved Shougo less; she loves him so much. It’s not measured by going gooey and dirty with baby drool and snot. She loves him in her own way, end of discussion. If someone asks her heart for her son’s life, she will give it along with her kidneys so, of course, she agreed to drive Shougo home from the airport after his brief visit to New York._ _

__While they are traveling to Yuriha’s house—which is rapidly becoming Shougo’s permanent residency in Anna’s annoyance—Shougo’s phone frequently lights up._ _

__“Your teammates?”_ _

__Shougo snorts, still trying to ignore his phone. “Past teammates. It’s those rainbow-colored ass—idiots.” He looks at her briefly for that slip-up. Anna’s fiancé, Asahi, had asked Shougo to avoid curses and Anna supported this. With a lot of grumbling, Shougo agreed to try at least in their presence. Sometimes it works._ _

__Anna just let it slide with an amused look. “That reminds me, Seijii Akashi-san called you yesterday, right?”_ _

__“Yeah. After our dinner. Why?”_ _

__“What did he want? It’s not bad, right?”_ _

__“It’s not, just something about his son.”_ _

__Anna waits for more but Shougo just continues to stare out of the window. She isn’t content with the information given but she also approves of her son keeping the secrets entrusted to him by other people. It's a new positive attitude.__

__◦ ❈ ◦_ _

_  
_SHE LETS SHOUGO walk on the surroundings of the house as she parks her car. She checks her phone to make sure that she doesn’t have urgent business waiting. After a brief call to the florist who is in charge of the flowers needed for the wedding, she gathers her bag which contains clothes for her overnight stay. Finally, she steps out of the car and away from the garage. Glancing around to spot her son, she doesn’t immediately see him. Walking further on the green grass blanketing the surrounding space, she finally sees him._  
_  


__She smiles, only to quickly lose it when she determines that Shougo’s form isn’t of someone comfortably enjoying the last rays of the sun. His body is bent awkwardly, his leg pinned painfully, his head covered by his hair oddly in a way that can only happen if he took time to style it that way before he lied down or if he fell. Given the angles of his hands, it’s more likely that he fell._ _

__Her heart plummets when she sees him like that, crumpled on the ground. His powerful build distorted, and his presence, which made everyone falter, non-existence._ _

__She feels something in her go cold and Anna just knows that Shougo’s not there anymore._ _

__She begins to cry uncontrollably, her usual composed manner gone as she hurries to Shougo. She turns him so that he’s lying on his back with his chin slightly lifted. Contrary to her world which is losing its stability, her hand is steady as she gives a firm push to her unconscious son’s chest. Even when the guards start running to them, she puts her hand on top of the other as she pushes in the middle chest. All throughout, she is too aware that there’s no rising, no warm air coming from the body. No heartbeat. She hates herself for crying too much that she needs to gasp for breath. She should be delivering rescue breaths!_ _

__A woman is talking and it took some time before Anna registers that the woman is telling her that she’s a trained medic. With great difficulty, Anna steps aside to let the woman assess the situation._ _

__Anna doesn’t go far though; she takes her son’s hand and doesn’t let go even when her tears stain the pale skin. Willing the pulse to start again. Praying to anyone who can help her to bring him back._ _

__She must have been calling his name over and over since she’s hearing it repeatedly._ _

__An elderly woman touches her shoulders, “We’ve called the hospital, Kiruna-sama, they are sending the ambulance immediately.”_ _

__Anna nods, hearing nothing more as she looks back to the medic who is continuously performing Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. Finding nothing that can reassure her from the action, she stares at Shougo’s face._ _

__God, he’s so young. She needs him here. Not, yet. Not, yet. Please._ _

__Even with heavy emotion and frantic heartbeats, she is aware of the time. Too aware. So when minutes have passed without sign of the ambulance she asks loudly. “Where’s the ambulance!”_ _

__It’s the employee monitoring the phone who answers with a faint tremble in his words. “There’s an accident on the main road, it’s being cleared swiftly. The ambulance will be here soon, ma’am.”_ _

__Anna grips Shougo’s hand more firmly, _(it's almost 10 minutes, they cannot further delay)_ her heart going heavy because _is it going cold?_ “Ready the car, we will meet it.”_ _

__The people follow her immediately, soon there’s a stretcher and a car is driven near them regardless of the flowers and delicate landscape being ruined under the rubber tires. With the medic’s direction, they are on their way, not even a minute after._ _

__They meet the ambulance halfway to the hospital, the road thankfully open again. The cars on the road decelerate, moving on the side and even stopping to let the ambulance pass. There's something great on the way the colorful vehicles parts in their way but no one can pay it attention._ _

__Anna has her eyes firmly glued to her son. The doctors—doctors? Yes, yes. —attached something on the unresponsive body as they ask questions to the medic. Cause? CPR—yes, continuously—unconscious—don’t know. Visible injuries? Wound? Past? No, no, the first time. No; no heart problems, family history—no, no. How long? 15 minutes? Yes—_ _

__Will they finally use those—what are those? Anna is sure she knows what they are called, paddles? Electric paddles, no, no, defia—defiatiator? It’s been 15 minutes without heartbeat shouldn’t it only be 10—no, about that machine, it’s called defi-- _ **10 minutes**_ \--defibrillator! Defibrillator, something to do with the heart. A non-beating heart. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Breath, breath, breath—calm down. How many is that—something—no. A non-beating heart, how long can one have a non-beating heart? None beatin—_ _

__**Shougo can’t be dead.** _ _

__With a stuttering breath Anna’s thoughts finally slow. He can’t be. The doctors exchange meaningful looks as one of them pulled what looks like a syringe. The efforts don’t stop for a second. When they stop with what looks like a balloon, someone continues with CPR. Anna watches unmoving. Her strong heartbeat like the sound of a knife stabbing her. It’s so loud. So strong. So fast. So constant. Very present._ _

__Then the people are wheeling Shougo into the emergency room, the subtle shake of the heads and grave exchanges fill Anna with more dread. She sits without strength left in her body, afraid and too angry to even consider resignation. Still, when her fiancé arrives she can’t even speak. She can’t reassure Yuriha and his own fiancé that Shougo is alright, that their son will make it. Shougo’s friends and teammates came, even doctors but no one managed to snap her in attention. When Shiori offers his warm arms to lean on, she accepts without thought. She doesn’t know what to do; she feels detached from her surroundings._ _

__When there’s no grim doctor walking towards them within the next few minutes, her heart soars a little. That changed to additional dread and confusion when more doctors enter the emergency room while others run towards somewhere only to return again. It must have been almost an hour when Anna finally reaches her peak. When another frantic doctor exits, Anna pulls the man._ _

__The frantic doctor looks at her with confusion, tension, hesitance, and even some dread._ _

__She looks at the young doctor straight in the eye, her grey eyes dark with emotion and with a threatening voice that promises possible destruction of careers, she asks, “How is my son?” Is he dead?_ _

__She shakes him roughly when he responds incoherently. "Answer me, damnit! I swear I will ruin you! Don't you know who I am?!"_ _

__With his wide eyes staring at her, the doctor stutters, “H-he’s de—dead—_ _

__This must be how it feels when a mother's world collapses, one can’t even notice how it begins but only how it leaves chaos and emptiness. She slowly lets go of the doctor as the anger leaves her. Anna feels weightless as she begins to slump to the cold hospital floor, her sight blurring._ _

__The doctor makes a frantic action as he hurriedly adds, “Well, at least—at least clinically dead only—_ _

__**What?** _ _

__The doctor continues, “His heart won’t start even with all the efforts but we can’t proclaim him legally dead since there’s still brain activity—_ _

__A loud slap resonated in the hallway._ _

__It’s not Anna’s hand._ _

__Yuriha slaps the shocked doctor for the second time._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to those who follow the calendar I'm used to:) Well, I hope it's something 'happy'.


	3. Really Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter to start moving this year.
> 
> 4 is not nice to my writing, really.
> 
> Changed LA to New York. LA is a mistake, I probably got it from reading fanfics where Nijimura is in LA but for this fanfic, Niji is in NYC. Is there any specific country in America mentioned by the Author of the KnB?

◦ ❈ ◦

THE GOLD GLINTS as it sways under the first morning rays.

Usami continues to stare at the medal in disbelief. He has a Winter High Basketball Championship medal. It’s gold.

“Seriously, can you just get over it?” an amused voice beside him asks.

The basketball player glances at his brothers who are starting to fold their futons. 

“We won Tae, at the game I played in.”

His younger brother, Tae, one of the two siblings he shares a room with snorts as he leaves for the bathroom. Usagi looks at his other brother who has a head buried in their clothes drawer.

“Can you believe it, Je?”

“Yes, aniki. Everyone does, except you. Did you see my white shirt with the red Santa hat?”

“Well, it’s unbelievable. I saw Tae use it last Wednesday.”

“That brat! I’ll entertain your ‘Unbelievable Dilemma’ over breakfast. First, I need to talk with that lazy-shirt-stealing-ugly creature!” the younger male answers as his heavy feet pounds out of the small room.

The remaining teen shrugs as he turns his attention back to the medal. It has the winter High logo, the word ‘Champion’ artfully written around it with the current year. At the back, his name is etched. The white and red ribbon is a bit rough but sturdy. The dirt he noticed yesterday is still there like the subtle scent of his sweat.

After he studied all of these, _again,_ he turns to the white envelope he carefully placed under his pillow.

The Hikari University seal is still there. Receiving a letter of invitation from the university had been unexpected. A scholarship offer? _A dream._ And also very rare. But it’s all here, inside the simple envelope which is not as pristine after surviving the curious care of his large family. 

Usami never planned to enter college because of it’s financial burden that his family can’t possibly bear. So, of course, it's unbelievable. He had a game; he played; he won (with his team); he had fun; he ate in a fancy restaurant; ride in a limo; then, got home with a scholarship. He never thought that kind of thing happens.

He slips out the first paper from the envelope.

_Congratulations!_

“Shit, I’m going to college,” his lips widen as his cheeks begins to warm, his eyes bright as he stares at the ceiling of their tiny apartment.

There’s a gruff clearing of a throat.

Someone is looking at him from the doorway. The man is built huge with hard muscles from hard work, his skin dark from long hours under the sun, paired with stern aging face.

“Otou-san, I can attend college for free.”

His father’s face remains stern but he extends a hand carrying a steaming cup.

“And you still have work to go to, unless you want to walk to school next week. College is still a long way.”

“Doable,” he sips the warm liquid–it tastes victory. “Let’s have Teppanyaki for dinner?”

“Your mom is already out to buy the meat.”

◦ ❈ ◦

LATE IN THE AFTERNOON, after their part-time work, Usami is walking home with Ishida, his friend, and Captain in school.

“New York?” he asks in disbelief. “That rich kid is busy.”

Ishida laughs. “Yes, the blonde kid from Kaijo has it all over his social media accounts.”

“And I thought those two are enemies.”

The captain snorts. “Haizaki’s words only, apparently,” his phone suddenly rang which he pulls with ease. “That hate is one-sided at best—oh, hey, it’s Coach.” 

They stop and move out of the way so that Ishida can answer the call without bumping to anybody.

“Yes, coach?”

Usami also checks his phone for the time, not giving attention to the private conversation. He is about to check his mail when a hand grips his arm and spins him towards the nearest train station.

“Ishida? Oi!”

“It’s Haizaki, he’s in the hospital. The coach said it’s not looking good.”

◦ ❈ ◦

Haizaki might be harsh and generally not the best company but it’s not surprising to see a lot of people already at the hospital when Usami and his Captain arrived. Ishida stops outside to make calls since it’s forbidden to do so in the waiting room so Usami agrees to go ahead.

He notices the Generation of Miracles first due to their odd hair colors, but his attention easily moves forward when he hears a skin hitting skin. He saw Haizaki’s biological father slap the rattled doctor for a second time.

He winces at the loud sound. That must have hurt. 

A doctor with neat green hair hurries towards the scene. The doctor bows to the parents as he apologizes for the younger doctor who hurries away after receiving the slightest sign of permission.

Anna, Haizaki’s mother, glares at the green-haired doctor. “Speak!”

“Currently, your son is…” the doctor speaks softly which makes his words unclear to anyone eavesdropping.

Usami tries to get near them but the adults soon walk inside a door.

There are hurried footsteps coming from the hallway before the familiar faces of his teammates reached him.

“Hey.” He nods at his 3rd-year friends before he smiles at his kouhai(s). “Hey, kiddos.”

“How is Haizaki-kun, senpai?”

“I don’t know. The doctor and his parents are currently talking,” he points at the door, “Coach Hoshitani?”

“Coming," Ishida answers.

They all got quiet, all the important questions exhausted. Usami notices the shift though. His younger teammates avoid looking at the other first-year basketball players waiting with them. Instead, they stand in the furthest corner.

Usami observes the Generation of Miracles who managed to **destroy** their previous opponents when they were merely snotty middle schoolers. They are also quiet and obviously disturbed by Haizaki’s situation. Their presence in the court muted. They, who can be monsters during games, look as lost as them in the cold of the sterilized room.

Another five teens are with the prodigies along with a female with pink hair, Momoi. It’s surprising to see kids from other schools mixed in with the former middle-school team. However, it's more surprising to see them seated together with ease. The pink-haired lady is sitting near Aomine-kun, the hawk-eyed first year whispering something to the green-haired shooter of Shoutuko High, the brunette young man from Seirin is sitting between two redheads—Akashi-kun and Seirin’s ace named Kagami. Usami finds it funny, especially with how the brunet, Furihata-kun, tries to edge away from Akashi-kun. Beside Kagami is Tatsuya Himuro of Yousen who is giving candy to his teammate, Murasakibara. The last man, Yukio Kasamatsu who Usami knew from previous games is giving reassuring pats to Kise Ryouta who remains an anomaly to Usami. The young blonde is supposedly their rival but recently, he’s constantly fluttering around their team’s ace.

Usami is just glad that the first years have others with them since it’s clear that no one from Fukuda Suoguo will readily offer. 

The doctor with green hair and a man wearing a black suit walks towards them.

The basketball players stand in attention.

The doctor gives them a kind smile. “I am Doctor Midorima Yamato. I am one of the doctors looking after the patient. Beside me is Hiroko-san, lawyer of Haizaki-kun’s family who gave me permission to tell you the situation but they asked that you all sign an agreement of confidentiality. My team and the hospital itself also signed such an agreement. If you have no objections, I’ll let Hiroko-san explain further.”

Usami and his team exchange glances, uncertain and hesitant. This all just sounds serious.

“I’ll sign, can I see Shougo now?” the blonde, Kise, asks. The bubbly model is far from his usual attitude with the steel in his voice and serious appearance.

Ishida also finally nods. “My team will sign.”

Akashi Seijuurou also agrees on behalf of his former team. The lawyer explains briefly before they were all signing their names.

After studying the papers, the lawyer nods to the doctor.

“Alright, everyone, follow me." The doctor leads them to a door. “We cannot allow your numbers to enter the room where Haizaki-kun is in due to his delicate condition. He is currently in intensive care—

Usami frowns when the green-haired teenager suddenly interrupts.

“Remove your coat.”

It slowly dawns on him that the teen also has the doctor’s last name.

“Get it off, father,” Midorima Shintaro repeats. “And explain to me—us—as my father. Haizaki…Haizaki is our f-friend. Please don’t talk with us as a doctor who has _just_ another patient.”

Two pairs of green eyes met before the doctor slowly sheds his outer robe.

Midorima-kun smiles and it’s so alike the doctor’s. They move in front of a wide glass.

Usami’s breath hitches. Inside, Haizaki’s parents are hovering over an unconscious body. Usami’s heart speeds up upon looking at his kouhai who looks so frail with all the tubes and machines attached to his body. The absent worry suddenly attacks him now that the physical evidence is present.

For Japanese students, Haizaki has always been taller and broader. He’s also stronger and brusquer. Usami never saw Haizaki as one of his regular kouhais who he treats like his younger siblings, instead, he associated him with his father. A constant, reliable, sturdy person.

Seeing him on the white bed and sheets, Haizaki looks like his younger brothers. Vulnerable. With his pale skin and grey hair, he even looks _fading_.

The doctor leans on the wall, eyes never leaving the glass. He sounds tired when he speaks.

“Your friend had a Sudden Cardiac Arrest.”

Akashi-kun and Midorima-kun react visibly, a proof that they have knowledge on the significance of the words while Usami admits that he struggles to remember.

“His heart stopped?” a first-year, Furihata-kun asks. He has his head cocked to the side and seemingly without a conscious decision of speaking out since he blushed after his words.

“So you use paddles to restore it, right?” 

This time, Usami looks at Kagami-kun who spoke. The first year has both split brows wrinkled, seemingly in worry.

The doctor smiles sadly. “Unfortunately, unlike from dramas, paddles or defibrillator is not the answer for every Cardiac Arrest. First, you must know that Haizaki-kun’s parents didn’t have access to paddles for almost fifteen minutes so they performed CPR. The hospital ambulance met them halfway complete with the appropriate apparatus and the doctors inside the ambulance detected no electrical pattern in your friend’s heart.”

Usami frowns. “Electrical…?”

It is Aomine-kun who asks loudly, “What electrical?”

“Our heart runs with electricity. This internal electrical system controls the rate and rhythm of our heartbeat. Disruption of this electrical system may cause the heart unable to pump or may even cause it to stop completely. We can go to my office later where I can explain more with the appropriate visuals but for now, bear with me. Here,” the doctor drew a slow and continuous wave in the air. “This is our healthy heartbeat. If someone has Sudden Heart Arrest, their heartbeat might look like this,” he drew small, sharp waves. “That means, the electrical heart rhythm is thrown out of sync and they quiver and they don’t pump. You might also see fast, irregular lines meaning that the main pumping of the heart contract too fast that they do not properly release oxygenated blood. For these situations, we use the paddles which disrupts and momentarily stops the heart using electricity to reset and hopefully resume the normal heart rhythm.

“Now, what about the flatline that you see in the movies? Flatlines, which we call asystole, means that there’s no electrical heart pattern to disrupt at all. That’s what the doctors found in your friend. In this situation we cannot use the paddles, instead, we switch to CPR to keep the body oxygenated as we look for the reason why the heart is not beating. We also administer medicines to stimulate heartbeat.”

Usami swallows. “So, how is he now, did you manage to…” his hand gestures indistinguishable.

The doctor shakes his head. “No.”

A low voice immerges from the middle of the colorful basketball players. “Not yet.” 

Usami glances at Kise who is subtly supported by Midorima and the violet colored tall first year. Kise has a dangerous spark in his eyes as he looks at the doctor. “Not yet.”

Doctor Midorima watches them for a while before nodding.

“The doctor before, the one Haizaki’s mom slapped, he said Haizaki is dead,” Aomine says.

At the reminder, the newcomers, Fukuda Sougou, look at their unconscious teammate in shock.

The man sighs. “I apologize for my colleague, he is new and usually assists more experienced doctors to learn. Let me be blunt, he’s one of the doctors inside of the ambulance. Your friend had no heartbeat for 15 minutes which is critical, he also didn’t respond with the doctors’ efforts. All three doctors who brought him here are not expecting him to survive.”

Usami frowns. “But he’s here,” he snaps. “Not in the m—

He exhales sharply, unable to utter the dreadful place. Ishida puts a heavy hand on his shoulders.

“Yes, in the medical field, one can have many stages of death. There were many debates on when one can say that someone is truly dead. The most common is when the heart stops. That’s what we call clinical death. Usually, when someone’s heart stops, the brain activity and organs follow after minutes. Usually, under 10 minutes even as fast as within 3-5. There’s a new rule though that death comes after brain death. So that’s 10 minutes after clinical death. In this situation, your friend is alive because our machines showed brain activity even at this moment,” the doctor gestures on the machines. “Almost an hour after his heart stopped.

“Machines which can show brain activity is more advance on this age, most can be used for Haizaki-kun. All shows positive results. It’s all very odd though, considering the lack of oxygen running in him. This is all new to us that some of us are even in panic like that previous doctor.”

“Life support,” The Akashi heir says steadily. “There all records of patients—

The first-year captain stops when the doctor shakes his head slowly.

“He is not responding to medicine and our equipment. I also cannot give you certain condition, a name of sickness or abnormality besides that his body is not far from a dead. There’s no enough healthy blood that we can circulate using machines, his body rejects any external blood and fluids as if the veins and tracts are already frozen.” The doctor puts a hand on his mouth, visibly arranging his thoughts to explain in a way that they can understand without giving them too much of the unpleasant details. “For now, we put your friend on life support which is not very effective as we hoped.”

“But, the most important, he’s still alive?” Kagami asks.

“Yes.”

“Good.” The redhead leaned on the wall. “That’s all I need.”

The doctor gives them a warm smile, almost relieved. “Yes…yes, that’s correct. Tests and plans are on-going to help him stay that way.”

They stare at the teen lying on the bed, finding comfort on what they can see. A moment later, the family who was allowed inside starts to slowly leave the room as more medical personnel enters the room.

“What do you think will happen?” Usami asks softly, looking at the green eyes of the doctor standing near him. He knows that the answer might not be positive but he has to know.

“I’m not sure, right now, it’s as if I’m looking at stasis. A person frozen in time. Normally, I’ll tell you he might not make it, after all, Cardiac Arrests are fatal, 95% dies on this condition. The 5% lives due to immediate resurrection using paddles. I never had a patient who came back after a Flatline. However, he’s still there. I want to hope, for all of you, I want to hope that he can make it.”

◦ ❈ ◦

ANNA GIVES A BRIEF explanation of wanting to be alone before walking to the silent hospital halls. When she sees a restroom she enters it before finally letting her tears to fall.

She had always been a Christian due to her parents and she clings to that. Right now, she needs someone all-powerful. 

_God, what must I do? Save him. I’m ready to give up everything. Did I do anything to displease you? I’m sorry. I repent, please forgive me. Just not him, God. Not my son._

She leans on the sink as her cries start to choke her. The sound loud in the tiny room.

Losing her son will never be something that she can survive. She needs to hear those gruff complaints and rare laughs like how she needs the oxygen in the air. 

“God, God, have mercy..." She clenches the cold material of the hand-basin as she bows her head. “Everything, everything else for him.”

She shakily reaches something from her bag. Finding the shape of her phone, she struggles to see the screen past from her tears.

◦ ❈ ◦

OUTSIDE THE RESTROOM which is intended for males, Asahi guards the room as his heart clenches along with his Fiancé’s agony. When his phone vibrates, he is ready to send it in his voicemail again if not for the cherished icon flashing.

“Yes, love?”

“Let’s end the engagement, Shiori.”

“What?” he exhales as his body loses its balance that he leans on the wall. “Why?”

“I-I just—I need it to end! It needs to.”

The man swallows, closing his eyes firmly. He exhales slowly before he answers. “Alright, if that’s what you need this time, we can end it." He retracts a few steps. “Where are you? Are you okay? What else do you need?”

“My son.”

“Do you want to go back to the room?”

“A-are we allowed to go in again?”

“Not yet, but we can watch from the outside. Haizaki-san and Rei is there. If you need more time, they will contact us if there’s any news.”

“Yuriha?”

“Hmm? He’s okay, he is,” he clenches his hands, bringing a fist to his stinging eyes, “crying, Rei is with him.”

There are more sounds of sobs before Anna answers shakily, “I’ll be there in 5.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next is short so updates will be quick. 
> 
> About the SCA, feel free to correct me:) I'll wrapped it up and edit if in the next chapters. Questions are most definitely okay.
> 
> There's no editing, so tell me about any mistakes you found. Comments are welcome.
> 
> Have a nice day to everyone!


	4. Work Discontinued (NotPartoftheWork—Ignore)

Hello!

I wrote the first part of this series because I need a distraction while waiting for updates by kolbiethrninja (writer of the fanfic that inspired this) and wrote the others because writing actually felt nice. Also, because I found a few people who seem to enjoy it. It surprised me, really, but they stayed so...

However, right now, I'm here in my tiny place for the last time, bags on the floor, tickets ready. This is because of the people around me are, accordingly, tired of seeing me unproductive. I never liked that my life is measured by the type of diploma I have, money, job, and property (even partner). _Seriously. ___

__The place I'll be going to is in the mountains where its cold, the internet (and general communication connection) is weak, and work is abundant. Yeah...I know you are already getting it. I'm not sure when I'll be back, that's the main reason for this uhm—notice? Honesty, I want to continue this last part, especially that the place is new. I would have liked "talking" to the few comments givers but I went there last week and there's totally no connection._ _

__Thanks for reading until this part even when the updates during these past months are not consistent. It felt like I found really good friends._ _


	5. How Long Should I

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Middle School, Nijimura Shuuzou's Graduation

WITH HIS steels and screws, Shougo Haizaki is someone difficult to understand but, after almost three years, Nijimura is standing in the 7th alley from the Ichiro Karaoke because he had already learned how Haizaki Shougo tick. He's been waiting there for a while, holding a large rainbow umbrella under the rain which is pouring heavier with time. 

The sky is gray.

Soon, Shuuzou's instinct is proven right as Haizaki emerges from the narrow space not even a minute later. The younger man has a torn shirt with two buttons missing, the visible skin is reddened—someone must have grabbed him during a fight. Normally, middle schoolers who seek fights look childish in Nijimura's eyes (even if he did have a similar record) yet Shougo will always be an exception. This young rebellion looks good on him.

Shougo looks at him blankly with lips pressed tight. The younger man gazes into his eyes, seeking something. Apparently, in the end, he hasn't found it because he breaks their connection first. He grits his teeth before he shoves his clenched fists in his pockets. 

Nijimura tried to ignore how the shift of air feels colder than it should be as the teen passed him. He follows and easily matches the brisk pace, extending the umbrella to cover the already wet teen.

He knows that he should talk, give some explanation, a reason, but Nijimura chooses to let silence accompany them as they head towards Shougo's house.

The sound begins softly which is easily ignored until it gradually increases into sobs. Still, Nijimura doesn't look, instead, he gazes at the shops they are passing through. There are many people seeking refuge from the rain of the gray sky, afraid to feel it's cold and to bask in its presence, to know it's touch. They must be all afraid to know the effects of staying under the gray currently covering the vast space.

The sobs didn't stop even when they reached the average house, gated and with a steel sign which reads 'Haizaki'. 

The older teen stares ahead.

It's a blur when it comes and the sound is muted under the rainfall but the strength of the punch is undeniable as it forces Nijimura to stumble.

Nijimura relishes the pain and doesn't bother with the blood from his split lip. He deserves it and he waits for more. However, nothing comes but the loud sounds of crying. It comes ugly and unrestrained, honest and crude. It breaks even Nijimura's resolve and his legendary unperturbed personality. 

All of self-control slips and he finds himself pulling Shougo to embrace him hard. It starts with only a brush of lips on the cheek, waiting for permission that he knows will be given to him without hesitation. Nijimura can taste the tears in the kiss even when Shougo allows him to delve in.

The umbrella falls, rolling on the drenched earth before settling, allowing the rain to finally soak Nijimura. The new graduate shivers, the rain drops sliding on his skin. He lets it, gripping Shougo tightly. He didn't let the teen to move away from him as he held the grey hair close.

The grey.

He wishes to stay, to find where a life beside the grey-haired teen will lead him. To cling to the unconditional love offered to him freely for reasons Nijimura cannot, for all his intelligence, understand why. Maybe because he doesn't deserve it, it's not for him. 

He slowly slid his hand on the wet back, resting briefly on the elevations he found before he let's go. Then, he releases the grey strands after caressing it with reverence. Finally, he stepped back, allowing the connection to pass.

He can't stay, he realizes how special this is but his family will always come first. He can't choose an uncertain future over those who gave him life. 

He picks his umbrella, covering his body from the rain and its grey source. He's afraid of what will come next if they talk further so he turned around.

It's a goodbye and he can't even tell Shougo he's leaving for America on the next sunrise.

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Two Days Before the Final Match, New York

NIJIMURA'S alarm rings and it's time to stop reminiscing. No, the alarm didn't wake him, he has been awake for a few hours because of a dream. He begins stretching, shrugging the remnants of his dream and the memories it brought up.

He chose to bath under cold water; if it's nostalgia or a form of atonement, the lines had been blurred for almost two years. A warm bath is beginning to get foreign like Japan's street stand's Yakisoba.

He misses home so he tries to bring a piece of it by preparing a traditional Japanese breakfast. He is finishing placing the chopsticks on the table when his two siblings entered the dining room.

Upon seeing the breakfast, the young twins smile gratefully which ease the guilt that has taken residence in his heart. At least for the time being. They sit together, murmuring 'Itadakimasu' before tucking in. It's more quiet and subdued than Nijimura remembers.

"Oh, Nii-san, will you be relieving Okaa-san from the hospital?" 

He smiles at his brother, Tatsuo. "Yes. Do you want me to accompany you to school?"

The twins look at each other before shrugging.

He raises an eyebrow. "How's school for you both?"

"Foreign," they chorus and Nijimura silently agrees.

Takara suddenly stands from her seat. "Look! There’s a letter that came in while you were doing grocery yesterday." The girl presents the grey colored envelope. “What does it say?”

Nijimura sighs. There's too much grey invading his life. He studies the envelope briefly before he opens it. His siblings peers at it with smiles.

There's no letter, just tickets. A plane ticket to Tokyo, scheduled for the next day. Another is a return ticket with no fixed date. All first class. There's even a receipt for a hotel room that also covers food and travel needs. Last, a ticket for this year's Winter High Basketball Final Games. 

****

**Championship:  
Fukuda Sougou Academy vs Rakuran High**

**Seirin High vs Shuutoku High**

He ignores his siblings' exclamations while he studies the gray envelope more thoroughly. It's from Japan, sent by _Anna Kiruna._

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Presbyterian Hospital, New York

THE HOSPITAL is as busy as ever, just like the rest of New York. Nijimura is from Tokyo which is also populated but still, his first step into the most populated foreign city still makes Nijimura cringe.

His father's complexion is still a little pale and he weighs less than a month ago. However, the doctors are optimistic that he will recover and won't need another trip to this hospital. 

His mother who has dark eye circles is beside his sleeping father like always. He offers her a smile which she returns with a smirk and a hair ruffle. He doesn't complain, doesn't even try to fix the ruined hairstyle because it gives him comfort. After almost two years of this situation, all of them are relying on small comfort that they can still manage to share despite the weariness that settled on their bones.

His mother begins to pack her bag and he looks outside. It feels only a moment so he startles when the weight of her hand rests on his shoulder.

"Are you okay, Shuu? I've been trying to talk to you."

He smiles again, guilty that he is now adding to his mom's worry. "I am, mom. I'm fine, just thinking of something. Are you going home now?"

She raises her left eyebrow. "I know you so I won't buy that. What's the problem?"

"Nothing important. You look tired, rest. I'll take care of Dad."

The woman regards him for a moment before speaking. "Is this about the letter yesterday?"

"I didn't know you knew about that."

The woman smiles. "I saw it last night. I have time, tell me."

Nijimura sighs, unable to hide anything from his mother. "It's from Anna Kiruna."

"Haizaki-kun's mom? She took a while to warm up to you. What does she have to say?"

"You knew her?"

"Don't look so shocked, we met briefly in your old Middle School Building. So?"

"She sent me tickets and accommodation for the Championship Game of this year's Winter High. She didn't say anything." 

And still, Nijimura is reluctant to go. _What if his parents will need him? How about his siblings?_

"Go." It's brief and sure. The woman does not have any reservation on the topic which caused her son to stare back blankly.

"But what about—

She reaches for her eldest son's hand, holding it tight as she smiles reassuringly.  
"We can manage, Shou. You've been pushing yourself hard for the past two years, I think this will be good for you. Go back, relax and connect to those you've left behind. Take care of yourself too." 

The door opens and a tall woman came in. "Hello, how are you both?" The beautiful woman asks in accented Japanese.

Anna smiles. "Hello, Joline."

Shuuzou waves.

The woman studies them, a frown on her face. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, Aunt Joline. Just—

His mom interjects quickly before he could finish his lie, "He's going to Japan for a while. He's just worried about us."

"Oh, that's great! Go for it Shouzou, I'll help your mom and siblings while you’re gone and you know I have two men ready to help if needed."

That's all he needs. He squeezes back his mother's hand, grateful and relieved.

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Business Class, Plane Bound to Tokyo, Japan

HIS heartbeat quickens when he sees the familiar shape of his homeland. 

_My own._

It's not just about being back, he also yearns for the person he left behind on that grey afternoon. Whose mother arranged for this visit. He's sure that it happened behind Haizaki's back, the brat would have never approved of this. 

Maybe. The proud rebellious teen he knew might have changed.

Not for the first time, he wonders what could have happened if his father didn't need to get treated in America. Will he be playing in this Championship with Haizaki or will he be playing against the freshman?

He doesn't regret leaving, he gets _sad_ but he never regrets his decision. He hits the jackpot in terms of family, he had always been close to his parents and siblings and he won't betray those bonds especially now that his father is ill.

Yet, he knows he missed so much, as this Championship reflects. He never expected Shougo to win against the others this early, he thought it would take a few years more. He doesn't doubt that the grey-haired teen’s talent can stand at the top, it's just that Shougo is full of anger which brings his own setbacks. Either Shougo changed or the god of anger decided to help him shove people with his ever-growing aura of rage.

 _Possibly._ He smirks, Shougo is surely laughing somewhere. Which is good. It might be shallow and it may even cause some problems in the future but Shougo deserves some happiness after surviving something Shuuzou can never fully understand. 

He winces at how dramatic that sounded.

◦ ❈ ◦

#### Championship Game, Gymnasium

NIJIMURA feels jealous. He wants to punch someone and it is so stupid. He feels jealous of so many people? What the fuck? He’s not even prone to jealousy.

He frowns at Haizaki's team and the other players who seem to know and like Haizaki. When did that brat become sociable? Shougo had always been closed off, he only seems to like few—or one person—before and that's _Shuuzou_. Now, Haizaki is being mushy to these people.

That makes Nijimura feel uncertain of showing himself. _What if he is just a past?_ He quickly shrugs that thought, he isn't and that's not just his arrogance talking.

He settles on his seat as the final quarter begins. He had selected a seat which was crowded and not easily spotted from the court, it just seems like the best idea. And it is, if he sat near the players watching, he might have punched someone by this time. Common sense be damned.

He's no foreign to intense basketball games, he was the Captain of these colorful brats after all, and he watched the games in America but this match is one of his favorites. He watches as Fukuda Sougou celebrates. It took almost 10 minutes before he saw Haizaki slip from the crowd. He notices how Haizaki is walking a mark slowly, his shoulders too relaxed and dropping. With a frown and slight worry, he also stands, trusting his instincts to lead him towards the ace. 

He finds him near the restrooms.

With Kise Ryouta.

So it really happened. Nijimura had known that he wasn't the only one back in middle school and it looks like his competition finally decided to act.

Haizaki is leaning to Kise who tilted his head down, eyes filled with awe and tender affection as he gazes at the sleeping ace. It's a lovely picture.

Kise looks different from the hallow flamboyant boy Nijimura had met, there's more life in his golden eyes even without his usual large smile and constant gestures. Shougo looks like he belongs there, his hair tucked under the golden strands. 

It starts with a single back step, then two before he manages to turn.

For the second time, he leaves. It's not easy, god, it isn't. He wants to scream and rage but he has enough self-control to hold on even when his feet are ready to bolt back and stake his claim. Also, _why would he?_ He will never stay. Not right now. So should he destroy something that Haizaki could have? That's not rational.

The time is not right. If he is right for Haizaki then they will have another time. That's not today.

He pulls out his phone and selects the phone number of the airline. Not even five minutes passed before he is scheduled for the earliest available flight. Twenty hours from now.

◦ ❈ ◦

#### A Day After the Match, New York City

IT'S NOT the right time so why is _he_ here? Waiting for the elevator that Nijimura has been using for years?

Is this some kind of joke? Destiny? A sign? After just a flimsy text of congratulations, did some force decided to just bring _Shougo_ in New York? 

In mere seconds his mind flashes memories of his family and the time he had spent with Shougo during middle school. He thinks of his sick father, once joyous and full of (a little) lame personality; his mother who looks suddenly older than her age because of constant exhaustion and worry; and his siblings. Finally, he thinks of Shougo during the final game. Happy, strong and healthy.

He chooses the same path.

He walks out of the elevator with only a single nod to Shougo who is staring at him with wide eyes. He leaves, running as fast as he could once he is out of the teen’s view.

══════ ∘◦ ❈ ◦∘ ══════

#### 12 Hours Later, New York

HE IS surprised to receive an unknown call from Japan.

"Hello?"

"It's Anna Kiruna. Listen Shuuzou Nijimura-kun, I'm only doing this because maybe, like in fairy tales...Damn it," she sniffs and it sets alarms that made Shuuzou want to end the call and begin running. He's suddenly back in Middle School, after basketball practice where Shougo was tasked with clean up as punishment for being late, again. The teen always cursed and grumbled but finishes the task anyway before dropping into a nap. Then, Nijimura, instead of waking the freshman so that he could lock the gym, will settle near and watch before also taking minutes of rest.

"Kiruna-san?"

"Shougo's heart stopped, SCA, he's in life support."

Heart, again. Like his dad.

Only this time it's Shougo. This time it's not a heart attack but the organ actually stopped doing its damn important work.

Nijimura turns from the condominium building and runs.

This time he runs towards Haizaki Shougo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back home and ughh! I'm so frustrated and angry. This virus is filling me with negatively—I'm so happy to be back but damn it.
> 
> I think I'm going to cry. Really. This is what it feels huh. Hello Broke, Deficit, and Loss.
> 
> Sorry I'm venting errr—complaining? I know others had it worse, it's just...huh!
> 
> I hope you guys are fine. I'll be jealous but not mean spirited, I like it better if your in a better situation than me.
> 
> For those still reading, hi! This chapter is already posted back in January but I took it down when I was sent in the woods for work. I planned to delete this Part 4 that time but I found out that comments will also be deleted so I just posted that notice of discontinued work. 
> 
> I was upset when Crystal's comment was deleted, sorry about that Crystal (hopefully you are still reading this).
> 
> Anyway, I just got back, I'm tired and horrible but the comments I opened just now are really nice:) My place is in lockdown and I don't even have a pass to buy food (got to make that my priority) so I'll try to finish this fanfic within the month. Well, I can't really go out much so.
> 
> Hope you guys are okay:) This chapter should get this sailing, it's been long though so tell me if it's horrid than normal.


	6. Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry!
> 
> 🙇

◦ ❈ ◦

**Hospital, Japan**

"Hey, is it just me or are those first years really avoiding us?" Aomine asks with a frown. He is leaning on the wall with his hands shove in his pocket. The synthetic scent has been irritating since they arrived. He wants to go out and play basketball in a court where there's the normal polluted air to inhale oxygen from.

He's eyebrow twitches when the others look at him incredulously. "What?! They are standing in the furthest corner without saying anything! They even look like they are avoiding looking at us!" he insists, pointing an accusing finger to the Fukuda Sougou freshmen.

Midorima slaps the arm down. "Pointing is rude, nanodayo, and don't be so loud. You don't need to shout it, your the last to realize, stupid."

Aomine rolls his eyes. "Stop being so uptight. What's their problem anyway? They won, right?" He looks at his childhood friend who he can always depend on for any information. "Oi, Satsuki."

"Yes, they won but only yesterday. They were from one of the teams who had always lost against the Generation of Miracles during Middle School," Momoi explains, her brows meeting while her eyes avoided his own—signs that Aomine fucks up something.

He puts a finger on his ear as he flops on the hard chair. He asks tiredly, "Yeah? What did I do now?" He looks up, expecting the others ready to rebuke him but he ends up puzzled when they won't even meet his eyes. It confuses him that he, who is the most oblivious, can feel their own uneasiness. 

_So, it's not just me, huh?_

"They were part of the team who fought the Generation of Miracles during the last game in Middle School." 

He sighs. "Fuck." He scratches his head as unease also fills him. He's a basketball nut and often selfish but even he knows what they did was wrong. Especially after relearning his love of basketball, his actions are easier to reflect on. He had been secretly dreading meeting their previous opponents who might have kept a grudge.

"So they are angry, huh? That's kinda difficult 'cause I can't really blame them." He slouches on his seat, staring at the ceiling lights. "This is going shit."

"Dai-chan... that's insightful," Momoi whispers and it's insulting to hear the honest surprise in her voice.

Aomine glances at his side when the man always following Midorima hums, still looking at his phone. Isn't the dude with another freaky 'eye'? Must be still aware of everything happening even without actively participating. Kinda almost bullshit if Aomine thinks deeper on the ability's semantics. And why are they with Satsuki, anyway? 

"You guys were dicks back then."

Aomine's anger flares, outsiders can stay _out_ of their group's business. "Oi!—" before he can put the raven-haired ass in his place, the chihuahua of Seirin abruptly speaks. It's clear that he's trying to calm the situation clumsily. Aomine snorts, so, despite trembling and stuttering all over, there's a spine in the brunette. On his peripheral view, Aomine sees Akashi looking approvingly at Tetsu's teammate. 

"W-well, I saw it too a-and I think-k it must have been hurtful for-r M-meiko, n-ne?"

Rub it in.

Momoi nods as she discreetly points on the Fukuda members. "The guy on the furthest left was a benchwarmer on that last middle school game. One of them works as a manager for Fukuda now. The two on the right were players then. Right now, they are bench warmers for Fukuda Sougou, they opted to stay out of official games, and they support the team by taking cleaning duty and other errands. Also, they try to stay away from games of any Generation of Miracles."

"That's fuck up." Aomine sneers at nothing. He's never been good at guilt or any of lame stuff that involves emotion. If he's to decide, he wants to just stay away from them too. Just his luck that he somehow owes Haizaki a visit in the hospital until he recovers or well, dies. Which makes awkwardness with Fukuda difficult to tolerate. Sharing a room with people who took great lengths to avoid them while waiting for a possibility of a corpse is not great, especially when Aomine knows that the majority of his former teammates can't ignore the same guilt. Unlike him; he's definitely great at ignoring anything not related to strong opponents in basketball.

Kise is first to fidget which makes Aomine snort. Figures, the yellow model had always been first to lose with emotion. It's true that Tetsu had more fair judgment and empathy but he always manages to hide those unlike the other flamboyant player. Kasamatsu, the former captain who lost against Touo, puts a hand on Kise's shoulders, making the fidgeting subsides. Aomine relaxes too, he's thankful that the older man is there. He can win a fist fight for his former teammates' well-being but he's dumb with anything emotional.

"It wasn't the fact that they lost, it's the words spoken; the respect not given. Try to see it from their perspective. It wasn't just them, many of the players you went against starting on your third year received some blows. There were those who went for rivalry, like Takao here, and some kept a grudge. There were also those who left basketball completely. Also, there were players like the first year's of Fukuda Sogo. They tried to leave basketball but were unable to stay away. They are still recovering, just give them time," the third-year Kaijo says.

The good looking man beside Murasakibara nods in agreement while he's offering the giant an odd-looking candy.

"Haizaki believes that too," Kagami agrees, he looks like a thoughtful monkey and it makes Aomine smirk. "But it still feels wrong to do nothing."

Aomine rolls his eyes. "Shut up, man, you're thinking like a fuckin' sunshine right now."

Ignoring Kagami's loud come back, the brunette chihuahua suggests apologizing.

"How? Just say sorry?" Aomine lets his head rest on the wall behind him. He's sure this won't be easy, surely those former Mieko guys have deep rooted hatred for the Generation of Miracles.

"By playing Basketball, of course!" Kagami corrects.

Man, basketball idiots don't help.

◦ ❈ ◦

It took several minutes before their chance to start on fixing this shitty awkwardness came through a soft ping from one of Fukuda Sogo first-year's phones. The guy apologizes, hastily glancing at the sign asking for silenced phones.

The said first-year gasps when he reads his notification. Aomine grows interested, the first-years are looking at the phone with wary shock.

"His g-ghost?" the owner of the phone asks, his eyes wide.

The other first-years glance at each other. "What did he say?"

"I don't know yet. But why am I receiving a text from him?"

Akashi stands and Aomine winces when he sees his former captain walk towards the other group. Hopefully, Akashi doesn't resort to his scissors when things go shit.

"Excuse me, I'm Akashi Seijuurou of Rakuzan. May I ask what's the matter?"

The red-clad students look at Akashi oddly. Finally, one of the third-years nudges the freshmen into answering.

"Uh, well, yes we know you. Uh—well, I received a text from Haizaki-kun. As odd as that sounds."

"Maybe it's a timed message," Akashi gently suggests, even then, the first-years still flush in embarrassment. 

Aomine only avoids smirking due to his own brief scare. C'mon, a text from someone dying? Fucking spooky.

The first-year taps more on his phone while the other Fukuda members cluster around him. Akashi politely walks back to his own seat.

There is a heated whispering from the other group before the first-years walk hesitantly towards them. Aomine raises an eyebrow which causes them to flinch. With a harsh jab on his side, Aomine grunts and let's go of his expression which may have unintentionally delivered his query negatively. "Fuck Tetsu, that hurts!"

The Fukuda first-year shows them his phone. There's a Happy Birthday Sticker cheerily blinking on the screen. "I just thought you might want to know what he said."

"Happy birthday, I'm Kuroko Tetsuya."

"Thanks, Kuroko-san."

"It's your birthday~suu? Happy birthday!"

The birthday celebrant hesitantly nods to Kise, Aomine doesn't detect malicious intent so maybe the first year didn't do it to intentionally make Kise look stupid. "It's also my senpai's birthday. He stepped out a while ago to tell his family he's here."

Akashi offers a low bow. "Happy birthday to both of you, even with the circumstances, it's an occasion that must be acknowledged."

The students still look stiff and wary but they responded in similar politeness. The quiet after a series of greetings lags before Kise found something on the student's phone. Another notification appeared, this time for a website.

"Oh! From Haizaki Shougo Tumblr?! Are you also a member?!" Kise is positively sparkling.

"Ah, well, I'm managing the account."

"Really?! Please, please share the photos of the last game! Where Shougo's hair was braided. I love it! It's almost as pretty as the cover photo of Shougo-kun's web!"

"You're a fan too?" The first year noticeably softens with the news.

"Yup! 120%!"

"Sure! I can share the photos and all the fan webs are managed by us so we can easily give you a copy of the photos. But if you repost them, we expect credits."

"Of course! I won't just rip online images! My modeling team hates that and they beat in me the importance of crediting original photos!"

Another first-year student from Fukuda agrees on this while another tells an instance when the photo of him making a basketball dunk which was taken with his cousins' efforts was stolen by someone online. "We used a table and all to make it look real then some daft just used it as an icon without permission, it's annoying."

"You have the right to have it taken down," Akashi informs, his tone implying that he'll help if needed.

The first year of Fukuda shakes his head. "It's fine. Everybody on the net nowadays just does it, I don't want to make a fuss about it. Now, I just insert my initials in all my photos. Sometimes it works, sometimes others just cropped it, those people tend to be really unreasonable, no use in fighting them."

"Even though. Oh, actually, you can put your photos in photo stocks to get them licensed, I know some apps allow personal use even while selling them. I do it in some of my photos," the caretaker of Murasakibara suggests, an eye still covered.

"Eh, isn't that too much? It's just a bunch of photos taken with phone cameras. Also, I don't want to sell them? It's not that good, I'll just get embarrassed."

And to Aomine's amazement, time passes with them debating on the best way to make sure the credits of their work online remains intact. When the conversations start to thin out, Takao or the guy with the hidden eye starts on another topic. The third-year Kaijo captain easily engages the other older students of Fukuda, including Midorima, Akashi and Momoi into sharing their thoughts. Surprisingly, the chihuahua somehow makes the freshmans of Fukuda take seats near them.

Even with a topic too far from apologizing, it feels like they are doing good.

◦ ❈ ◦

Anna maps the contour of her son's face on the transparent surface. She is sitting in front of the glass which limits her contact with Shougo, beside her, Asahi is also looking at the unconscious teen. Despite their recent break-up, the man is steadfast in reassuring her. She wants him to stop, it's not helping her.

"Shougo is strong, he won't leave you, Anna."

"But he already did, this is the second time."

She ignores how he stiffened, instead, she retrieves her handkerchief to wipe away the fresh tears from her already burning eyes. "That time, when he finally gave me his agreement to our wedding, despite my instinct telling me something is wrong, I fell asleep. I was so exhausted from my last project, I couldn't help it. Even when I had a nightmare about Shougo, I wasn't able to wake up until early in the morning and when I did, I just knew. He's not already there, I tried waking him but he's just cold and unmoving. I denied it. I chose to prepare breakfast like everything is normal."

"But—Anna, he was alive. I checked him before I left at five in the morning."

"I know! I know, and I'm so relieved when you said that he seems to be sleeping okay. I hurried to check again after you left. I am so thankful that you were right. But I knew what I felt, what I saw. Shougo left me once. And he's leaving me again."

She felt arms on her shoulders, firmly pulling her into a warm embrace. "I promised that morning that I would change, I would be a better mother. I promised I'll see him everyday; kiss and hug him twice a day; call him at least once a day. But everything has been great, I often slipped in my promise. I forgot my lesson. I missed a few calls and messages, I let myself return to my tight business schedule that I missed 24 hugs and kisses. I missed 5 days without seeing my son. Now it happened again. I lost him."

Firm hands grip her shoulders, she stares back into dark brown eyes. 

"Anna, it's not your fault. This is SCA, a sudden interruption of a human's heart. No one knows he has heart problems."

She harshly twists out of the weight pinning her. "Then it must be a punishment because I kept on being a horrible mother! Why must my son keep on dying?!"

He pulls her on his arms again, easily stopping her struggles. 

She goes limp, god, she's so tired. "I don't know what to do. If it's not my fault, then how can I repent to save him? I can't lose him, I don't know if I can survive it. Shiori, help me. Help me." 

When crying makes her words difficult to understand, she screams into the shoulder of the man who had always been a pillar of strength and companionship.

◦ ❈ ◦

Shougo rests his back on some sort of a fluffy white mass. It's like a cloud but it is solid enough to support him. The _Being_ is sitting on the other side, unbothered by the nothingness below their feet. Shougo is still calming down from his shock (and crying) and the _being_ stays with him. The familiar ally has been reassuring.

"If it's not because of me, can I go back now?"

"Of course, are you ready?"

Shougo tries to discreetly wipe his nose and cheeks. "Uh, a minute."

His companion readily accepts, which Shougo is thankful for. It's nice to have someone who somehow knows his mind entirely.

They sit in comfortable silence while Shougo tries to hide the evidence of his breakdown. In a plane of existence where time seems relaxed, he thinks of everything but rarely dwells on something specific.

"Hey…"

"Yes, Haizaki Shougo?"

"Am I doing good? Am I spending my time well?"

"Time spent well is objective. Good is also not a reliable measurement."

Shougo frowns, he tries to look hard at the presence beside him, hoping that the 'Being' will just give him answers. "You know what I mean."

The _Being_ finally answers, "Yes."

He looks away, attempting to hide the surge of happiness from the approval. Which honestly is a stupid and useless effort. 

"Anyway, do you think I have clinical anxiety?"

"You are against the idea."

"Really, of course!" There's no going around it. "I know I'm a little gloomy sometimes but a mental illness sounds exaggerated. And it's scary to admit it, it will mean there's a problem I need to deal with till I die." Honesty comes easy. It's easy to talk and share his fears with someone who already knows. It's like writing in a diary. But a tad cooler.

"You don't need to have it for long."

"I guess, I just need to believe in myself or some shit." He attempts to touch one of the warm lights, it evades his hand. Letting the peaceful lull of nothing, he sighs on his comfortable cocoon made of fluffy not-clouds and untouchable colorful lights. "I'm believing in myself. But of course, I don't take credit on achievements I didn't achieve. That's no brainer and definitely not clinical anxiety."

"You achieved the championship, you deserve it. You lost your first game, and won the second. I knew many paths that game could have ended, saw different futures than you can count from the slightest change of each of the people involved. I saw many futures where you won against your peers even without my intervention. Of course, this path is the earliest but it doesn't make it a fluke."

Shougo takes a few seconds to stop staring and to process the words. His heart seems to be freed from a vice. "Oh."

He feels warmth on his cheeks, a kind caress. 

"I was afraid this was something difficult for Arata Ran. This is by my hand, I am glad I can see it to its end. That man already carries his own burden."

Shougo understands the idea, his doctor will definitely find his guilt regarding winning the Winter Cup difficult to tackle considering he doesn't know about his time travel. "I guess. Hey, what will be the future if you didn't give me more time? You said my parents would not have taken it well, right?"

"That's right."

"Will they eventually get over it? I mean, their partners are great, they can help my parents."

"It won't be enough."

Shougo winces. "That's...err, bad. How about those Miracles?" Knowing how little he impacted them, they should be fine.

"Contrary to what you are thinking, it would have greatly affected them, too. Even apart, you have ties on each six of them. Also, your death would have ruined one of them."

"Kise? I don't know why that bumblebee feels our so-called rivalry deeply, and not even because of anger. He's weird."

"He would be hurt but I don't mean him. It's Aomine Daiki."

Shougo snaps his neck towards the voice. He raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

"It would be due to more events, but he would eventually blame himself and regret that punch."

Shit. Will Daiki (if it weren't for his extra hours) think that punch led to his death? "That's stupid."

"He would think that if you didn't pass out, you would be on time for your school's transit after the game. You won't be outside waiting for a cab. Brains work in different ways."

"I think I don't want to talk of this anymore."

The Being already knows he wants to wander alone. "I can find you anywhere when you are ready to go back."

◦ ❈ ◦

He follows a grey light towards somewhere he doesn't have any idea of. It leads him to someone meticulously selecting some of the lights. He's surprised to see that the lights are solid in the ...Being #2's hands.

"Hello, visitor. How are you?"

He shrugs, still watching how the #2 slowly creates a headpiece out of the gems it deems perfect.

After watching it discard five lights from the pile, Shougo walks away, letting himself wander for longer before he retracted his steps. He finds back the Being almost finished.

"What do you think? It took me almost a year in human's time to finish." The Being #2 lifts it's creation, it's difficult to discern which is which since the Being is also covered in lights.

"I don't know."

"Here, it's for you. I've been hearing so much about you and I want to make you a present."

Shougo feels warmth envelop his head and cascade on his back. "Well, it must be good, then." A gift made for a year, huh? "Unless, it's a prank or hate gift."

"Silly, child. Those don't even make sense. It looks good on you, should we visit the human realm so you can see it?"

"What, no mirrors here?"

There's laughter, its tingling. "You have human eyes meant for human mirrors."

◦ ❈ ◦

"Where are we?" They appear to be in a library. Looking around, Shougo finds a photo of his biological father, and one of him. "What the heck?"

"Language."

He looks incredulous at the Being #2. "It's not even a curse word, heck, it's a lot of improvement!"

"Still, the word gives an impression of a cuss."

Rolling his eyes, Shougo looks at the table closely. "This is Rei Himura's office, right?"

"Yes."

There's sketches and diagrams of some sort of a small tablet. There's also printed algorithms and engineering stuff. "What's this?"

"Your gift, he's been working on it for almost a year now. He's getting frustrated he can't make it work. Give him a note pointing out his mistake on the primary computation, will you?"

Shougo readily writes the corrections on one of the papers. 

The Being laughs. "I meant when you come back officially, but that also works."

Finally turning to the mirror on the wall, Shougo stares with reverence at the crown. It's tall and has strings of otherworldly lights cascading down. "Shit, I don't know how to describe it."

"Then that means it's good. Hmm, do you want to visit other places before we turn back?"

"Mischevious. And bad. Let's do it!"

The other laughs.

They first stop in Kise's room. It's filled with fan gifts like plushies and chocolate. There is a glass case featuring medals and magazines with the model's face. However, Haizaki doesn't know what to think when he spies his picture on the bedside table. Of course, there are more photos in the room but the location of his photo is odd. "This guy's really weird like no one else."

Tetsuya's room looks barren compared to Kise's overflowing room. "Is he even living here?" Everything looks clean and organized. "Is his parents still being shitty? I swear to Nigou's slobber they are stupid."

"Language."

"What? This can't be normal! Do you think Kuroko is also fucked up? His parents have been absent since he's young, accordingly."

"Hmmm,I suggest several visits when you are able."

"That isn't an answer, but whatever. Maybe that Kagami can be good for Kuroko. Hey, this makes me wonder what Akashi's room looks like."

Apparently, aside from the large bookcase and many medals adorning the walls, it's almost the same. Despite the glamour, the room feels detached and without personality.

"Wow, I didn't know rooms can be classified as lonely."

There's no immediate reaction so he looks back to his companion.

"I think we should go back now, Shougo-kun."

"Is it time?"

"If you are ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update after two days:) really. This time I'll be keeping my promise.


	7. Because I Will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for continuing to read this little fic.
> 
> This chapter has a lot of PoV, is it too confusing?
> 
> I admit it's been too long and I don't have the full grasp of the story so tell me if it's not going good.

#### 00:00:00

“Sometimes, I just want to stay here.” 

The _Bieng_ seems to smile and Shougo feels something warm and reassuring leading him forwards, where the path of life lies.

“You’ll always have a place here, Shougo Haizaki. However, we both know your time on Earth is limited. Go, live on it and when you are ready for your permanent stay here, I will personally come for you. Then, I will show you this whole space. By then, time will not bound you.”

Haizaki feels his lips tremble with the familiar burn in his eyes. He dares to hug what he can’t see and is relieved when arms catch him from falling to who-knows-where with this odd place. 

It’s really comforting. It feels like…

“Do I need to go now?”

“You don’t need to rush.”

“What’s happening to my body?”

“They are contemplating opening your chest to check it physically and maybe do a transplant.”

Shougo scrambles out of the hug towards the path he must take. “What?! Take me back! I need to go back!”

A cool calming touch caresses his cheek. “Fear not, you will be on time. Before you go, let me ask you to pass two messages. The first is for Arata Ran…”

**Earth, Japan**   
**00:00:01**

It’s been a couple of hours since her son’s Cardiac Arrest, the doctors had been pooling ideas and the most popular by far is a surgical transplant. Anna and Yuriha have been contemplating and weighing the dangers against their other options (which is almost non-existent). For now, they are riding on hope and faith. 

They can’t do much.

She also receives a message from the boy her son is fond of. Accordingly, the boy is already in the airport, waiting for the earliest available flight after taking care of some family matters. She doesn’t honestly care, the boy had already disappointed her days ago and with the bleak situation, she can’t find it in her to care for anyone else.

“Oh god, oh god,” it's only whispers and Anna thinks that Himura Rie is just praying but then he starts screaming while pointing at the glass divider.

She follows the direction of the finger and she also screams when the heart monitor starts to jump. 

Soon, doctors enter the room and begin their tests. They also manage to block her view of Shougo but the stable sound of the heartbeat monitor assures her. Someone hugs her, she can also hear her ex-husband crying along with Rie but all she wants is to be able to touch her son. She struggles out of the hug and tries to run towards the door.

Of course it's locked. The same set of arms holds her still. 

“Anna, let the doctors finish what they need to do first. It’s for Shougo’s good. Let’s wait more.”

She nods but it takes a few seconds for her to grasp the idea. Her body feels a little weakened after the worry sets in again along with hope. She lets her body lean back to Shiori. 

“That’s it, just calm down for me.”

She nods again, eyes firmly watching a doctor check her son’s eye’s dilation with a flashlight while another presses his finger to Shougo’s pulse. She lets her shaking hands squeeze Shiori’s arm.

“You saw it too, right? There’s a heartbeat?” she asks.

“Yes and it’s still there.”

With the man’s assurance, she finally sighs in relief. “Good. Good.”

Finally, Doctor Midorima steps out of the room. The wide smile on the doctor’s face is more than enough answer.

“…Haizaki-kun has a stable heartbeat. We need to take more tests and as of now, we cannot tell any damage he might have due to 1 hour and 55 minutes of non-beating heart and to what extent. Further observations and tests will be needed specially when he wakes up in order to find out. The good news, his heart seems to be working properly and so are his lungs. We are currently monitoring his organs and his brain activity.”

“Can we personally check on him?” Yuriha eagerly asks.

“Please allow us 30 more minutes to complete our tests. For now, you are allowed to watch and I’ll answer further questions later.”

Anna tries to stand properly, clearing her throat to be able to ask audibly, “When will my son wake up?” 

“We don’t know yet,” the doctor answers. “We will try to give you an estimation later.”

They all feel unsatisfied but allow the doctor to return to his duties. 

“Will you be okay here?” Shiori whispers to her.

“Why?”

“I’ll inform Shougo’s friends about the news.”

She grabs his arm tighter before she remembers the teens her son cared about sitting in the cold waiting room. They are just as worried as her. “O-okay. Come back as soon as you can?”

Shiori smiles. “Of course.”

She watches his back disappear in the hallway. She had broken-up with him. _I’m so stupid. Do I even deserve him?_

Not even 10 minutes passes and Shiori has her back on his arms. 

“I told the children, I also encouraged them to go home but offered one last visit here to calm their worries.”

She agrees and all four of them move back to let the teenagers watch and confirm that their friend is breathing. 

**00:30:36**

Usami and the other members of Fukuda Basketball Club are waiting outside of the hospital for their coach who is still talking with Haizaki’s family. Beside their group are the Generation of Miracles and their companions.

Usami doesn’t really feel anything particular for the prodigious group like his kouhai(s) but it’s still nice that the ominous feeling is gone. The freshmen are interacting politely to the others. They even exchanged numbers.

After an hour, he finally enters his home. It would have been nice to stay in the hospital in case there’s change in Haizaki’s condition but he understands the adult’s reasoning. Additionally, he’s tired. Not just from a day of work but also the emotional roller-coaster of the last two hours.

_Haizaki, you dumb ass, you better be not spiraling. You’ve taken enough years out of my life._

He sighs. “Tadaima,” he whispers, aware that it's almost 9. His siblings’ are surely still awake but his father usually rests early after a day of hard work in the nearby construction site.

The same man sitting in the dining room while looking at him.

“Hi. Why are you still awake, Otou-san?”

His father stands and pulls a covered plate in the microwave along with a bowl of soup. “You’re still out.”

Usami smiles gratefully as he regards the meal. “Thanks for saving me some meat and for waiting.”

His father just grunts. 

“My friend is getting better,” he thinks more of what he should say. “Coach made sure we came back home safe.”

His father is still staring at him.

Usami fiddles with his chopsticks. “I’m sorry, I’m late.”

The man just nods. 

Finally, Usami understands, he grins. “I’m okay, Otou-san. It was scary, I thought he'd really die but now, I'm relieved and happy.”

His father pushes a cup of tea towards him. “Eat and rest.”

With a pat on his head that made him cave, his father finally left him to finish eating. He lets a stuttering breath, with Haizaki still unresponsive, he’s glad to have another steadfast presence.

#### 10:30:56

Akashi Siejuurou pulls his curtains apart to let the morning light through. He picks his phone and immediately opens the chat created by Kise the night before.

**GOM+SLEEPING SHOUGO-KUN**

**Akashi:** Good morning. According to Haizaki-kun’s step-brother, there’s no change in Haizaki-kun’s condition. We can visit him at 9:00 until noon.

He feels silly texting them when they are all in the same house but he knows it’s the most effective way to communicate this early in the morning. They are all in Asahi Shiori’s house after the businessman offered last night. Considering the late hour and the distance from their homes, Asahi thought that they should just stay specially that they want to visit Haizaki early in the morning.

After he’s presentable, he walks down to the dining room. Since Shiori-san and his father are good friends, he had visited a couple of times, making the house’s layout familiar.

He finds Yuri Asahi already in front of the table. There are also foods already prepared.

“Good morning, Yuri-san.”

“Good morning, Seijuurou-kun, how did you sleep?”

“I slept fine, thank you for asking and for letting us stay here.”

“No problem. Your father also called, it's probably best if you call him back later. He sounded worried.”

Akashi nods and a smile touches his lips against his restraints. Since the Championship, his father has been more lenient and more prone to idle conversations unrelated to business or school. 

“I will be going to the hospital ahead of you guys, as non-family, please follow the hospital guidelines.”

“There would be no problem, we understand.”

“That’s good. I’ll message you if there’s an update.”

“Thank you, Yuri-san.”

»» • ««

_[Calling Father…]_

"Father, Yuri-san said you called?"

_"Seijuurou, good morning. Yes, I thought you might still be resting so I called Shiori's house phone. Yuri-kun answered."_

Akashi is confused with his father's unfamiliar behavior. His father values immediate results more than whatever he might be doing, sleep included. And his father has never been one for mundane greetings.

_"Thank you, for informing me about Haizaki-kun's condition. I've just read your message a couple of hours ago. Considering the situation, it's understandable Shiori hasn't informed me yet."_

"Yes," Akashi agrees. He was not even confident that his father would care when he sent the text before he slept. Apparently, Shougo has been someone worthy of his father's attention. He feels slightly jealous of the worry he can detect in his father's voice. "There's no change in his condition, Haizaki-kun is out of immediate danger."

_"Good, I still need his insight."_

That speaks volumes of Shougo's knowledge if his father finds his thoughts needed. Akashi relaxes his fist instead of clenching it to the point of drawing blood. "May I ask what these insights are about?"

There's silence before he hears a soft sigh.

_"I've never had an experience with childhood like the majority of my peers. When I became a father, I never bothered to learn what it should be. When your mother died, I'm at loss and simply brought you up by my caretaker's examples, something that Haizaki-kun insisted was wrong. He called me names, and explained that I'm not fit as a parent."_

Akashi's long honed control is not enough to stop a sound of indignation. 

_"He once told me how I could even kill you. Your message really worried me, it reminds me of your supposedly possible death."_

Akashi paces the Asahi Residence's garden as he thinks. Based on the facts he had of Haizaki and his father's words, Shougo was most likely defending his well-being when he said that. With the teen's personality, it's not surprising that the words spoken were crude and blunt, however, it's supposed to not be within Haizaki's character to dabble with their life. Akashi is honestly falling too short from reading Haizaki. His changes don't make sense and it's happening too fast with no clear root and goal.

_"Your friend also told me I should apologize for 'fukin' with you', his words."_

He freezes with this information, he waits for his father's next words with an increased heart rate. There's no way—

_"I'm sorry, Seijuurou. Haizaki-kun seem to be right, even the lawyers and psychologists I've talked to told me I have wronged you."_

His father apologized. To him. 

He weakly sits on the stone path, unable to walk the short distance of the bench. He covers the phone's speaker as he lets his hard breathing regulate. 

_"Haizaki-kun had been helping me since our first conversation during your basketball game."_

"What have you talked about? What we're his insights which you thought helped you, father?"

_"He made me realize I was wrong in asking you to always be perfect, even if you are capable of it. Or at least, almost. He also told me how pressure and stress affected you mentally. He made me realize I am abusing you."_

Akashi chuckles on the joke. "That's an absurd exaggeration."

_"Is it? All evidence proves him right. I was abusing you, but I'm trying to stop. Did Mr. Kabuki retrieve the business proposals I've told you to work on? How about the ten extra hours of tutoring? I've asked the institution to immediately cease them."_

"Father you are not making sense! I said it must be an exaggeration. I excelled in my work and tutoring, why must you stop them? I can take it!"

_"Oh...I've messed up, I should have only breached this topic personally and with someone capable ready to help."_

"What?" Akshi asks, a bitter and confused laughter bubbling in his throat. His thoughts are in shambles, he can't understand. His frustration makes him emotional. He sniffles. "Father, you are not making sense. I-I can't, I don't think I can understand this."

_"It's fine, young one, I'll be home this afternoon, I'll explain. It's alright to be confused, okay?"_

"I see...okay."

_"Let's continue this conversation later, when I'm physically there. For now, can you tell me the elements listed in the periodic table?"_

"Of course. Would you like me to tell you the placements?"

_"That would be great."_

His father listened patiently before telling him about the view outside the plane. When they end the call, Akashi is able to set aside their prior conversation.

»» • ««

It takes another hour before his friends reply in their chat.

 **Kise:** Ok

 **Aomine:** Sup so erly

 **Midorima:** Understood, Akashi. Aomine, your spelling is atrocious.

 **Aomine:** Shut up its early oakay!

 **Murasakibara:** k. are there snacks?

 **Akashi:** Please come to the dining table. There are cakes, Murasakibara-kun.

 **Momoi:** I’m coming down now!

 **Aomine:** Satsuki wtf don’t say dat

 **Momoi:** You’re disgusting, Dai-chan!

 **Kuroko:** Momoi-san is correct, Aomine-kun.

 **Murasakibara:** ew

 **Aomine:** Wtf, oi

 **Kise:** Aominecchi! We don’t need hints on what you are doing!

 **Aomine:** like yor not doin it 2

 **Kise:** Definitely not!

 **Aomine:** lame

 **Midorima:** That’s disgusting. It serves you right that your sign is in last place, bring a golden key to counter it.

 **Momoi:** Let him be unfortunate.

 **Midorima:** I’d rather we don’t test fate considering the current situation.

 **Murasakibara:** expensive

 **Kise:** Maybe Akashicchi can lend him like Midorimacchi in middle school

 **Aomine:** whats with tis luck items, im comin down

 **Kise:** Aominecchii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Momoi:** Aho!

 **Murasakibara:** Eugh

 **Midorima:** You imbecile!

 **Koroko:** That’s really not appreciated, Aomine-kun.

Akashi relaxes, at least something is fixed in their friendship due to the circumstances.

Finally, after 10 more minutes, all of them are in the dining room.

“What should we bring, Akashicchi? Fruits? Flowers?”

Midorima scoffs. “He’s still in intensive care, bringing anything inside his room isn’t advised.”

“He’s still unconscious, Kise-kun,” Akashi begins to explain. “We can plan gifts after he wakes up or when we have permission from the doctor and Haizaki-kun's parents.”

Kise pouts and it's actually relieving to glimpse his usual personality. The other Miracles had been worried with his behavior last night.

“Kagami-kun will meet us there,” Kuroko suddenly informs them, which causes a increased degree of surprise from the other occupants of the room.

Akash smiles. “Your low presence is still surprising.”

“Kuroko! Don’t disappear like that, nanodayo!”

“What the hell Tetsu!”

“Mou~Kurokocchii is using his powers for evil again sou~”

“I am here the whole time. You just forgot about me.”

»» • ««

Nijimura feels oddly warm when he arrives in Tokyo. Even with the winter winds, he strips to his shirt as he runs towards the nearest train station. The 30 minutes spent inside the train feels as long as his 10-hour plane ride. So, when the doors finally part, he leaps on the platform and runs towards the hospital direction, occasionally stopping to stare at the differences of the place from 3 years ago.

As he pushes the hospital door, the guard politely informs him that visiting hours is still in two hours. He squeezes his eyes, of course he is familiar with the rule. However, he had been strung with worry for almost a day now, he’s not forgiving of the idea of waiting further. Pulling his phone, he clenches his teeth before exhaling harshly.

_[Calling Anna Kiruna…]_

“Yes?” the woman’s voice sounds exhausted and rough, likely just roused from sleep. Nijimura had heard the tone from his own mother more than he could count.

“I’m sorry for waking you up, Kiruna-san, it’s Nijimura Shuuzou, I just arrived, may I visit Shougo now?” If vouched by the woman, Shuuzou has no doubts that he’d be allowed inside.

“Wait at the entrance.”

He soon hears the disconnection tone, leaving him waiting at the entrance with a hunch that the woman is angrier than he expected.

The woman who strides in the entrance is still as elegant and imposing as the woman who stared down at him in his third-year in Tieko. She stands beside him.

“Nijimura-kun, I’ve disliked you the first time I saw you. Because you are like me, you have your own priorities and my son will always be second. I’ve learned my lesson now, and I’d rather you won’t approach my son like you had before. I won’t let you hurt him for the third time.”

Shuuzou meets the gray eyes, more hardened than another set he knows with familiarity. “I will not hurt him knowingly again. I can’t promise that I will put his welfare above my family but I will never put it below theirs.”

Anna searches him for lies, measuring his words' worth. She must have found him adequate since she hands him a pass. He watches her walk to the parking lot before he scrambles inside the hospital.

A nurse leads him to a room, he is not allowed to enter but he’s allowed to watch from the glass divider. He had watched his father’s body weaken and degrade. However, he still feels choked on the sheer difference of the teen lying in the hospital room from the basketball player he witnessed win the Winter Cup.

It’s like watching lights eventually lose their brightness. Unlike the sky during storms ravaging the Earth, Shougo has always been the sky after the storms, grey but has a promise of brightness behind it. Unconscious, that stubborn light is gone; he just seems muted.

He clenches his hand, letting his arm press hard on the glass, he has enough self-control against screaming and yelling on the unfairness of it but he’s totally angry and terrified. Must he watch another person important to him under another heart sickness? He had been strong once, being strong again is almost impossible.

“Nijimura-senpai?”

The familiar voice of his former vice-captain snaps him from his suffocating emotions. He clears his throat and discretely dries his eyes before he turns to his kouhai. All his basketball kouhai(s).

“You. And others, plus one.” He raises an eyebrow to another redhead. It’s the other prodigious player which no doubt could have been a miracle. “Kagami, right?”

The tall red-head nods, his own brows creasing. Around them, the other Generation of Miracles are grumbling. Kise in particular is whining.

“Mou! Senpai! Don’t we deserve to be called by our names too?”

“No. You messed up.”

The five students immediately grew sheepish. After looking around for several times, he finally spotted Kuroko beside Kagami. With a vein popping, he grabs the alarmed soft blue-head.

“Why are you difficult to find, huh?!”

“Ow—I’m sorry, senpai. I’ve got a low presence.”

The others look on with a wince and sympathetic grimace but stay clear of the attack zone.

After thoroughly mussing his kouhai’s hair, Nijimura sighs and pulls him from the floor. He grins on Kuroko’s rebelling hair before pulling him on a hug which makes the shorter teen barely touch the floor. “You are so light, are you eating properly or are you just living off vanilla milkshakes?”

“Ow, senpai.”

“I told you to leave Akashi’s teachings outside the court. Monotone on normal conversations is not legal.”

“Yes, senpai. I’m sorry, senpai.”

Giving one last squeeze to the oddly-vanilla scented teen, Nijimura finally let’s go. “Thanks for putting these idiots in their places, Kuroko.” He points at the other former-Tieko members who at least have the decency to look ashamed. 

Kuroko’s eyes shine, mirroring the happiness of his rare smiles. “Haizaki-kun did the majority of the work, senpai.”

Annoyed with the lie, Nijimura flicks the doe-eyed freshman. “Don’t make me stupid, kouhai, own your efforts. Also, sleeping people doesn’t count.”

He’s still crouching and rubbing the sting of the flick but Kuroko still laughs, it’s as melodic as the one time they had the chance of hearing it. “If you say so, senpai.”

Pinning a sadistic smile on his lips, he turns next to the remaining idiots he once took care of. “And as for you…”

Aomine and Kise shriek and step back. “We're sorry!”

Nijimura’s hand shots to grab Akashi and Midorima. “Akashi, didn’t I tell you to trust your teammates more? What did I tell you, huh?”

“T-that they are my friends more than my teammates, senpai.”

“And you didn’t believe it, did you?!”

“I’m sorry, senpai. I seem to be ignorant of what Friendship means before the Winter High.”

“You should have asked, stupid kouhai,” he growls even as he hugs the red-head. “Stop hurting yourself.”

“H-hai.”

Shuuzou feels the trembling and lets Akashi have a moment. He turned to the ashen Midorima next. “And you, I told you to relax more, right?”

“Yes? I mean, yes, nanodayo.”

“How many friends do you have now aside from these headaches?”

“I...I have Takao, now. He’s obnoxious but he doesn’t mind Oha-asa.”

“Only one? I told you to have ten. So you owe me nine more. Does he know he’s your friend?”

The green miracle seems lost. Shuuzou slaps him on the head, softer than he’s capable. “Idiot! You better tell him later and treat the poor guy lunch for your stupidity!” He clicks his tongue before giving the green-hair a pat.

Releasing the two, he nods to Momoi. “I told you to not spoil this Aho.”

The girl smiles sadly. “I got afraid, I thought he’ll lash out more.”

“And, now?”

“I can see your point now, senpai. He can be really stupid.”

After giving her a weak flick on the forehead, he hugs the girl, reminded of her younger version who looked miserable. “Look out for yourself too. He’s an Ahomine, he can’t do it for you since he can’t even see the signs that you are hurting.”

Aomine bristles at this. “Oi—ah, maybe.” He scratches his head; he quickly steals a glance at his childhood friend. “Sorry.”

“What’s that kouhai?” He leaps and puts the ace in a headlock. “Say that louder and learn from it, aho! You are not valuing the people around you, you brat.”

“Ow! Ow, my neck, ow! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll be better, promise, promise.”

He lets the brat fall on the ground like a sack of potatoes. “You better be, or I’ll break your nose.”

Kise raises his hands, already wailing his apology and promises of getting better. Nijimura smirks and also flicks him hard on the head. The model doubles in pain. _That’s also for making a move on Shougo._

“You sure are a handful.”

Kagami is looking at him with awe. It fills Shuuzou with pride. Seems like the new teen knows respect. 

He hears footsteps behind him so he turns. “Midorima-sensei, good morning.” 

“Shuuzou-kun, it’s nice to see you again. Do I have more patients?” The doctor glances at the pained first-years.

“Nah, they are fine.” He grins broader when he feels the dirty looks directed at him. “How is Haizaki-kun?”

“To our relief, his organs are functioning well. We can’t make assurances regarding his mental health, but his body is recovering well. We are monitoring him closely for any complications and so far, we encountered none. Normally, patients who experienced a Cardiac Arrest need time to recover so we put them in a coma or drug-induced sleep but your friend is different. He can wake anytime, however, we can’t give a specific time frame.”

Shuuzou breathes loudly, his relief palpable. The sound is lost among the others’ own noise.

_Huh, you got more friends, Shougo?_

They stay until the end of the visiting hours, for their late lunch, they decide to have mercy on Kagami and Aomine. “Let’s find a nearby restaurant.”

There’s a steak shop, unfortunately they are kicked-out as soon as the owner sees Kagami.

“What the hell?” Shuuzou looks at them, unbelieving. “What did you do?”

The others are quick to deny, promising their innocence.

“It’s Kagami-kun’s large appetite, senpai.”

Nijimura slaps a hand on his forehead, counting quickly to ease the barreling anger. “Whatever, let’s eat in the family restaurant ahead. Pray that we don’t get kicked-out again, I haven’t eaten anything decent for the last 24 hours.”

Kagami shrugs. “Well, it should be okay. There’s no eat-all-you-can promo there.”

He eyes the teen incredulously. “No comment. Let’s just go. Ugh, maybe it’s a holy intervention I was sent away from you brats.”

“That’s not true, sou~”

“Niji-chin is lying.”

“Lies.”

“There’s nothing on your signs approving that hypothesis, nanodayo.”

“I also don’t believe so, senpai.”

“You’re just chicken.”

“What did you say, you ahomine brat?!”

»» • ««

Waking up from his third death is as painless as the previous experience. Only this time, even before he can open his eyes, he’s coughing violently like there’s an insect in his throat.

Firm weight pins him back on the bed. He tries to swallow to get rid of the dryness as he curls on himself.

“—H! That’s it, let it pass. You are in the hospital, you are safe.”

When he can move without cough assaulting his body, he tries to catch his breath. It comes ragged and fast. Due to squirming and tossing, he feels warm and there’s tears on his eyes. 

“Breath with me, Haizaki-kun.” 

He can feel someone pressing his slightly trembling palm on their chest which is rising and falling rhythmically, he unconsciously willed his own to follow.

“That’s great, you are doing great.”

With his breathing okay, he notices how scratchy and sore his throat is. What did he do when he died? Swallow dusts?

Something cold touches his lips.

“It’s ice,” someone informs him. 

It melts fast and soothes his throat. But definitely not enough. “W-hhher,” the attempted speech sends him into another brief coughing fit.

The person lets him swallow more of the small pieces of frozen water. He finally starts to recognize his surroundings.

He’s in the hospital, the smell alone gives it away. There are three medical people with him in the sterilized room. Looking further, he sees his parents watching from the outside.

“Haizaki-kun?”

He looks back at the doctor.

“I need to check your eyes and throat, is that okay?”

He nods distractedly as he tries to look at his parents again. His father waves, he waves back weakly, his arms barely lifted.

The doctor smiles at him. “Recognized them?”

He nods again and lets the doctor begin prodding him. This is definitely not as great as waking up without anyone knowing about his travels to the outside realm.

After giving him something to sooth his throat, the doctor asks him to do menial and stupid task like touching his nose. He also asks him to answer questions, with his throat sore, they settled with nodding and whispering. It’s a little embarrassing to confirm that yes, he’s not aware of the minister’s full name. Regardless, the doctor is happy with only the last name. The session ended with more ice and a nurse stealing some of his blood.

“I’ll let your family in a moment, okay? Get a rest while I talk to them briefly,” the doctor says while fiddling with a bag above Shougo. The teen winces when he realizes it is connected to his arm. 

_Shite, so that’s what is making his arm sore._

When the doctor left, he began to tire. They are taking their time; he decides to rest his eyes for now.

»» • ««

He hears sniffling. The room smells of antiseptics and bleach. His hands feel warm but his arm definitely feels sore. He should wake up.

“Shou-chan?”

He blinks to clear his vision, when his eyes focusses, he sees his dad Rie. His throat still feels wrong but luckily, Rie immediately brings a bottle of water with a straw.

Throat finally cooperative, he lets his father take away the bottle. In his right, his father Yuriha is asleep with his right hand clasped in the man’s larger hands.

“D-dad?”

Rie sits near him. “Yes?”

“What happ’nd?”

“You had a Cardiac Arrest. But you are fine now.” Rie clasps his other hand, pressing a light kiss on the skin.

Shougo nods, he’s fine now. “Hhow lon’ was I ‘sleep?”

“This is the third day. You woke up last night. How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”

“I’m ok, just this,” he says more slowly than normal, he gestures to the needle in his arm.

“I’ll get the doctor for you.”

Haizaki squeezes the hands on his before he relaxes his grip. Rie wakes his fiancée before leaving. Yuriha’s emotions are more haywire than Rie, he immediately cries and hugs Shougo while talking inaudibly fast. The teen just hugs back, at loss of what he can say. He can't possibly admit he wasn't really 'dying' without blaring some psychiatrist's alarm. He's definitely striking that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was outlining the next chapter, it's filled with conversations and I know some doesn't like that so I'll try working on my paragraphs. Please bear longer days, I'll probably need 4-5 days before the next chapter.
> 
> We are almost there. It's going to be trying loose strings and convo. If you want something specific, as long as it fits in the story, I'll try to include it.
> 
> As always, corrections are welcome and if anyone wants to edit, I do need you:)
> 
> *i might add chapters  
> *im playing on an idea of another fic..errr


	8. But Shuuzou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm terrible proofreader. Also, despite my efforts it's still full of convo. 🙏

#### 16:50:03

"Let's play basketball!"

Nijimura winces, he has not gotten any decent sleep and he just ate his first decent meal. The idea of exerting more effort than sitting is revolting. Where are these kids getting their energy? 

The others immediately agree with Kise's suggestions. Speaking of the blonde, he has been forcing his cheerfulness. Nijimura doesn't doubt that the others also noticed, it's noticeable after all. No one of them points it out since it doesn't seem destructive, it's just Kise's own way of calming. For some, they might be somber in times of worry but Kise chose the opposite. In his own way, the yellow miracle is trying to look after his friends every time.

"A game would be good for us," Akashi agrees, smiling kindly at Kise.

Kise raises a fist. "Yey! Let's go, there's a street court near us, the online map says so."

Akashi looks at Nijimura knowingly. "Nijimura-senpai, you must be tired. Shall we meet you later?"

Nijimura thinks of his empty hotel room. The silence would only encourage his mind to _think_.

"I will go with you, I haven't watched any of you play for years." 

The first-year captain easily understands his motive. "Of course, senpai."

They walk the short distance with Kise and Aomine's aggressive chatter. Before they can come near, the sound of a ball hitting the court and voices giving orders made them aware the court is already occupied.

Kiss pouts and whines, "Ehhhh? So unfair!"

"Maybe they want a match," Akashi easily suggests, his eyes intent on the players inside the surrounded space. "I believe we know them."

"That's Takao!"

A sudden voice startles them. "I see, Midorima-kun is very familiar with Takao-san's build."

Nijimura laughs at the monotonous voice, Kuroko surely did not lose his passive-aggressive humor. The kid is funny.

"Shut up Kuroko and stop suddenly appearing like that!"

"You are blushing, Midorima-kun."

Ironically, Midorima is saved by the kid Takao. His eyes are like steel blue and maybe a little wider than normal but Nijimura can't really see anything special which may explain his so-called Hawk-eye. To be fair, Kuroko doesn't too, aside from being so alike a puppy's. As for Akashi, it's enough that it becomes heterochromia iridium on occasion. It's mysterious enough, especially since it's now both red.

"Shin-chan! Here, here!"

"He's like Kise," the returnee looks at the bubbly first year. "Oi, Kise, are you two friends?"

"We got along fine, Nijimuracchi!"

 _But not friends._ It's sad that Nijimura is not surprised. Kise has always been picky when it comes to friends. Which is not really bad, it just goes against his supposed personality which must be a façade.

There are more kids inside the fenced basketball court, according to Takao's introduction, there's one Kouki, barely familiar Kasamatsu, fairly familiar Kagami who did very well against Midorima during the finals and a very familiar Tatsuya.

"Shuu! You're here, a visit?" Tatsuya briefly hugs the teen he left in LA more than a year ago.

"Well, you can say that. I knew you'd still play here but it's surprising to see you with these brats."

Kise grins wolfishly. "Nijimuracchii! You know Himuro-kun?!"

"Yes," he answers suspiciously. 

"Know, know him? Aw, that's so great! You two make a great couple!"

Nijimura grins back, his teeth bared and eyes threatening. He knows what the brat is trying to do. 

Kuroko wisely walks away towards Kagami. "Very subtle, Kise-kun. I pray for your life."

"Uh, haha," Tatsuya laughs awkwardly, looking between the two with nervous curiosity.

Surprisingly, Nijimura lost the chance to smack the underhanded kid due to another miracle's unlikely interference. Murasakibara shoves Kise.

"Kise-chin, don't pair Muro-chin with anyone. He only gives me candies." 

The tall miracle can pack a respectable glare which Shuuzou approves of. He eases his stance and gives a nod to the violet miracle. "That's an odd way to phrase it, but alright."

Murasakibara nods back at him as he pulls Tatsuya near.

"Ouch." Kise rubs his bottom when he finally gets up from the ground. "Murasakibaracchii, can't you see my poor plight here! Just lend Himura-kun a little for my happy ending!"

"No." The first year continues to munch chips given by his teammate. "Mine only."

The reactions are hilarious even Nijimura has to hide a smile behind his fingers.

Takao and Aomine literally roll on the pavement with laughter, Akashi and Midorima look mildly surprised and disturbed, Kasamatsu just looks disturbed, Furihata looks bright red beside a deadpanned Kuroko. Kise, the instigator, looks both outraged and disappointed.

"Mou! Cruel! Just cruel!"

Nijimura lightly slaps the blond on the head. "Just accept it already, you lost."

"No!"

Kagami tilts his head, confused. "What's happening?"

Whoah, an idiot. Or maybe very innocent. Nijimura shrugs. "Don't mind it, Kagami, right? I heard you knocked Aomine a few steps, good job."

Kagami grins, smug amidst Aomine's annoyed barks.

"It's because he stole Tetsu!"

The tiger raises a fist, indignant. "Huh?! Like he's yours?!"

Aomine points accusingly, a sneer painting his face. "We were partners! Bakagami!"

"You've let him go!"

"That doesn't mean you can take him!"

"I didn't! He chose me! Ahomine!"

"Bakagami! He chose me first!"

Nijimura rubs his ringing ears, disgruntled. "They are very annoying, Kuroko."

Said boy is simply watching, sipping a take-out cup of vanilla milkshake serenely.

Nijimura simply rolls his eyes, discreetly going through calming breathing exercises. He was used to these types of fiasco during middle school, in a way, it's the perfect welcome home greeting. It's also nice to need relaxing techniques due to absurd teenagers and not from worry.

The brunette Seirin kid is looking at him with an understanding smile which Nijimura returns with a nod. The kid must have seen a similar scene more than once, a pitiful soul.

A dark mass invaded his vision. "So, you are Nijimura-senpai? Shin-chan likes you! A true miracle among us mere mortals!" The kid proceeds to bow to him repeatedly, hands outstretched.

"Huh," Shuuzou finally understands. Somehow, the miracles found another loosely-screwed set of people.

»» • ««

After more bizarre interactions, Tatsuya finally explains the presence of the other guys. Yesterday, they agreed to visit Haizaki this afternoon along with the Fukuda Sogo members.

"Since tomorrow is Monday, we might not be able to come during the weekdays so it's better to do it today."

It does sound like the most reasonable idea.

"Kasamatsu-san also played guitar in an establishment near here, we watched it earlier!" Takao adds.

Kasamatsu shrugs. "The singers are my old friends, they asked me."

"It's a really good performance," Kouki says, instantly flushing when they turn to him.

Shuuzou is growing worried for the boy, that repeated rush of blood couldn't be healthy. "That sounds good. Have you already visited the hospital?"

"Yes, we only stayed barely an hour though, more people came, we can't crowd the viewing space."

Akashi seems to perk on this, he asks politely, "May I know who they are, if you knew them, of course."

Kasamatsu glances at Akashi oddly but answers again, "A few older teenagers, around my age and some even older. Students I'm familiar with, Imayoshi, Hanamiya, and two of Hanamiya's current teammates."

Aomine finally bothers to stop his long ongoing screaming contest with Kagami. "That horrible captain is there?"

"Yes," Kasamatsu answers steely, already familiar with whines of unruly first-years. 

Shuuzou eagerly waits, unfortunately, he isn't treated with the amusement of seeing his former teammate disciplined because Aomine chooses to return with his match with Kagami. "Kasamatsu-san," the third year nods at him in confirmation, his eyes showing some familiarity to Shuuzou. "The older teenagers, do one of them have a large scar on his face?"

"Yes. They all look rough, gangsters maybe or just a group with a liking of that specific fashion."

So, Nijimura's suspicion is true. The guys are the same group of Nijimura's old gang during his first-year Middle School. The same group who somehow adopted Haizaki into their group even with Nijimura's prior change of ways in his second year. He still remained on good terms with the gangs even when he decided to focus on school and home so in instances he needed to drag Haizaki to school, the members of his gang noticed. They even approached Haizaki out of curiosity. Frustratingly, they got along well which only made Haizaki cocky. With Nijimura's insistence, the gang didn't officially make Haizaki a member but the relationship is solid. And stayed that way, apparently.

"Nijimura-san, I believe you know them?"

"Yes," he leaves it at the curt answer, unwilling to unravel more.

The red captain doesn't expect otherwise. He turns to the players and suggests a game. They decide the groupings with a simple game of palm positions. All who have their palms down are the yellow team; Kagami, Kuroko, Furihata, Kise, and Murasakibara. For the other team, it consists of Aomine, Himuro, Kasamatsu, Midorima, and Takao. Akashi decides to sit out and volunteers to tally scores.

As the players start, Akashi and Nijimura are sitting on the nearby bench.

"I'm really glad to see you again, senpai. They also feel the same."

 _At least something is certain._ "I am, too. So, losing isn't life-ending, right?"

Akashi smiles, remembering their conversation almost three years ago. "It feels awful, but yes, you were correct, it's unavoidable and not something to be scared of."

Nijimura snorts, nudging the younger teen not very gently. "People naturally find defeat scary but your version is ten times than the others."

The teen chuckles, it still sounds refined but there's an honest amusement in it. "Yes, I refused to believe you then, but now I can begin to understand. Also, it's confusing but also amazing how my defeat seems to make things easier."

"Yes?"

"I can breathe easier, more relaxed with myself, the Generation of Miracles and Haizaki-kun are getting along and…"

Nijimura looks at Akashi like the older brother he had been in Middle school on the rare nights they stayed late talking after practice schedule planning. He watches fondly as the lights on the red irises shine with almost childish wonder. 

"I have a good feeling about my relationship with my father."

Nijimura avoids harsh reaction on the mention of the hard man knowing Akashi won't take it rationally. "What did he do? He didn't punish you for getting 2nd place, did he?"

"He didn't, nii-san." With the familiar tone and protective demeanor, Akashi easily slips to the title he had of Nijimura on the rare days he was bold enough. "He just asked me to meet him back in our residence in Tokyo. He doesn't sound displeased."

Nijimura is instantly suspicious, the last time this 'meet' happened, Akashi had another tutoring and more obsession with winning. Now that he's back, he's not just going to let that man fuck up parenthood in another level. "Is it okay if I come? I won't need to intrude in your house, I'll just be near, maybe even visit our old house to check on it. If you need me, just call. Put me on speed dial."

Seijuurou grins. It's as amazing as the first time Shuuzou saw it which causes his mild crush on the red genius when he first met him. "I would be grateful."

"Good. It's also nice to see you maturing. You were miles further in terms of academic intelligence, you even have that logic-defilling-eye but you had also been slow in terms of dealing with reality."

The younger male rests his head on his former captain's shoulders.

"Believing that you could be perfect, that's both stupid and childish of you." He tries to ease the sting of his words by pulling the brat in his arms, rubbing his fingers on the thin wrist. "Trusting yourself to be able to stand alone, holding victory above everything even above your own well-being. It's not the attitude of the man I knew you can be. I had worried for you more than anyone in the basketball club."

Akashi nods, the action felt by Nijimura's shoulders. "I believe I have made changes which makes me better."

"Of course you did. That's what I'm saying. Brat."

Akashi acquiesces. 

"Everyone got better with their basketball styles."

"Yes, especially Kuroko-kun and Haizaki-kun. They both surprised me. How about you, senpai, have you been playing?"

"I only play occasionally in random basketball street courts. Which are rarely unoccupied. I might be even weaker than before."

"Is your family planning to settle in the states permanently?"

Nijimura sighs, leaning on the seat. "Mom is considering it. She found a flexible job which pays really well and she's a little reluctant to let it go. We also want to have a nearby hospital most qualified in cardiovascular diseases. Staying there is most logical, it's just that, we also miss Japan."

"If it comes to a job, I'm sure we can find something of equal worth for Nijimura-san," his tone implied his readiness to help in both connections and finances. 

Nijimura ruffles the red hair and snorts when the strands remain stubbornly in style. 

"However, I can understand the benefits of having access to a reputable hospital. It's not an easy decision."

»» • ««

The game eventually concludes, Kagami's group victorious.

"Rematch!" Aomine demands, a wide smile splitting his face. "I'll wipe the floor with you, Bakagami. I'll defeat you too, Tetsu."

"Like I've done twice now, Ahomine?" 

Kuroko simply nods, still breathing hard with exertion.

Nijimura easily pries the two aces from each other. "No, all you brats are going home now."

The first-years complain, only Kasamatsu readily agrees.

"But we are having so much fun, Nijimuracchii!"

"I want another match!"

Shuuzou stops further complaints with a threatening glare. "Go home. Rest, complete your assignments, and help around your houses. Some of you have long train rides, your body will thank you tomorrow when you're stuck inside a lecture."

With grumbles and whines, the basketball players begin to pack. Before they can split up, Kise receives a call. It immediately piques their interest with how Kise stumbles over nothing.

"It's Shougo-kun's number," without another warning, the model hits the loudspeaker. "Hello?"

"Yo, Kise."

They look at each other with startled eyes before speaking together. Nijimura only manages to stop himself from joining, unsure if his presence in Japan will result in good.

"I can't understand anything, seriously don't talk together. Idio—mmm. Anyway, they only allowed me a quick 'hi', I am accordingly supposed to be resting."

Kuroko speaks, very observant, "You do sound off, Haizaki-kun. How are you?"

On the other line, Haizaki coughs and his words become stilted like it's painful, "Fine but my throat 's sore. Bruised ribs and whatever. Difficult to speak long." 

A voice interferes with Haizaki's line. "Hello, this is Asahi Shiori, Haizaki-kun is out of danger but still recovering. We ask for your patience and understanding, he needs to cut your conversation short."

In the background, they hear a disgruntled 'I can still speak!' before the line stops as   
goodbyes and well wishes rains from the students.

"Good grief! So he's awake!" Takao cheers. Even without any relationship with the patient, he seems to genuinely wish health for the other teen.

"And appears to have his mind intact, nanodayo."

"Eh? What do you mean, Shin-chan?"

Midorima pushes his glasses. "When the heart stops, one of the most dangerous effects is damage to the brain because of the lack of oxygenated blood."

Amidst the chatter, Nijimura and Kise share relieved sighs, smiling at each other. Their hearts are oddly beating faster than the times where uncertainty reigns.

»» • ««

Most of them are going to Tokyo so they ride the same train. Nijimura, Akashi, and Furihata sit together. The third-year leans on the glass, choosing to rest during the train ride.

Akashi is weighing the best option to ease the brunette's nervousness but like in the hospital, Furihata surprises him again by speaking first.

"This is the first time I met Akashi-kun properly. Does Akashi-san like trains?"

Akashi nods, remembering the first time they met, technically but not properly accordingly, he wonders what the brunette thinks of him after the scissors demonstration.

"It's nice to meet you properly this time, Furihata-san." The Seirin player flushes. _Then, he must be embarrassed by implying on their first meeting._ Akashi finds it amusing, and mundane. Still, this average person easily manages to surprise him. The same is true with life. Furihata somehow reminds Akashi of his humanity, he's unspecial presence is like a solid ground in an ever-changing world. With all his ability, Akashi can't really predict how life in this world works. Even without his Emperor Eye, Akashi can feel the possibility of Furihata becoming a trustworthy companion. 

"About trains, I'm afraid I don't share Furihata-san's passion with them. I just see them as a necessity."

Furihata smiles, he's voice is gentle, "It's very fine, not sharing someone's passion isn't bad. Also, finding them necessary is the best compliment for trains, I think."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because that's what they need most. If planes became easy local transportation, it won't be good for trains."

Akashi smiles, a genuine interest sparked in him for the other first year. "What do you think of Emperor Nikihito's speech on the victims of Japan's aggression during the previous world war?"

"Oh, being honest in admitting Japan's wrong is respectful and mature of him, it's also nice for the victim to know that even the Emperor is sorry. But I think the effect on the people won't be as strong as the previous Emperor's words since Emperor Nikihito didn't experience the war, there will always be doubts from the people if it's true that the Emperor understands."

Akashi looks at the brunette approvingly. "You have a good understanding of emotions, Furihata-kun. May I ask your opinion on the new laws on tax exemptions?"

"Ah, that…"

»» • ««

Nijimura ends up in the Akashi Residence, staying inside the guest room but alert on any calls or messages from Seijuurou. At almost 9 in the evening, five hours after they arrived, he receives a message.

'Nii-san, we are okay. Really okay. I am happy. Very happy.'

_Seems like he really is fine. When he says 'we', is he talking about his personalities?_

The split personality still makes Nijimura wonder late at night despite the fatigue, he's worried which is definitely not healthy when he has been worrying more than enough for Haizaki. 

He is not familiar with mental health and far from understanding psychology but it's becoming apparent the second personality was there to shield Akashi from burdens and fears he finds too difficult. And now that's things are changing, what's going to happen? 

He presses his hands on his eyes. "Dammit." 

Everything is occurring too fast simultaneously. Why can't things remain simple?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using the Emperor's name just feel wrong.


	9. You Must Understand

Haizaki wakes up on the second day since he came back to life with a phantom warmth on his hand. He can't also shake the disappointment of missing something important. The vague feeling keeps him distracted well into the day. During lunch, he finally asks the nurse about it.

"Is anyone with me yesterday?"

The old woman nods, demeanor stern. "Your father, Haizaki Yuriha-san."

He hesitates in asking more, knowing the woman won't like it, however, he's getting desperate with curiosity. "Anyone else?"

The woman's serious voice is laced with irritation as she answers, "Your visitors' history only listed your father. I am not on night duty so I don't know more. Any other questions?" She taps her foot as she pushes the cart towards the door.

Haizaki purses his lips, tempted to sneer.

"Good. Now, finish your lunch," she commands before briskly leaving the room.

He glares at the door for a second before he turns dejectedly at his meal. There's a lot of greens, no meat, instead, there is a cup of beans. Uergh.

«« ↓ »»

"You what?!"

"Ouch, don't scream," Yuriha complains from the other line. 

The man is doing his constant 3-hours intervals call. Mostly, it's just a matter of 'I'm okay' and 'See you later' but today involves learning Yuriha had a screaming call with Dr. Arata Ran on the day of his SCA.

"You blamed Arata?!"

Yuriha sounds apologetic as he explains, "I am panicking and angry. I want to vent and blame people, a bad attitude, I know. Since he was the latest person you talked to, I also suspected and blamed him. He had an incident with a former client and I just irrationally thought of the worst."

Haizaki slaps a hand on his head. "Father, what the heck? Maybe it's genetic, me being bad at anger."

There's an amused sound from the other line. "Well, I have already apologized and I thought it might be good if he comes here. He can continue your prior session, if you want, and can also help you with this new experience."

The teen rolls his eyes. Unlike other SCA survivors, he really doesn't have any issues with this new 'experience' but okay. "Fine." It might be even beneficial to have the counsel here. After all, he has a message to pass. "When will Arata arrive?"

"In two days, at most."

The hospital door opens after measured knocks. Shiori Asahi gives him a nod as he enters.

"Shiori-san is here," he informs his father.

"Oh, okay! Tell him I said hi. Be good for him and take plenty of rest. I'll see you at dinner. Bye!"

Haizaki gives his own goodbye as Shiori sits elegantly near his bed.

"Father said hi."

"I see. Your mother says the same."

It's Shougo's turn to nod. They sit in companionable silence. Shougo wants to ask Shiori about his relationship with his Mom, he knows they had issues from the way they acted the last time he saw them, but he isn't sure he can help even after knowing. The amount of problems which arise from his last 'death' is disturbing at best. Shougo just feels guilty and worried he'll eventually be too much burden for his parents. However, he keeps it all inside, knowing the feeling won't be welcomed. Also, he knows he can tackle it on his own, things will eventually smooth out and he will also be fine. 

Before his second chance, his problems seemed too huge but those were fixed, almost easily. He also had doubts and dilemmas after he came back from the dead a second time but those also turned out not as huge-ass problems once the Being helped him see it from another angle. So, his problems now, he decides to not focus on them and just see how everything progresses. Of course he will try his damndest to fix his mess when he has the opportunity but he'll just stay low about being too critical.

Or maybe he's just making excuses. Is he avoiding his problems? Making excuses?

What a fuck up.

Shiori suddenly bends down, picking something under the bed. 

"Is this yours?" He extends a glowing grey sphere. The light is not blinding, it remains a soft glow but the warmth it gives off is different, it provides a blazing comfort. It also eases the turmoil in Haizaki's mind with everything happening. "It is exquisite, where did you get it?"

Shougo slides the familiar sphere under his pillow, confident it will survive the slight weight and anything in this world (most of the world). "A gift."

The man lets him keep the details. He pushes another question, "Have you died?"

Despite his surprise, Shougo snorts at the bizarre question (well, it should be bizarre). "Yah."

"Is this the second time?"

The dark eyes pinning his own stops Shougo from lying. He slowly nods, thinking quickly on how to get out of the impending questioning.

"I see. Thank you for your honesty, I won't ask more since you don't look comfortable talking about it. However, in the future, I would like to hear more of it."

Shougo doesn't even hide his relieved sigh. "Fine." How did the man figure it out anyway? 

They return to simply sitting together. Haizaki is grateful it's the man who found out, Yuriha and Rei would not be as forgiving of the idea he died twice. They would want every detail and dissect each until they have answers. Speaking of his Dad Rei, the man hasn't been around since the night he woke up. That's uncharacteristic of the kind man who always worries. Rei wouldn't let a day pass without even a single call.

"How is Dad Rei? Is he sick?" Surely a severe sickness will force the man on the bed. Still, that normally wouldn't stop the man from calling.

Shiori looks mildly displeased with the man in question. "He is constantly looking after you but refused to see you personally."

"Why not? I did not do anything that bad! Honest!"

"Of course, you didn't. We know. It's not your fault, your Dad is just being irrational. He thinks it's his fault you had SCA. I tried talking him out of it but he can be stubborn when he sets his mind."

That doesn't even make sense. Shougo runs a hand on his hair, irritated and worried. "Tell him I want to talk to him?"

"I certainly may tell him you want to talk with him," the man answers pointedly.

He grins. "Sorry, yes, please tell him I want to talk to him at his earliest availability."

Shiori smiles, it has an unfamiliar sharp edge which makes Shougo tense.

"Don't worry, Shougo-kun, he will be here today. Even without his own efforts."

«« ↓ »»

**CHAT ALL ABOUT HAIZAKI SHOUGO-CHAN**

Iruma (first year, Fukuda): the Haizaki Shougo web has been heated for days now

Kise: ??? Is it bad?

Iruma: nope, they are just worried and curious. But today, someone got news of his death so it's real chaos. Even as the president, I can't moderate the discussion hahaha

Kanna (first year, Fukuda): let them be

Ozami (first year, Fukuda): the gifts from Fukuda students have been filling the gym. My job as the manager suddenly involved carting them.

Momoi Satsuki: that's really bothersome, I agree, Ozami-san.

Ozami: *sighs* it's nice to have someone who understands, Momoi-san. ♥♥♥

Iruma: ozami, have you seen Loki?

Ozami: library, why??

Iruma: some dick tried to strangle him on an alley near the school

Aomine: what

Kuroko: Is Loki-san okay? Why would they do that to him? 

Kise: whyyy??? =_= Loki-kun is so gentle! :'(

Midorima: Has he received medical care?

Iruma: like Song-senpai, Loki is part Korean. Unlike some other schools, the Fukuda Sogo's principal is strict against discrimination and bullying but Loki still gets rough up and bullied outside of the school. I barely came in time.

Akashi: This part of Japanese practice is indeed worrying. If he hasn't yet, Loki-kun can consider legal actions.

Ozami: tried it many times before since he's young. If it's a Fukuda student or teacher, it might get results but outside, no one will care for the odd-Korean kid. It always happens in Japan most especially in schools. Song-senpai is lucky he doesn't look too different and that he has many friends ready to defend him.

Aomine: wtf? Just because he is Korean?

Song (senior, Fukuda Sogo): And looks different. He stands out among the 'normal citizens' and that makes him the target. I'm surprised you didn't know, Aomine-kun. Tieko is one of the schools which has high discrimination and bullying records. The teachers even routinely make targets every year (to spare themselves, I think).

Aomine: … I had basketball

Song: (^^) 

Murasakibara: I wanna crush them

Akashi: Japan has ingrained negative attitudes for Koreans, it's only in the late '90s did they stop the ancestry registration. Even as adults, Koreans here in Japan mostly work while hiding their foreign blood. Some, like Loki-kun, who have obvious features, live with constant unhealthy reception. I am sad to know many people who openly treat Koreans poorly, even those who clearly also have Japanese blood. 

Kuroko: It is a really shameful attitude. I'm sorry Song-senpai, and to Loki-kun.

Akashi: Indeed, what's more shameful is it's been a norm most Japanese don't even know it's wrong.

Kazuhiro (senior, Fukuda Sogo): I admit I used to be that kind of guy until I entered Fukuda and coach sat me down

Ishida (senior, Fukuda Sogo): me too. I only realized after I met Kasumi who is very protective of his best friend Song

Kasumi (senior, Fukuda Sogo): to be fair, I bullied Sam too. I only found it wrong when I realized we bleed the same color of blood. My dad still looks down at Sam's family, that shit. Even after years of living here, Song's relatives still get sneers and hurt words. More for Song's immediate family since they just came here recently.

Tatsuya (first year, Yousen): This surprised me too when I came. I haven't seen this prevalent bullying back home. Japan is seemingly lax about it. I also noticed they don't take assault (especially towards men) seriously.

Kagami: Yeah.

Takao Kazunari: I guess that's true.

Song: Anyways, Loki-kun is okay. The doctors have seen him and I just talked to him. The students who did it go to another school though so we can't do anything. We'll try to work on a buddy-system like what the team did for me. It's bad but we're faring better than others. We're ok.

Ishida (senior, Fukuda Sogo): it's not okay. As Haizaki said, they wronged you. You are Victims here of stupid cruelty and it's not your fault. It's not because there's something wrong with you guys. Don't believe their lies. You deserve better.

Song: (^^) I kinda miss him now. He might do better with Loki-kun. I don't think I did very well in comforting him, to be honest.

Iruma (first year, Fukuda Sogo): don't we all, senpai. Nah, we are going to the library, we will try to do our best.

Takao: good luck!

Iruma: thanks takao-kun:)

Kise: is Shougo-kun's non-discriminating attitude one of the reasons you like him, Song-senpai?

Song: I feel embarrassed you underclassmen know that. Ahahaha.

Kuroko: We don't judge, senpai. It's understandable, if it isn't a tough competition, more people will also pursue Haizaki-kun. Myself included.

Kise: kurokocchii!!! :-[

Kuroko: I said 'if'.

Kise: ok, just making sure. *pouts*

Kagami: hah?! Kuroko!

Takao: whahahahhaaha

Iruma: lol

Aomine: dudes wtf

Song: ^_^ You guys are lively. Yes, to the previous question. He had been angry and instigating to everyone. He hit on any girl, picked fights with anyone, and no one was spared. He also helps anyone (if the mood strikes). I first saw him punching an extremist for Hanamiya-san.

Midorima: Hanamiya is Korean?

Akashi: His grandmother is.

Song: You didn't know? I thought it's obvious. Please don't tell anyone else!

Kuroko: We won't.

Momoi Satsuki: Rest assured, senpai.

Aomine: so those 2 are really friends

Song: That's how they met, I think. They are not close but they care for each other. At least that's what I gathered.

Ishida (senior, Fukuda Sogo): Stalker.

Kasumi: is that even surprising?

Ozami (first year, Fukuda Sogo): speaking of Haizaki-kun, the school is still going through the celebration plan this Friday. But the closing ceremony of the basketball club will be postponed until Haizaki can come.

Usami (senior, Fukuda Sogo): no problem with us seniors. It's not like we will leave already.

Kise: will you be visiting Shougo-kun?

Ishida (senior, Fukuda Sogo): this afternoon for the seniors

Ozami: for us first years, we will be visiting tomorrow afternoon:)

«« ↓ »»

At noon, after Asahi steps out, Haizaki stares at his visitor. He's surprised, really surprised.

"Ogiwara?"

The teen beams and Haizaki stares at the sunny effect incredulously. "The heck?"

"I want to know you're really okay, so I came personally. I'm glad you are okay, Haizaki-kun!" 

The teen grins, he looks genuinely happy and relieved to see Haizaki. Shougo can feel his cheeks flushing. "That's...lame, dude."

Ogiwara laughs, scratching his nape, unembarrassed. "My brother thinks that too!"

Haizaki points a finger at his own lips. "You have crumbs here."

The other casually wipes it off. Unbothered. "I also came here to thank you. My former teammates who are also my friends told me about many of your team's days. They are happy and they told me how you made the team better these past weeks. We have constant communication now. Thank you too, for your advice regarding Kuroko. We started chatting this week."

Haizaki shrugs. "It's all on you, you made the effort to reach out. The shit turns good. Good for you, I guess. Don't know why you are thanking me."

The oranged haired teen smiles, and confidently says, "That's fine."

Shougo stares, dumbfounded by the strange sunny guy. "Errr...okay."

"Do you want me to peel you oranges?"

"Err…"

"I'll do it, how about apples? Anyway, I am thinking of playing in official basketball games again. I have been playing alone this year so I might be rusty but I need to start if I want to progress, right? I definitely want to play against Kuroko. Do you think Fukuda Sogo might want me?"

«« ↓ »»

At dinner, Rei enters his hospital room with a nonchalant smile.

Haizaki motions to the covered bowl he is carrying. When he opened it, the scent immediately assaulted his hungry stomach.

"It's Kalgatgulso. A Korean dish with chicken stock, chicken, egg, noodles, and seasonings. Warm food is good for this cold weather. I added dumplings."

With his mouth full, Haizaki simply points at the air conditioner and gives his step-dad a look.

Rei finally smiles genuinely, sighing as he sits on the couch. 

Slurping the remains of his food, Shougo wipes his mouth. "So what's your problem?"

"Nothing."

He snorts. "Dad, you are avoiding me. If I didn't ask Asahi-san, you might still be doing so. He said you are guilty."

Rei lets his smile fall, revealing how uncomfortable he is. "If I didn't force you to America after your intense game, you might not be here."

Haizaki smashes the urge to scream, he also curbs his annoyance. Instead, he waits for Rei to continue. He still glares though.

"Sudden Cardiac Arrest is usually caused by Coronary Artery Disease, Cardiomyopathy, Long QT Syndrome and Brugada Syndrome, Marfan Syndrome, Heart Birth Defects, Family History of SCA, Old age, and previous Heart Diseases. You obviously don't have any of those medical conditions, so it must be caused by stress. You were tired that day, but I still made you sit on a long plane ride and let you in emotionally taxing conditions. It's my fault. I'm sorry, Sho-chan."

Shougo scoots near the edge of the bed and thumps the man with a pillow before offering a hug. His cheeks flushing. "Don't be stupid." He hesitates, should he tell him the truth?

He trusts Rei. This is different from Shiori's situation. Among his parents, he feels most comfortable with him, even without blood connecting them. It's just, Rei had been open with his affection, constantly talking to Shougo even through the phone. He had also been generous and indulging. Also, unlike his biological parents, he doesn't have any (almost gone) distrust towards the man. Rei is someone new, someone Shougo can talk to without feeling shame or hurt about his past. Because in just these past weeks, before he knows it, he has been too close. Like hell will he let the man hurt his own self.

"Dad, listen, I am not going crazy."

Rei obviously knows that.

"I just need you to believe me. Don't think it's an SCA side effect." 

Rei nods even as he hesitates.

Shougo groans in frustration. "This is going down."

Rei frowns. "...you talked to a being in the afterlife or a plane in between. He made you realize your actions. Sent you back. You've been doing amends. You died again. Then last Sunday, you died for the third time?"

Shougo nods seriously.

Rei cuddles his son on the bed, carding his hand on the grey strands.

Shougo shuffles on the bed to be able to look at him. "Do you believe me?"

"I trust you. It also explains a few things. Also, your medical condition seems more explainable this way. I can't say I am not confused, but I won't break your trust by calling you a liar."

Shougo goes back on his prior position, his back on Rei's chest. "I don't want you blaming yourself. I'm surprised I was able to say it, actually. Sometimes, my Larynx literally closes up. Or at least seems like."

Rei hums as he contemplates. "Maybe to protect you, maybe it chooses the people who won't react negatively."

"You are not disappointed or angry, right?"

"Of course not. Also, based on what you said, your second chance helped more people, I included. Your death could have hurt us more than we can take." Rei smooths the hair he had ruffled. "This also explains the note I found on my table yesterday. Have you been there?"

Shougo grins. "Yes, another Being led me there so I can see Their creation. A matter of humanity thing. Did Their advice work?" He feels lips pressing on his hair.

"Yes. I can finally proceed to create my gift for you. We aren't able to celebrate your birthday due to your game but I still want to give you something."

"I'll wait for it."

Rei laughs. "I'll also take this as a reminder, to cherish people around me and to enjoy life. Thank you for telling me."

Shougo feels relief, the weight of Rei's words easing his guilt because the ever-present voice in his head has been reminding him of his faults since he woke up. Even with the Being's words; even when he knows he's not an utter cruel failure, the voice remains and it's always so convincing. 

Rei has always been good with speaking in a way Haizaki understands. He'll probably need those words more but today, it's enough to silence the other voice. It's reassuring to know someone wiser knows his secret, even here, alive, he has someone to fall back to if he needs. 

Then, the other adults enter the room, loudly chattering. Their obvious happiness in seeing him filled and buoyed Shougo's own.

«« ↓ »»

For the second time, Nijimura sits beside Haizaki's bed late into the night. Even he finds his avoidance uncontentious but he's not yet ready, and he can't be sure of Shougo's. He'll not gamble when there's a chance it could cause Shougo's life. Even if the chances are less than one percent. He stops himself from holding Shougo's hand this time, knowing the teen is not under drug-induced sleep. He can't risk the other knowing he's staring like a creep.

He rolls his eyes, amused despite the embarrassment. Great, he's now a creep in addition to a lame picture of a pinning secret admirer.

In the morning, after he arrives home, he receives a text.

_Drop by when I'm awake, shitty senpai._

_Creep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I forgot I didn't post for last week. 
> 
> • I didn't edit the Chat Conversations since I am horrible at messages and I thought some people are just like me.
> 
> • Since we're at the end where the plot is thin and it's just a lot of conversations, I divide chapters in hopes it won't bore you guys too much so we have a lot of short chapters.
> 
> •There are subtle side pairings and I think I'll add the tags on the next chapters just to give you him, a warning? Haha, something like that.
> 
> • Since, I am avoiding boring scenes, I am glossing on other characters' life/issues. I planned to explore all the characters' life and give them a story (mostly non-gom characters) but when I am rereading what was already drafted, I realized you guys will be filled with a lot of chapters without Shougo. It's more of family development and teenagers being pains. 
> 
> • We will probably end with this part 4 still with a lot of space for another part or one-shot. I want to leave the epilogue after I've read the baby don't forget my name's overall plot. I just like the idea of creating something more when that fanfic eventually gives me more materials. I just know it will so. Just to be clear, there's an end but it might not cover everything (like when is the wedding and such).
> 
> • When my mom got hospitalized, I've got a glimpse of those vip rooms. The beds are better than mine! Haha, I insist 2 person can lie on it. Quite comfortably.
> 
> • I've wrote this when I was really down so I've inserted heavy stuffs like the Korean issues in Japan. I usually avoid inserting reality problems in this kind of fanfic since it's more on feel good works but I can't help it when I'm confronting problems. So...that's the cause. For some reason, I didn't remove it. Also, just small info, at first I planned to write Hanamiya redemption time travel fic but then the author of the baby don't forget my name gave their permission for this series. For that original plan, Hanamiya should be the one to 'help' Shougo out of his slump.
> 
> • As always, mistakes ahead. Help in editing needed :)
> 
> • Thanks so much for still reading!


	10. Time waits for No One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this one is the supposed update for this week :)

Shougo has been having a lot of conversations and it's taxing. Not only was he not prone to this kind of shit, he's also not interested in dealing with other people's emotions.

And early in the morning he finds the person he'd rather talk never. Why is Akashi in his room, telling him about his relationship with his father? Sure, so maybe he had a couple of phone conversation with the older Akashi, first was during the championship game when the man is hesitant to mend things and entirely indenial of how fuck-up Seijuurou is. The second, the call from Seiji after the game. He's calling to ask for advice on how to start fixing his fuck-up fatherhood. That was a surprise and scary call where Haizaki regretted his every involvement in the Akashi family. In the end, he told Seiji (screamed) to consult a professional—child Development expert, physchologist, lawyer and other people with experience in child rearing which is definitely not Shougo—and hug his spawn already. Within the last couple of days he had been getting more calls from the supposed smart business man and he must be a real masochist because he's been answering them all. Honestly, what's wrong with him? Keeping up with that turture, ugh, just the gushing alone is enough to give him cavities. He doesn't care if Akashi is the top student of Rakuzan.

After he's finally content with all the details Shougo really doesn't want to know (he already heard it from the father Akashi, thanks), Seijuurou smiles longingly. 

"My mother had been a huge lost to our family."

Shougo doesn't know what to say. Should he say the classic 'I'm sorry for your lost?'. He's not even feeling sorry. It's bad that Akashi lost his mom but so is 1 out of 10 families. Well...Akashi is surely feeling sad or something though, and that's not great. Maybe Shougo should say it. But will it be received well? Will it make Akashi feel better?

"She was a strong human."

Haizaki decides to simply agree, "Okay."

Akashi lifts his phone, a picture of a woman with red hair and dark brown eyes is suddenly looking at Shougo. She's familiar. Haizaki stares at the photo in disbelief. Even without seeing the face of the Being who made his literal shining present, he knows _it's_ the same as the person in the photo. Seeing the human counterpart seems to make sense of what he can't recognize even with his eyes wide open. What the heck. 

He's always been sharp in picking the barest details so Shougo is not surprised when Seijuurou's eyes widen.

"You know her?"

Shougo groans. He can't tell him, he's body, mind and every other aspect is against the idea. And it's not like he knows anything about the mother, they didn't even talk about Seijuurou for goodness sake! If the red-head asks, he won't be able to answer because there's simply no answer. 

"Is she okay? There are testimonials of visiting afterlife from other people who experience similar situations as you. Have you? Did you see her?"

He raises a hand as an answer, he sighs defeated. "I kinda? I think? I don't know anything about her though."

It's subtle but Akashi's demeanor becomes somber. And, fuck, isn't that just sad? Haizaki has always been weak to people who try to keep their emotions in check. He can taunt crying people mercilessly but not those who learned to hide their tears. Maybe it's commiseration. Also, a bit of sympathy to those who were hurt enough to be able to hide it.

"Damn it," he curses, looking away. He shouldn't be feeling this way for this unfair genius. Akashi has many gifts (or talents to not sound like a preacher) but whatever, the point is the Akashi spawn has many attributes even Haizaki envy. So, why does Akashi have that expression? _Pain and loss._ "Fine." He mumbles irritated as he pulls the ball from his pillow. He hands it to Akashi. 

Seijuurou looks at it in reverence. "How strange, it feels like mom's hugs. So comfortably warm. It looks like her hair."

Shougo blinks, looking at the ball closely. When did it turn to vibrant red?

"It must have been a real treasure, however, may I borrow it for a while?"

He refrains from meeting red eyes, wary of seeing a more side of his former teammate. Instead, he nods. "You can have it." It might have been for Akashi anyway. Also, he has his mother here, he can just seek her comfort personally. Unlike Akashi. 

"Thank you." A moment later, he repeats it again, more softer, "Thank you. My father will also appreciate this."

Shougo pretends not to see the tear on the bed, he asks nonchalantly about mundane things and talks about his annoyance with the confinement until Akashi's voice returns to normal.

**Chat Basketball House**

Kise: [picture of Haizaki Shougo in a large jacket, in a cafe] Look who I found in Ajikara cafe near the hospital! (^^)

Nijimura: What is he doing there?!

Shougo: none of your business

Kise: ouch Shougo-kun!

Shougo: remember to keep photos of other person out of your business 

Akashi: Please return to your hospital room, Haizaki-kun. The hospital staff will soon notice your absence.

Nijimura: Again, why are you outside, Haizaki?

Aomine: shit, scary

Kuroko: …

Nijimura: Haizaki.

Haizaki: fuck. Damnit. Just buying something okay?! It's for my counselor who my father blamed for my SCA when he's emotions are high

Nijimura: Ask someone else to buy it for you. Kise, bring him back to the hospital. I'm calling Midorima-sensei to make sure you didn't aggravate your condition, Haizaki.

Kise: Uhm, of course.

Nijimura: Good. 

_22 minutes ago_

_Now_

Kise: [Picture of 2 tier different deserts and a tea set.] A peace offering for Mr. Arata!

[Picture of a middle-aged man who is smiling beside an annoyed Haizaki and a bubbly Kise.] He says hi!

Kuroko: Please extend my greetings too, Kise-kun.

Kise: Got it! Mou~I need to leave them now too. :-[

Midorima: It's a private session, nanodayo. Don't bother them.

Kise: (TT)

«« ↓ »»

Of all his conversations, even with the awkwardness of talking with Akashi Seijuurou, the cream of the cake happened late in the afternoon.

Shougo's teammates visit him. This time, only the freshman arrived since the senpai(s) already came yesterday. Their loud voices are a nice change, they talk without needing Haizaki's contribution so it's mostly relaxing. He laughs at most of the stories about school and is embarrassed at the others. Accordingly, many people sent him gifts and get-well cards? It's horrifying to learn he has gifts and letters accumulated, he flush through the updates and has to actually cut his teammates in the middle of reading comments from their phone. What the hell? Not cool. Amidst it all, the embarrassment is coupled by something good. Something that lit his stomach and makes him secretly giddy.

With the need for a new topic, they told him of their long friendship. They had known each other since Middle School. Shougo nods, not entirely surprised. He already knew Iruma and Kanna had been starter players for Mieko while Loki was a frequent substitute. Ozami being also their friend is news to him but it just explains to Haizaki the closeness of the four. 

It's followed with discussion of the Meiko incident. They are accordingly slowly getting over the anger and embarrassment and even began interacting with the members of Generation of Miracles.

"The last game during our Middle School really embarrassed us," Iruma confesses. "I can barely show my face in school. It's shameful."

Shougo understands, Japanese people have always been driven by shame. It's complicated and it varies in intensity but it's ingrained. Teiko, like some other schools, shame students who are inferior. Mistakes usually equate to shame and Shougo knows how unhealthy it is. From conversations with Rei, Haizaki has ideas how different it is from other countries and it's disadvantages. Even without really sharing how his peers carry shame from other people, Haizaki sees how it affected them.

Ozami smiles bitterly. "And now, we are talking with the Miracles like friends when not even a year ago, I tried killing myself when the memories of that game got too much."

The words, despite the even tone, made Haizaki colder than the first time he came back from death. With a glance with the other three, he has the realization they have the same experience or maybe, they are already aware of Ozami's attempt to be able to take it in stride. Or something.

Shougo swallows the lump in his throat as he asks gruffly, "What's with Japanese people and suicide?" He sighs, running a hand on his hair, not knowing what to do.

Loki chuckles. "It might be from our history, how our ancestors committed suicide due to their mistakes," he casually says like they are not talking about something as serious as suicide.

Shougo snorts.

Kanna objects, "Their actions show how Japanese already have this mindset even during the old times!"

Loki waves his hand dismissively. "Of course someone must have started it. We even have a ceremony for it!"

With the two arguing, Ozami looks at him. Shougo frowns at how those eyes look aged, like he is seeing someone who has seen beyond a mere high schooler. And maybe, in some way, Ozami is more mature. And doesn't that stings?

"I thought you were like me. The day after our game, you looked like I was when I did the attempt. Despite it, I didn't say anything." Ozami smiles sadly. He sounds ashamed as he continues, "I didn't know what to say. How can I stop you, when I also attempted it? I was an idiot. That's why I'm so relieved when I saw you that morning. It was my insistence that the team dropped into your home."

It takes time before he can answer due to the packed information. However, the most important information rings loud.

"Ozami," he says with dread. "Are you…" he cannot say it so he settles with looking at Ozami's wrists. 

Ozami looks at them too. He looks disappointed. "I am trying to stop. Life right now is being great, I want to live through it." When he stares ahead, he smiles less bitterly. "I'm sorry for suddenly talking about this. It just always bothered me how you acted so callously. You didn't care about laws or norms, like you were purposely throwing your life away. Japanese society is strict, we are people who live collectively, all nails who stick up get hammered, yet you don't care like you've already thrown hope in living in it. So I thought…"

Shougo peeks at his unmarked wrists. He didn't try cutting, not once, but he did provoke fights even when he's at a disadvantage. He encourages how everyone dislikes him, he never thought of his future. Ozami is right, in his own way, he gave up too.

Ozami smiles wider. "But after our game with Kaijo, you are different. It's encouraging."

Shougo tries to hide his distaste but he still ends up wincing. Unlike Usami, it took dying and an all-knowing-being to change him. He shouldn't be praised for being dumb. He eventually shrugs. "They, Kise and the others...they are shits but they didn't not intend to drive you to death," he struggles to add more. First, he knows the Miracles can be cruel and indifferent. Second, he doesn't know them that much beyond this. "They are different this time, at least."

The other laughs. It's low but not mocking or judging. "I know. It's been a struggle to learn that for the last few days but I did."

Haizaki cannot help the admiration for this guy and the other three. Despite the past, they find themselves to forgive. Something that comes difficult to Shougo and the other Miracles. The fuck? They are just first years like him, why do they act so mature? Also, why are they so calm and understanding?

Kanna finally let's go of Iruma in favor of joining their conversation. "So, Haizaki-kun, do you have any idea when you can leave this place?"

Shougo shrugs. "None." He frowns, remembering the doctor mentioning he needs to walk on the machine with all those attachments to look at his heart activity tomorrow. How many times should he do that? "Not tomorrow, at least."

From then, talking with them has been easier. As if sharing suicidal experiences bonds them together. It's still brittle on the edges but the largest holder of their new friendship is the lack of shame. They talk about anything without holding back and judgement. The others take Shougo's problems without batting an eye like how Shougo listens to complains regarding their barren sexual life without hesitation. It's great, more than just a group, they become each other's supports.

«« ↓ »»

Arata finally arrives and after a scolding he got for slipping out of the hospital, Shougo is talking to the man with anything he wants. Unlike the first session, they are currently talking like friends. Catching up on the weather and such.

Shougo would rather they talk regarding the _Being's_ message. He wants to tell Arata but he's afraid the man will take it the wrong way and declare Shougo acquired brain damage from his attack. 

"I'm glad your teammates are feeling better," Arata says, looking at him like he's trying to puzzle something.

"Their former teammate, Ogiwara, plans to transfer to Fukuda next school year. Of course, I can't stop him but I'm not sure if that won't change things."

"Change has not always been good so I understand why you feel that way."

Shougo shrugs. "But my teammates are great. Mature. I think they won't kick me off their group even when Ogiwara joins next year."

"Based on what you've told me, I also strongly believe that."

Shougo fiddles with his empty tea cup. Is this the right time to talk about Marc Fields?

«« ↓ »»

Arata is still tired when he visits Shougo. He just arrived in the evening and his body is still adjusting with the new time zone. Even with the generous first class plane ticket from the family, he is battered from the 10 hour trip. Not to mention the culture shock. Clearly he has left Japan for so long.

The apology tea and desserts from Shougo has been great for his energy level but not the hesitancy of the teen's actions. He's been familiar with the attitude from his previous clients but the teen has proven himself unique. What is he hiding? Is it about his past? Has his parents told him about Marc Fields and now the teen has reservations on having him as counselor?

Marc was like Shougo, the kid was also having issues with anger. Only, Marc was more loose, to the point of stabbing someone with a pencil. It didn't cause a life threatening wound but enough to make the mother force Marc to see him. The first session happened, Marc sees the mistake in his actions and how it affected the people around him. It was good, or it was from Arata's point of view. The next morning, Marc was found dead. Suicide. The written note talks of nothing but apologies for being a horrible person. The parents have been furious. Arata's carefully created reputation on counseling crashed down but that was nothing on his own doubts and guilt. He kept asking if he could have done differently. As he tries to look into it more critically, he sees his mistakes. Now, a life was lost. And what of Marc's eternal life? Was the kid still suffering? Arata has become religious after his long immersion in the West and fear for what may be happening based on his religion's teaching. Of course he knows his God is merciful but there are still worries of pushing Marc to eternal death. 

How shameful he can't heal himself.

As the sun starts to hide, he finally asks, "Do you have something to ask me or want to say?"

Shougo nods, looking away. It's obvious he has difficulty saying it.

"Is this about my last client?"

The teen hunched his shoulders, proving Arata's thoughts. However, the gray eyes stare at him which Arata knows is not easy for Japanese because of cultural taboos.

"Arata-san. Marc Fields is okay. He's fine there. He says the clouds are not great foods."

__

_Marc wipes his eyes a final time. They have chosen to sit outside and watch the clouds after the heavy conversations. The kid has been quiet but he eventually points at a heart shaped cloud. 'Doc, I wonder if those taste like cotton candies.'_

__

__  


Arata nods. "I see...I see."

«« ↓ »»

His walk back to his hotel doesn't feel like a reality. He feels strangely weightless despite his heart feeling full. He is uncomfortable at best. Does he want to cry? Is he okay?

"Arata-senpai?"

The voice manages to penetrate the rushing water around his ears. This man…

"Hoshitani-kun?" What is his sickly middle school underclassmen doing here, sounding like underwater?

Hoshitani-kun smiles. "It's you! It's been so long. Have you visited someone here?"

Here. Right, he is in the hospital grounds. He is Arata, a senpai. He visited Shougo. The water is subsiding and his heartbeat slows a little as he smiles wanly.

"Yes."

Hoshitani-kun gestures to the Cafe near. "Tea?"

He recognizes the teashop's logo. It is the same shop where the dessert from Haizaki came from. He glances at the warm smile and the hazel eyes. He agrees, "That will be great." He isn't okay. Maybe a former classmate can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you snowlikestardust so much for your suggestions! (The scene of Shougo and his teammates and the style of counseling here.) It took so long but I hope it lives up to expectations :)
> 
> So most have been covered. Question, are you guys expecting HaiKise or NijiHai?


	11. And So Is

He hears the familiar creak of the door, the person must have peaked first to confirm he is awake, then it swings open to admit the person inside. He rolls his eyes in annoyance. It's been a familiar routine, for almost 3 days, people had been visiting him like a damn endangered animal. He's oddly happy some people like him enough to visit but he's also embarrassed to be seen like this. Wearing hospital garb, and generally looking pathetic.

"Missing the outside?" the voice is even, with depth which makes anyone automatically think the owner is cool. It's also still as powerful as the last time he heard it. Shougo swears he hates it like no other (maybe Kise).

Haizaki looks away from the window, the view as bland as ever. He's not interested in clouds, damnit, so why. The machine recording his heartbeat must be working twice. The doctors insisted he bears with the added attachment as added security and preventive measure. Additionally, to monitor if there are any subtle abnormalities in his heart pattern the previous test hasn't caught. He feels somehow guilty about how the doctors are grasping blindly on his supposed special condition but even that is waning in favor of irritation which is admittedly unfair of him. Thankfully, the doctors turned off the sound of the ECG, if not, Nijimura will easily know how nervous he is. The dick is casually leaning on the closed door, looking _(not-bad in his jeans and shirt)_ as if he didn't leave for almost two years. His face has signs of hardness which only comes from longer experience, if that makes sense, but the quirk of his lips is still as annoyingly comforting to the young captain who welcomed him in the basketball club with a fucking flick on his forehead which hurt so freaking much. 

"Yo," he tries to appear and sound nonchalant, like hell will he drop like a goo. He is not a stupid teen still learning to masturbate! "It's not very flattering to know you will finally visit me after an SCA." He smirks, pulling the pillows on his side to free space. His biological Dad needs to know he's not a baby who might fall down the bed without barriers. Easily picking on his meanings like always, the older teen sits, also looking at the sky.

"I'm sorry I left."

Shougo sneers. His side inches away from Shuuzou is tingling. "You shouldn't be."

Nijimura glances at his expression, trying to make sure he's being honest.

Haizaki snorts. "Fuck you. I'm not that kind of an asshole, you know."

"I know."

"Really? Because it feels like you think I'm angry because you chose your Dad over me."

Nijimura went stiff for a while before relaxing on the bed, this time facing Haizaki. "You are not," it's only half stated which earns a glare from the younger teen.

"Are you asking?" he snaps. "I am not. I am not, Shuuzou. Even when I still don't have a good relationship with my father, I know how you value yours," he realizes he is too loud, his frustration not waning, he drops on the bed, forcing his fist to loosen before he picks a fight he will most certainly lose. "I don't. I would not have asked you to give up on something you love, people I don't know nor care included. I just wanted you to talk," he stresses the last word, his anger and hurt leaking. "Do you like me or not, asshole?"

"I like you."

"That's what I've thought too but you left without saying it. If you have told me and asked me to wait for 20 years without communication, we wouldn't even need to have this conversation. Dick." He grits his teeth fighting the clog starting to settle on his throat. He blinks rapidly.

Nijimura offers tissue. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up," he moves the cloth away. "Don't, that will only make it worse. I don't want to cry."

"I won't judge. You have the right to cry." Even so, his eyes are too bright to be trustworthy. The shit is totally laughing at Shougo.

"That will make that blasted machine ring, I don't want doctors poking me."

Nijimura finally nods, taking back the tissue. They return to watching the sky. 

With a sigh, he finally admits, "I liked you for so long, Shougo, I didn't choose to, you were a brat and bane of authorities. Still, I did. And I still do, I'm even sure it involves more 'L' words. I made my decisions with the best of intentions, I thought it's the best choice."

Haizaki glares again and it makes Nijimura smile. He pokes the patient lightly on the waist, avoiding ticking the guy. "C'mon now, tell me what I need to do for your forgiveness. Oi, Haizaki."

Shougo slaps the finger away, his name from the teen—a man—still makes him warm and giddy, fuck. He's a fucked-up moron. Embarrassing. "Next fucking time, talk to me before you make decisions which involve long plane rides."

Shuuzou rubs his neck, smiling solemnly. "I really fuck up, huh?" To think he almost lost this kind of endearing tsun-tsun. "Yeah, yeah, I promise."

"Tsk, you better keep it, asshole. Sometimes it's difficult to just believe in you," he says offhandedly like it's just nothing even when his breath hitch. Because it had been difficult to convince himself he even has the right to assume. It has been more difficult to believe he has a chance.

Lacing their fingers together, Nijimura promises not to fuck up this time. "Believe in me again."

Haizaki sneers but tightens his grip. They stay like that, Shuuzou eventually lay down too, their sides pressed together. Their breathing in sync and calm. Shougo feels light, a stubborn smile trying to wear his control.

"Speaking of plane rides, I need to fly back in two days. My school called for my remaining exams. My siblings are landing at Narita Airport this evening, they want to visit home for a while. We will be leaving Friday evening."

Shougo feels a fleeting wariness. "When will you be back? Here, in Japan."

"I'm not sure, but I'll make sure to be back before a month passes."

Shougo nods. Relieved. "That's fine. I guess. Text me sometimes. You know, when you have time. Or call."

There is a muffled curse before Nijimura pulls him in a hug, pressing his lips on the juncture of his shoulder. 

"I will. Let's have Skype every day," he feels the weight of Shougo's hand on his nape, the hand is firm and warm. "Thank you for waiting. I, fuck, I was so scared. I thought I'll never be able to talk to you again." His eyes are warm and his breathing becomes fast. "I'm such a fool, thinking that you are safer. I've known how fickle the heart is. Damn it." His shoulders tremble as he latches on the younger's back.

"Don't leave snot on me. Serves you right. You were a dick."

Nijimura laughs in the middle of tears. "Fuck. Damn it, Shougo."

A knock snaps them in attention. "Haizaki-kun?" the unmistakable voice of Dr. Midorima calls outside.

"I told you not to make me cry, stupid senpai."

»» • ««

The next two days have been busy. Shougo attends exercises and further assessment with the doctors which all results in good health. He begins completing assignments and modules (still with medical supervision which is becoming overbearing). His parents and brother visit regularly, and he begins forming strong bonds with his brother built on smuggled not-hospital-food. Aside from them, Nijimura, Arata, and his teammates are also constant faces. Nijimura's siblings even visited once, visibly happy, and relieved to be back. With his phone's liberation, he had been chatting with the others, mainly Kise who is his usual annoying self. (Despite saying so, they had been chatting late into the night.)

For Nijimura, he has been busy carting his siblings everywhere. The kids want to see everything, both excited and sad to see the differences. The two also connected to their former friends and ate everything they could. They are happy. Like they had been. The realization made going back to the states difficult.

"Pack your bags, we will be leaving in 5 hours. I told you both yesterday to start preparing."

The two have rare defiance in their eyes. "We are staying, nii-chan. We like it here. It's different there! People tease us and look at us like monkeys in a zoo. The language is difficult! The food is not good! We'll stay here, aunt Nishimiya can look after us, we are already old, we can live by ourselves."

Shuuzou sighs, well aware of this possibility when he agrees to let the two visit. If he's not comfortable in the States, the two must be the same if not more. Japan will always be theirs. It's home. Even he wants to stay if only their parents are not miles away.

"Mom and Dad are waiting in New York."

The two slowly wilts, both of them tearing up. "But we want it here, nii-chan. We don't fit in there. Two of our classmates looked down on us for being 'Asian'. It's difficult to pronounce words, the subjects are weird, we can't understand some of it. We only have a few friends."

It's heartbreaking, and it's worse with the reality it's totally normal. He wants to give in, but he can't so all of them pack for their plane with varying amounts of disappointment.

Nijimura calls Shougo who instantly picks on his mood. "What is it?"

"The twins want to stay. It's normal, the changes are difficult especially since we moved twice. They are both young."

"No shit, I only visited there once and I am shocked and kind of scared with everything. I'm startled to see people far taller than me, 'can't imagine living there happily after only a few years. Let them stay, you said they are already OK with school right?"

"Yes, they are already on vacation, but what? They can't just stay here, mom and dad will worry."

"Those rainbows like your siblings, my parents too and Nishimiya-the-aunt are available, right? Let them stay, I'll bring them back to New York on Sunday."

"Sunday?"

"The hospital wants to send me to a hospital more advanced in this field, you know, cardio something. We can look after the kids for two more days."

Nijimura hesitates. Haizaki is sick, the stress won't be good.

"I'm not sick."

"I'm not saying that you are."

"You are thinking about it."

"No."

"You are lying, dick. Anyway, my father alone has enough people who can watch over them. C'mon, you saw how happy they are, yesterday, they were talking about Sweet Potato like it's a god's food. Nijimura, I even teared a little, me."

Shuuzou rolls his eyes, a smile fighting his way over. "Brat. Fine. I'll tell them."

"Fucking finally!"

"Shougo?"

"What?"

"Don't spoil them?"

"Too late, and those two can charm everyone, my mom alone spoils them enough. Go on, make calls or something, call me back after."

"Alright. Thanks, Shougo."

"It ain't free dude, I'll write it on your list."

»» • ««

So in the end, Nijimura is waiting for his ride in the airport alone. Among the people and baggage, he sees a familiar face.

"Kasamatsu-san."

The other nods, sitting beside him. "Nijimura-san, going home?"

He smiles bitterly. "One's motherland will always remain his home. At least normally."

Kasamatsu grins. "I guess."

"Seeing someone off?"

"My uncle." He studies the man, younger than him. "So you endured those six players, an amazing feat for someone so young. I barely managed Kise."

Shuuzou snorts. "Seven, actually."

"Uh, Haizaki-kun. I thought I might need to keep Kise safe from him. Their history is harsh and Haizaki seems like one of the teenagers who are undergoing a cruel phase of teenage life. 'Appears like he is not, at least not always."

"Familiar with cruel-hormonal brats?"

"I've met a lot of them, there's always one even as young as elementary. Hopefully, it eases with age."

Nijimura shrugs. "Maybe, looks like it works on Haizaki."

The older teen sighs. "My younger brother is showing signs, he's attitude is pushing my control. Just last night, he punched a kid. I almost beat him to a pulp. I lost control for a moment, I hit him."

Shuuzou laughs, he suddenly remembers how Haizaki is. "Sorry, I know it's not funny." Those problems are not, it's just that, with Haizaki, everything seems lighter. "That happened to me a lot. Once, I even made Haizaki faint. He landed wrong after I punched him. Definitely not a great feeling so you might consider against doing it again. Better to leave him when your anger begins to forget he is your snotty brother. Might be good to take a hobby that allows you to vent out."

"You are right," he agrees. "I already broke one of my guitars."

"That would be an example of expensive venting out. Guitarists and their many guitars. 'Can't understand it."

"It's like wanting more blankets and pillows to stave-off this cold life."

"Sounds almost poetic," Nijimura smirks. "I'm assuming you mean stress."

Kasamatsu scoffs. "The whole world, at least my current world."

"You sounded like my friend Himuro."

"Himuro Tatsuya? You met him in LA, right? But you are in NYC now according to Kise."

"Yeah, we chose LA initially because of the shorter distance however it got expensive. We needed to rent a place, aside from the difficulty of acquiring it, the apartment sucks money constantly. It also becomes difficult with just us, we need a hand in taking care of the twins and father. So we moved to NY where my Aunt offered her place and where most of our relatives live. The hospital is also great." Nijimura briefly caught himself, wondering why he's sharing these details with a stranger but decides to go with his instinct to trust this man.

Kasamatsu winces in commiseration. "I can't begin to imagine the expenses. May I ask you a personal question? Specifically, your love life?"

"That's ominous. Go on, I might choose not to answer though."

"Are you back because you like Haizaki?"

Nijimura tries not to let the serious gaze of the older man penetrate his exterior calm. "Yes."

"Are you serious about a relationship with him because Kise does. Kise is far from perfect, even without raising a fist he can be cruel. He finds people's weaknesses and uses them against them without being the villain. But like other kids, he can be vulnerable and innocent in a lot of ways. Particularly with his feelings for Haizaki. I care for him, he's like a prodigy brother with a lot of quirks and I don't want him to have a broken heart."

"I see your point," Shuuzou admits, looking away. "But Haizaki is not someone to be let go. I've done it twice and this incident made me sure it's idiocy. I can't let Kise have him, even just for a while because I can see the beginning of my loss. Within the last month, that guy already managed to have parts of Haizaki."

Kasamatsu turns uncomfortable. "Gee."

The other laughs before sobering quickly. "You probably need to look after Kise more. I would like to but I might be the senpai who'll end up hurting him."

"Or you might call for help with smuggled sake," Kasamatsu says with a challenge.

Nijimura grins. "Yup, that too."

"Or both of you will be dumped."

"I won't let that happen, I might let it if it's Kise because I know his feelings for Haizaki but I won't trust anybody else. I'll probably end up fighting dirty."

Kasamatsu shakes his head, disbelieving. "Tell me about this guy who inspired this questionable mentality."

"No, I don't want anyone else falling for him."

The other raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

Nijimura smirks. "He can sing—"

"All of them do."

"Rock," he continues like he's not interrupted. "From soft to metal."

Gunmetal blue eyes lit up. "Interesting."

"Have a grip of yourself!" Nijimura sighs in dismay. "Why can't you just fall for Kise, there's potential."

"Because my biggest turn-off is someone pining over someone else."

»» • ««

That Nijimura owes him a lot!

"Guys? Aren't you going to sleep?" the twins ignore his question in favor of making a mess of wrapping papers with a lot of squealing. He turns to his parents. "I told you, giving them those presents now is a BS idea."

Asahi turns the page of his book. "Saying the abbreviated version still counts as cursing."

"I'm being an angel now, see, suppressing my temper like a pro." He grins with a lot of teeth showing.

Yuriha nods, still buried in blankets beside Rie. "Yes, I noticed that you didn't even shout much."

"Sho-chan, just sit. Tell us if you feel pain in your chest, shoulders, or head. If you feel a shortage of breath, alert us immediately," Anna told him firmly, pushing him on the seat.

Shougo sighs, giving up. He just needs to live the next 10 hours with hyperactive twins. And parents.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" one of the twins asks after all the gifts are unwrapped.

"No, I've been watching too much Disney it's affecting even my speech."

When the twins leave him in favor of watching another film in the corner, he opens back the chat he has with Kise.

**Kise:** But why do you want to see him

**Me:** I just do

**Kise:** closure?

**Me:** maybe. How is practice

**Kise:** good. There's this group though, Jabberwock I think and they are making a scene. Do you know them, Shougo-kun?

Haizaki chokes on his water. What kind of shit luck? That group is in Japan while he is flying out? Aren't the events getting out of sync?

**Me:** The heck? Did you accept games from them?

**Kise:** No, but my senpai did! (^_^)

Meaning that events can't be avoided.

**Me:** they are dicks. 

Team Jabberwock will rub the goody-good shoe Generation of Miracles just like how Haizaki's attitude did. If he was born in the age of Jabberwock, will he get along with the group? He snorts at the thought, finding an absurd interest in the idea. There's even a lot of similarities between the two groups; if things went differently, the GOM might also end up like Jabberwock. Destructive and cocky.

Me: it's going to be fine in the end, good luck

**Kise:** ??? Shougo-kun is not making sense but ok! Good luck with meeting your uncle too. Just call if you need me! :-D

Mrs. Nijimura and Shuuzou are waiting when they land. 

Shougo and Shuuzou watch on the side as the adults and kids talk. 

"Hey."

"Hey."

Shuuzou pulls the younger's hand and covers it with his own. "It's colder outside, are you warm?"

"Yeah." 

They don't move from each other's side even when they already enter the hospital. 

It took two days before the doctors in the foreign hospital cleared Haizaki, finally putting his parents' at ease and saving his athletic future.

"Are you going home now?" Nijimura asks while they are both stuffing themselves with American burgers and fries (against professional advice).

Shougo shrugs. "Yeah, later. I'm going somewhere."

The other raises a brow which Haizaki returns with a glare. "Don't look like that, asshole."

"Like what, brat?"

"Like you are fucking judgy."

"I am. Where are you going and why do you look like you are sneaking to wherever this place is? And why does it feel like you did something illegal?"

Instead of answering, he shrugs as he looks down on his tray.

"Any chance of stopping you?"

"I'm going," he insists, challenging the other to stop him. 

Nijimura eventually sighs. "Fine, go," he says, watching how the other relaxes. He eats another fry before continuing, "But I will come." He smirks.

"Shut up! No!"

"This must be personal and I can respect that but I'll still go, I can wait somewhere but it has to be near, got it? Where to?"

"Nearest Mental hospital."

Shougo has been standing in front of the waiting area for almost 10 minutes, each minute feels like it's passing quickly. The attendant finally has enough.

"Sir, would you like to postpone the visit?"

He shakes his head. He might not have a next time. "I'll see him now."

"This way, please. Wait here."

He is asked to sit outside a glass wall with holes. His heart is pounding loud and his fingers are trembling. The sounds are loud and rushing. He finally stands. "I wanna call someone else," he tells the attendant.

The man frowns but agrees when he sees his ashen expression. "May I ask your relation to the patient? I know you are his nephew but anything more?"

Haizaki ignores the question in favor of calling Shuuzou. The other teen arrives a little out of breath.

"Shougo! What the heck? You are meeting Kiruna?"

Despite the ire in his voice, Nijimura pulls Shougo in a tight hug, cradling the sweaty gray hair.

The attendant's eyes widen, grasping the pieces together. "You don't need to do this. Do you have your parents with you?"

Shougo shakes his head violently this time. "They can't know! They will never let me do this. I need to see him."

With great reluctance, the attendant leads them back on the seats. Kiruna enters on the other side.

> _...before you go, let me tell you two ideas. First, consider telling Arata … that Marc Fields is happy. Second, consider visiting Kiruna Tim, I had tried helping him but he remains unmoving. However, I am not giving up on him. A visit from you will help me in my endeavor._

"Shou?"

Shougo sniffs, he smiles and even that feels wet. He wipes his cheeks as he waves. "Hey, Pa."

The man on the other side is thinner than in his memories, his pale skin appears unhealthy. His face looks haggard and there are gray circles around his eyes. However, there's an immediate change when he sees Shougo. The man rushes near, his fingers trying to reach from the tiny holes.

Shougo touches the fingers back. "Pa, you look like shit."

The attendant clears his throat, a subtle reprimand.

Kiruna laughs. His own tears began to drip. "Shougo, Shougo, Shougo…"

"Yes, it's me. I'm fine now, Papa. You should take care of yourself too."

"Shougo, Shougo, Shougo…"

"Yeah, it's me." He closes his lips to avoid crying louder, however, that doesn't work since his nose is blocked so he needs to gasp for breath. His shoulders tremble with the sobs wrecking his posture. Only Shuuzou's arms around his waist ground him from further breakdown. He wants to get angry at what the man had been reduced to and to also demand repentance. There's also the pity and wanting to keep the man close.

"It's going to be okay, Sho, shush now precious boy. Everything will be okay, love."

Kiruna's eyes are surprisingly clear while he tries to reassure him. 

Nijimura doesn't let his hands go until they step out of the car in front of the hotel.

"I'll walk you in."

Shougo mumbles even as he leans gratefully to Shuuzou. He's still feeling weird. He wants to sleep.

"No need." From the couches, Anna stands with Yuriha. They both look unhappy. "We will take him to our rooms."

Nijimura waits for Shougo's decision and only lets the teen go when Shougo nods. 

"I'll be fine, I'll call you later."

Shuuzou is only agreeing because he knows the adults will never hurt Shougo intentionally even when angry.

Yuriha takes Nijimura's former position, firmly supporting Shougo. "Is it too much to tell us? You took too many risks! The doctors firmly prohibited stress and strong emotions for at least the whole month."

"I'm okay. I want to do it now. Can't you just take my words? I am fine! This is my own body!" He's tired, and the days have been too overbearing. The attention and rules are suffocating and it's becoming too much. "Can't you trust me?"

"No!" Yuriha screams back, slamming the door of their rooms closes. "No! Not when it can mean your death!"

Asahi places a comforting hand on Yuriha's arm. They look at each other and Yuriha nods once before walking out again. 

Rei leads Haizaki on his bed. "The incident was not even two weeks away, of course, we will worry."

Shougo slumps, his anger finally easing after his outburst. "Sorry."

"It's fine, you can apologize to Yuriha later. We know you are frustrated, we understand but still, please learn to control your anger especially with your health at risk. The doctors insist on these measures for a reason, for now, please bear with it. Also for our sake."

"'Kay," he grudgingly agrees. He crosses his arms. "But it's so long! I want my life back."

"Time. This is time for patience, love."

Shougo exhales gruffly.

"Tell me how the visit went? If you want, we can share the hospital's report on Kiruna from now on but please don't work on your own again. For our sanity."

Shougo winces. They might have been worried. "Sorry. Even now, I'm so selfish."

"You are not."

"I am, I am not even thinking of you guys. I'm just thinking of myself. I am still that selfish kid who refused to listen to other's part."

"You are still thinking of that? We forgave you the same time you made the mistake. We can see how you are changing, you might have been dissatisfied with them but everyone feels otherwise. Don't put yourself down, let yourself take small steps, stumbling is fine."

Shougo hugs his knees. He tries to believe in his father's words, even when the voice inside his head is louder. "Okay." Maybe he is doing fine.

"Also, you are not selfish. You are just frustrated and angry with the situation." The man helps Shougo under the covers while he lists facts that support the statement. The words are enough to lull Haizaki into a dreamless sleep.


	12. However

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I held this chapter back because I want to add more details—build the drama, etc. However, I wasn't able to find the time, sorry. I want to give you more quality but err-yah. As soon as I find the time and strength (I always feel tired despite less work, haha), I'll add chapters of flashbacks or one-shots of your wonderful suggestions in chapter 10. Thank you for reading, comments, and patience. 
> 
> This chapter lacks too much and I can think of several issues but feel free to write yours in the comment section, I'll tie it up. 
> 
> Again, thanks and bye for now.
> 
> `

The large hall mostly made of glass stood like a piece of Spring during the cold December day. There's soft music being played by the musicians as the newlyweds' twirl in the middle of the room.

“They look happy,” Kise whispers, his eyes bright.

Shougo grunts, beginning to get impatient. The wedding has been dragged for hours after the early start of preparations. To add to his discomfort, many people have been interested to talk to him after knowing his connection to the couple and another to-be-couple next month.

Kise nudges him to look at the outstretched phone. “Shougo-kun, smile!”

Haizaki glares at the camera. He has been stuck with Kise, a talent invited by the Asahi group (and also since he is a friend) because the blonde is the lesser evil among the business-minded youth and sophisticated daughters of important people. Shougo slouches, tempted to just slip under the table.

Kise grins knowingly. “There are a lot of people who will see. At least don’t feed the magazines with embarrassing photos.”

Shougo honestly feels his whole life invaded by strangers. “I did also want to get famous but…” he doesn’t feel good with this kind of attention. He’s more content with his ‘thug’ life. 

“Well, to be fair, it isn't just you. Most of our age fantasizes the same. Looks like you are the type who gets fed up with it easily. Still, I think this is good for you, Shougo-kun. Because of the restrictions of more attention, you are avoiding conflict and mostly following common courtesy. Aw, you even looked refined and mysterious when you entered,” Kise swoons, the disgusting worm.

Shougo looks at the other occupant of his table with distaste. It’s not that he suddenly has the need of kissing-ass or whatever. He just wants to avoid damaging his new family’s reputation (his own has been already shattered).

Kise suddenly lights up as he points at the stage. “I heard your mother loves the song recently released by Ai Group. Let’s sing it!”

“Huh? No way, it's disgustingly sweet.”

“Even though it doesn’t fit your image, it’s for Mrs. Asahi-san! We even have an orchestra here; it will be fun!” he pouts pitifully, trying to appeal to the other's softer emotions.

“The last two lines of the chorus are too high…you should sing it.”

“Yup! We can sing the rest together. You sing the first two paragraphs!”

“The third, you should do it and the fourth will be great for a duet.”

“I know right?! I will sing harmony while you start it off!”

And it's already decided because even with their rivalry, the truth is undeniable. Even with slight differences, they have similar abilities. They understand each other’s mind more than anyone else. 

They shake on it and march towards the musicians. The conductor doesn’t think much of it, since the two are close to the couple and are young teens, even if the performance is bad, no one will think too much of it.

However, they are not just teenagers. Even without prior practice, they match each other by being one’s opposite. Shougo starts slow and low before it gives way to Kise’s energy. As he whispers along with Kise’s high notes, he is startled by the emotion Kise is giving in the performance. When he glances at the blonde, Kise is only looking at him. Shougo raises a brow challengingly, if the shit is looking for a match, then he won’t find an easy win even when it involves a lame-ass song. He joins the duet with every ounce of feeling he can muster, their voice easily fitting the music. It’s beautiful and left even the conductor smiling approvingly. They bow politely to the applause.

When he starts to leave, Haizaki is stopped from walking towards his mom's table with a hand on his arm. “Oi, Kise, I’m not singing any more songs. Let go.”

“I want to talk to you,” it’s filled with honest urgency which surprises Shougo, allowing the other to pull him behind the elaborate flower arrangement.

Odd, why? Whatever words need secrecy? And why is the blonde so serious about it? Oh—shit! Shit! Of course! He didn't make himself a total asshole in their last basketball match after all!

With his mind running frantically, he already knows what it is before Kise can confess. And how he dreads it.

“I like you.”

“I know.”

Kise smiles sadly. “I guess, I’m not subtle about it. It also sounds like I have no chance, huh?”

Shougo avoids looking at him. It's his fault. Might be, right? 

“It’s fine, Shougo-kun. Honestly, I already knew I lost when Nijimuracchii arrived. I just need to try somehow. Can I at least have a hug?”

Slowly, Shougo looks at a pair of teary yellow eyes. Kise is still smiling even when he isn’t able to hide his tears. Shougo pulls him in a hug, confused when his own eyes sting. Why does he feel regret and sadness? Why can’t he even muster the will of saying the words to turn down the blonde? He can’t even apologize. Most importantly, it’s difficult to let go of the hug. If it’s not supposed to be, why does it feel right?

His mom and his official step-dad left after the reception to one of Japan’s quieter provinces. His father Yuriha and his fiancée, Rei, are both looking after the last wrap-up. With everyone busy, Shougo has been alone in his room, absentmindedly looking at the lights outside. 

There’s a knock on his door.

“Enter,” he answers, hoping it’s loud enough. He wants to be left alone, but based on the pattern of knocks, the guy outside will definitely not stop.

Footsteps sound loud in the silence after the door closes.

Yuri sits on the floor beside him, also leaning on the bed. “It’s never easy.”

And just to make this worse, of course, someone else saw that stupid conversation.

Shougo lets the back of his head fall on the bed, resting his arms on his eyes. “It’s never this bad, I—fuck, I regret not saying otherwise.”

“You like him back.”

With the truth out, Shougo can’t further deny it. “Fuck.”

“Then break-up with Nijimura.”

They are not even officially together. But the mere thought of leaving Shuuzou sounds as bad. “I can’t.”

“Then you did the right thing. It will be unfair with Kise-kun if you keep on leading him on.”

In the same position, Kise is looking at his ceiling. His tears have come to an end, but not the pain. He regrets confessing, if he didn’t, then he can still stay on Haizaki’s side without it being weird. He won’t even mind that Nijimura is the boyfriend.

“Ryou,” his sisters have been with him, trying to give their support.

He smiles. “I’m fine! Shougo-kun is just too great to lose, ne? I just need time.”

His sister thumps him weakly on the head. “Stop giving me your misleading smiles. We can also look after you, you know.”

He laughs, it's louder than it should be. This is bad, he is losing his grip. He can’t also lose the last of his defense. 

And why not?  
Let everything burn.

He curls on himself and wails. “Why can’t he choose me instead? I love him more than Nijimura can understand! I will never leave him for anyone and anything else! Unlike that man! I will never ask for anything in return! I will always be there even if he decides to torch people! Why do Nijimura need to return, he already left!” 

He flings the pillows on the wall, upturns his desks, and reduces his lamp to pieces. He only stops when the room which serves as a façade to the emptiness reveals what he really feels. Only spared are Shougo’s pictures. He sits exhausted, unfeeling. 

Shougo feels down on the next days, he goes to school to sit his exams and even attends the basketball club send-off ceremony for the seniors but he still feels afloat most of the time.

Captain Ishida bows.

“Ishida-kun had done his best and led this club to victories,” Coach Hoshitani says as the members and other students who attended the ceremony applauds. 

Even with his mood, Haizaki joins and agrees wholeheartedly. Ishida has his faults but the senpai had done his best not only as a leader but also as a support to every member.

Kazuhiro Mochizuki bows next, followed by the best friends who are visibly closer than before; Sam Song and Kasumi Shou. 

Haizaki catches Sam’s eyes and he smiles gratefully. He’ll always feel grateful to the man who first showed him he’s deserving of someone.

The other regulars bow to the cheers.

“We wish you all the best for your next endeavors,” Hoshitani says fondly. “You are not just the pioneer of this club but will always be its members.”

One of the first years begins to sniffle.

“For our next Captain, please step forward, Haizaki Shougo.”

Shougo startles as cheers and congratulations fill the gym. With the uncertain future of the club, he can’t imagine what he can do. Captain, really? He dislikes rules! He tries to explain this through desperate eyes with the coach. 

Ishida nudges him forward. “It’s the whole club’s decision. It will be hard work with no returning members and these first-years but I’m sure you’ll think of something. Good luck, Captain.”

“Oi, are you avoiding me?” Nijimura asks from the other line.

Shougo winces and holds the phone closer to his ear even when it’s on loudspeaker. “Not really…”

“This is the first time you received my call in three days. You only joined our usual skype once. What’s the problem?”

“Err…”

“Shou, we are friends as much as we are lovers. I won’t judge. Tell me.”

Well, it seems they are actually an item without Haizaki knowing. “Kise confessed to me.”

“And?”

He grabs his hair and pulls with frustration. He curses and groans in defeat. “He figured I’ll turn him down. I haven’t heard from him since. I’m worried and I feel guilty. I, fuck, Shuuzou, I think I like him," he closes his eyes as the guilt and shame settle inside.

“But you like me too.” It doesn’t need confirmation.

“I know it’s fuck up,” Shougo knocks his head on the bathroom mirror, disregarding his toothbrush on the sink.

“Are you happy with me?”

“Yeah?”

“But you are happy with him too.”

“Yeah. Fuck, this is easier when you two didn’t—ugh! This sounds like a lame drama.”

“Hmmm, I honestly won’t mind, as long as you are mine too.”

“The fuck are you saying?”

There is a sound of shuffling from the other line before Shuuzou answers. “It’s an adsorb idea, yeah. But with how you are behaving, I might lose you too.”

Shougo stares at his reflection, feeling trapped. The guilt and uncertainty have indeed been becoming too much. He likes Nijimura, loves him even but his feelings for Kise are not diminishing. Sometimes, he feels unfaithful. And it's just too much. Now that he is with Nijimura, he is asking for more? He’s a fuck up.

“Hey, have I told you about Aunt Joline?”

Shougo is thankful for the change of topic. “Yeah, the rich woman who owns the place you guys are staying.”

“She doesn’t live in it now, she’s living with her husband and her lover in a flat nearby.”

“Eh, cool.”

Shuuzou snorts. “Fucking clueless. Just give it a day, I’ll talk with the yellow brat.”

“Oi! What the heck? Just leave him alone—hey! Are you listening?”

“I am, stupid. I won’t start a fight or anything irrational. It's not his fault he fell for you. I just need to talk to him about something, I’ll call you back or he might call you instead. Brush your teeth, take a bath, and sleep. Bye.”

“Oi!" the last tone ends. "This bastard!”

It's late in the evening it's almost early but his phone still rings without easing up.

He searches blindly and hits the screen several more times before the call connects. Kise’s loud shrill disturbs the quiet of the night.

“Shougo! I accept! As Nijimura says, it might be difficult but I want to try it!”

“Huh? The fuck are you two talking in the middle of the night?”

“Polyamory!”

“Oh shit,” he whispers, slumping more on the bed. “Oh shit.”

Within the month, Shougo is still a constant patient for check-ups. He finishes all the schoolwork he missed and officially on his winter break. He once walked on his counselor and coach snogging in the gym, he occasionally went out with his first-year teammates and even with the GOM. He also walks on more people kissing, like Kuroko and Kagami and those two Shotuko starters. He’s been having more fights with his brother over the simplest of things. Overall, his life has been good.

In the last week of January, he is in Kagami’s apartment, stuffing himself with a good American cheeseburger.

“You came early.”

Haizaki snorts. “They are late.” They are having a gathering with the other basketball nuts. “I thought you were offered a basketball position in the States?” Because he is sure the tiger was supposed to join a powerful team after the Jobberwock’s defeat.

“One did, but I want to play with you guys more. I haven’t won anything yet.”

Well, isn’t that pressure?

“I decided to stay here for high school and just move to America for college.” The tiger smiles. “I don’t ever regret it. I think I might even regret it if I chose differently. It’s great to find more powerful opponents. Basketball is fun when it’s challenging but it’s not every time I can find a team like Seirin. Those guys might not play in the future; I want to play with them now while I still can. That also goes with the GOM, I want to play more against you six.”

“I’m not a miracle,” Shougo denies, also smiling. “I’m also glad you stayed. Kuroko is happier with you. I don’t find it logical to see you not together. The light and shadow, as lame as it sounds. The realization of the basketball Kuroko plays.”

Kagami understands and agrees. “You think he will want to play professionally?”

“If it’s you, yes. But he’ll probably step down earlier, his body might not last long and I know he wants to teach.”

“That’s fine, I’ll make those years’ worth it so he won’t have regrets.”

Shougo shoves more of the tiny buns in his mouth, savoring the meat and cheese with the crisp vegetables. “You make a good waifu. Kuroko is a lucky bastard.”

Kagami flushes and sputters but already familiar with Haizaki’s lack of filter. He’s also aware Haizaki means them honestly which removes some of the embarrassment. “How about you, Kuroko says you are sailing on two rivers.”

“I’m ignoring most of the facts for now. We are treating it like normal.” 

Meaning Haizaki sends two ‘good morning, too’; wrapped two Christmas presents under the romantic category, answers two calls, chats two people, and jerks to two people’s faces. As for the two, they surprisingly get on nicely. They remained friendly, closer even, and never felt jealousy (based on his observations). In fact, they are working together in dealing with Haizaki’s quirks.

“I say it’s pretty selfish of you, Haizaki-kun,” Kuroko suddenly says. 

They both scream in shock, cursing and glaring at the newcomer.

“Fuck, Kuroko!”

“Taking two people for your own,” the blue boy continues like nothing.

Haizaki blushes. “Shut up.”

Kuroko nods, slurping the vanilla milkshake prepared for him. Haizaki rolls his eyes.

“Anyway, did you talk to Furi?” Kagami asks his partner.

“He will be coming with Akashi-kun.”

Haizaki raises his eyebrow. “Is that a double- meaning something?”

Kuroko nods without breaking his lack of expression.

Haizaki chokes, he hurriedly gulps his soda. “The heck? Are those two lovers or what?”

“Or what,” Kuroko answers monotonously. 

Kagami is watching Haizaki’s expression with great amusement. Haizaki flicks him off.

“I did not expect that from the Chihuahua.”

“As I understand it, they are not official. They are great friends and snogs a little but decides to wait further,” Kagami shrugs at his explanation. “Furi is not forthcoming with details, but he said Akashi has been treating him well. Akashi is also meeting someone who's helping with the split personality thing so I guess it’s fine.”

Haizaki smirks. “Wha, a mother hen.”

Kagami kicks him under the table. “Furi is defenseless, okay?”

“That’s not what I heard,” Kuroko disagrees. The two other guys decide to move on to another topic. 

“How is Fukuda Sogo’s basketball club?”

“Not sure yet, we won’t know if we can participate in the Inter-High until the next opening of classes. Though, our Seniors are doing great with their classes. They are also expected to do good next year in terms of basketball.”

Shougo swallows his last burger before adding, “Aomine has been whining about Satsuki ditching him for Kasamatsu.”

Kagami shrugs. “He has been coming here more often. Serves him right, that girl has enough headache from him. You think Satsuki will really be with Kasamatsu?”

This time, it’s Haizaki’s turn to shrug. “If you two lets him in your relationship, he might let her go. If not, he might meddle and fuck-up the relationship. I think Kasamatsu is reluctant since Satsuki is younger.”

The red-head winces at the idea of a threesome. 

Tatsuya and Murasakibara arrive first, joining the three soon-to-be second years.

“Yo, Taiga. Kuroko-san, Haizaki-san, what did we miss?”

“Kagami-kun and Haizaki-kun gossiping like a pro,” Kuroko answers.

“Shut up, Kuroko,” Kagami and Haizaki choruses, not even thinking about the possible validity of that statement.

Tatsuya laughs. “They surprisingly get along.”

Kuroko rests his empty cup on the table. “They are both blunt and they think they are both outsiders from the GOM group. They declared a 'kindred relationship'.”

Murasakibara looks confused with the idea but decides the sweets in front of him are more important.

“Atsushi, let’s wait for the others.”

The tall basketball player complains, “But Hai-chin is already eating, Muro-chin.”

Haizaki grins which easily leaves when Kuroko answers it’s because his caretakers are not present.

“Kise-kun and Nijimura-san will not be joining us?” Takao, with Midorima, asks from the doorway.

Kuroko nods. “Kise-kun has an urgent job. Nijimura-san is helping his parents pack for their plane next week.”

Midorima sits, placing his lucky item on his side. “They are coming back, nanodayo?”

“Yah, Nijimura-san is already stable, they decided to come back here. The twins insisted,” Haizaki answers.

“Also because Nijimura-senpai explained he is in a relationship with Haizaki-kun,” Akashi adds, carefully moving his shoes in the side.

Haizaki rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” he answers, with all the annoying and somehow-amusing calls he received from the Akashi household, his fear of the midget has been abated. “I heard you have chained that Chihuahua.” He looks at the brunette guy beside Akashi pitifully. 

The table starts to get lively as the friends (in denial and reluctant included) begin eating and sharing stories. There are occasional brawls and teasing especially when the others finally join them but it ends well.

A week later, Shougo flies one more time to America to attend his parents’ (Rei and Yuriha) wedding and to meet Kiruna. The man had been making steady progress. Also, with Kise and Shuuzou, he visits New York in its Winter glory.

“I enrolled in Fukuda Sogo.”

Kise pouts at Nijimura. “Unfair! I want to be near Shougo, too!”

Haizaki snorts. They all know Kise will not leave Kaijo, the miracle already found his team with the blue elites.

“Fukuda also has a strong curriculum for business,” Nijimura insists. “It’s not just Shougo.” Only mostly.

“Business? I didn’t know you are interested in business.”

The older teen smirks at them. “My relatives here are all in business, I found it interesting.”

Kise also beams, swaying Haizaki’s hand he’s been gripping. “I want to be a model and a basketball player. How about you, Shougo?”

Haizaki groans, his side still touching Nijimura as they stroll the streets leisurely. “I don’t know. I always have the option of managing my father’s company and even Dad (Rei) offered his stocks in his business but I don’t want to be stuck inside an office.”

“Well, there’s still a lot of time! Also, it’s nice that you have Yuri-san or you might also need to manage your mom's and Asahi-san's group,” Kise teases, chuckling at his word.

Nijimura stops to stare at one shop. “I can help you, in the future, if you decide to manage the business of your parents.”

Shougo raises an eyebrow. “I thought that’s already given." 

Nijimura smiles. 

"Ryouta, you and I should take units in business, what do you think?” Shougo asks, knowing he might need it even when he takes a different route in the future.

The blonde likes the idea. So much that he promises to study harder even though he wilts a bit with the mere idea. Even Haizaki dreads the added weight of learning Math. According to Kise, it will be worth it, for their future as business partnersss.

“Get it? Three ‘s’!”

“You don’t need to explain!”

“Yey! To our love future!”

“Ugh.”


End file.
